The impact of our childhood on our adult lives can be profound, especially when it comes to the role models we had at home.

Growing up with poor role models often leaves its mark in subtle ways that we might not even realize.

In fact, these influences can shape behaviors that follow us into adulthood. It’s not about blaming, but understanding how our past has influenced our present.

And if you did grow up with less-than-stellar role models, you might recognize these 8 subtle behaviors. Let’s dive in.

1) Difficulty in Trusting Others

Trust is a fundamental building block of any relationship, whether it’s with friends, partners, or colleagues.

However, for those who grew up with poor role models, trust doesn’t always come naturally.

Why? Well, when the people who were supposed to guide and protect you fail to live up to those roles, it can leave a lasting mark. It can make trusting others challenging because there’s always that fear of being let down again.

In fact, this difficulty in trusting others can manifest in various ways. It could be hesitance in forming close bonds, reluctance to rely on others for help, or even a tendency to assume the worst of people’s intentions.

Recognizing this behavior can be the first step in learning how to rebuild trust, but remember, it’s a journey that takes time.

2) Overcompensating

Growing up, my dad was a bit of a workaholic. He was often too busy to spend time with me or attend any of my school events. As a result, I found myself overcompensating for his absence.

I started working hard at a young age, trying to earn his approval. I became the “perfect” student, the “perfect” daughter, even the “perfect” friend, putting other people’s needs before my own.

This drive to be perfect and to please everyone around me followed me into adulthood. I found myself taking on extra responsibilities at work, always agreeing to help others, and rarely saying no – all in an attempt to feel valued and loved.

It’s a common behavior among people who grew up with poor role models. We strive to become the person we wished our role model had been, often at the expense of our own well-being. Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards breaking it and establishing healthier habits.

3) Struggle with Self-Esteem

One of the subtle behaviors associated with growing up with poor role models is a struggle with self-esteem. This isn’t surprising when you consider that a child’s sense of self-worth often stems from their experiences with their parents or guardians.

Studies show that children who grow up in adverse environments, such as those with neglectful or abusive parents, are more likely to have lower self-esteem in adulthood. They may feel undeserving of love and affection, and this can affect all areas of their life, from their relationships to their career.

Understanding this link can be a powerful tool in addressing these issues and working towards a healthier self-image.

4) Difficulty Expressing Emotions

Emotional expression is learned behavior. We pick up on how to show and handle emotions from those around us, especially our caregivers.

For those who grew up with poor role models, they may not have had the chance to learn how to express their emotions in a healthy way. Instead, they might have learned to bottle up their feelings, or to express them in harmful ways.

This difficulty in expressing emotions can lead to issues in adulthood, such as problems in relationships and struggles with mental health. Recognizing this behavior is a crucial step towards learning healthier ways to express and deal with emotions.

5) Craving Stability

A turbulent home environment can make the world seem like a shaky place. As children, we crave stability and predictability, and when those are missing, it can leave a deep imprint.

As adults, those who grew up with poor role models at home often find themselves desperately seeking stability. This could be in the form of a steady job, a reliable partner, or even just a consistent daily routine.

This craving for stability isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s a natural response to an unstable childhood. The key is to recognize it and ensure that this craving doesn’t lead to settling for less than what you deserve. You deserve stability, but also happiness and fulfillment.

6) Fear of Failure

I’ve always been terrified of failing. I used to think it was because I was a perfectionist, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve realized it’s something deeper.

Growing up, my mother was never satisfied with anything less than perfection. Whether it was grades, chores, or even how I dressed, nothing ever seemed good enough. This led to an ingrained fear of failure.

As an adult, this fear has often held me back. It’s stopped me from taking risks, from stepping out of my comfort zone, and even from pursuing opportunities that could lead to personal growth.

This fear of failure is common among those who grew up with poor role models. Its roots often lie in a childhood where mistakes were met with harsh criticism rather than understanding and guidance. Recognizing this can be a huge step towards overcoming the fear and embracing the possibility of failure as a chance to learn and grow.

7) Overdependence on Approval

The need for approval is a natural human desire. But for those who grew up with poor role models, this need can become an overdependence.

This could mean constantly seeking validation from others, basing self-worth on other people’s opinions, or even changing behavior to please others. It’s a subtle yet destructive pattern that can affect personal relationships and professional growth.

Understanding this tendency is the first step towards breaking free from the cycle. Remember, your worth is not tied to anyone else’s approval but your own. It’s okay to seek feedback, but in the end, you are the one who defines your worth.

8) Resilience

Perhaps the most important thing to understand is that growing up with poor role models often fosters an incredible amount of resilience.

Despite the challenges, many who grow up in such circumstances develop a remarkable ability to adapt and overcome adversity. It’s a testament to the human spirit and its capacity to endure and grow from hardship.

This resilience, while born out of difficult circumstances, can become a powerful tool for navigating life’s ups and downs. Remember, your past may have shaped you, but it doesn’t define you. You have the strength and resilience to chart your own path forward.

Final Thoughts: It’s About Understanding, Not Blame

The nuances of human behavior, especially those developed in childhood, can be complex and deeply ingrained.

Remember, growing up with poor role models doesn’t doom you to a life of struggle. Rather, it gives you an opportunity to understand the root of certain behaviors and to make conscious decisions to change, if needed.

A quote by the renowned psychologist Carl Jung comes to mind: “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Those who grow up with less-than-ideal role models have shown time and again their capacity for resilience, strength, and growth. It’s not about placing blame on the past, but understanding its impact on the present.

With this understanding comes the power to shape your future, to rewrite your story in a way that reflects not just where you’ve come from, but more importantly, where you’re determined to go.