It’s tough, but not everyone grows up feeling heard or understood.

This lack of validation during formative years can deeply impact how we behave and interact as adults.

People who’ve experienced this often develop certain traits later in life. Recognizing these traits can be a real game-changer.

So, let’s dive into nine common traits that usually develop in those who grew up never really feeling heard. Understanding this could give you a whole new perspective on the people around you.

1) They become great listeners

Isn’t it ironic? Those who grew up feeling unheard often develop a knack for keen listening.

It’s as if they’ve made a promise to themselves to not let others experience what they went through. They listen, and they listen well. They’re the ones you find at parties, quietly engaged in deep conversation with someone else.

This trait, while born from pain, turns them into incredible friends and partners. Their ability to listen deeply makes others feel valued and heard, something they craved growing up.

But remember, while this is an admirable trait, it can also lead to an imbalance if they forget to express their own needs and feelings. 

2) They value self-expression

In my experience, people who’ve grown up not feeling heard often place a high value on self-expression.

I remember my friend Sarah, who always felt silenced in her childhood. She was never allowed to voice her thoughts or feelings at home. As she grew older, she started expressing herself through different mediums. She began writing, painting, and even performing on stage.

Sarah once told me, “I felt like a mute child. Now, I won’t let anything stop me from expressing my thoughts and feelings.”

Her paintings are vibrant, her writings poignant and her performances breathtakingly raw. It’s her way of making sure she’s heard. This trait isn’t just about healing, it’s about reclaiming their lost voices and making sure they’re heard loud and clear.

3) They often become advocates for others

Those who’ve grown up feeling unheard often find themselves standing up for others. They’ve walked that lonely road and they don’t wish it upon anyone else.

A study found that many social workers, counselors, and advocates had experienced feelings of being unheard or dismissed in their childhood. This experience shaped them into individuals who are passionate about ensuring other people’s voices are amplified.

Their personal history gives them a unique perspective and empathy, making them passionate advocates for those who can’t speak up for themselves.

4) They are usually introverted

It’s not surprising that people who didn’t feel heard growing up tend to lean towards introversion.

Growing up, they may have felt that their words didn’t matter or wouldn’t be taken seriously. Over time, this can lead to a tendency to keep thoughts and feelings internalized.

They often prefer one-on-one conversations over group settings, where they feel their voice can be more easily drowned out. 

While introversion is not a negative trait, it becomes a problem when they continuously suppress their feelings due to past experiences. It’s crucial for them to realize that their voice matters and deserves to be heard.

5) They tend to overthink

Ever noticed how some people mull over every word they say? How they play out different scenarios in their head before making a decision?

People who grew up not feeling heard often fall into this pattern. They’re constantly seeking the ‘right’ words to get noticed, or they’re anticipating the rejection of their thoughts and ideas.

This constant overthinking can be exhausting and can lead to anxiety. It’s crucial for them to realize that it’s not their responsibility to control how others perceive their words. 

6) They seek validation

Imagine growing up without ever hearing the words, “I hear you,” “I understand you,” or “Your feelings are valid.”

People who’ve lived this reality often go through life seeking these affirmations elsewhere. They crave validation – a sign that their words, feelings, and experiences matter.

This yearning isn’t about seeking attention; it’s about the deep-rooted need to feel heard and understood. It’s about wanting to know that their voice matters.

While it’s completely natural to seek validation, it’s also important for them to realize that they don’t need others’ approval to validate their feelings or experiences. Their voice matters, regardless of whether others acknowledge it or not.

7) They strive to please others

Growing up, I always tried to make everyone happy. I would bend over backwards to meet their needs, often at the cost of my own happiness.

Why? Because as a kid who was seldom heard, I thought the only way to be seen was to be useful, to be pleasing.

Like myself, many who’ve grown up feeling unheard become people-pleasers. They believe that by pleasing others, they can avoid conflict and gain the acceptance they yearn for.

While this trait makes them incredibly kind and considerate individuals, it’s important for them to remember that their value isn’t dependent on how much they can please others.

8) They often struggle with self-esteem

When your thoughts and feelings are constantly neglected, it’s hard not to internalize the message that your voice doesn’t matter. This can take a serious toll on a person’s self-esteem.

People who grew up never feeling heard often question their worth. They may feel inadequate, thinking that their ideas or feelings are less important than those of others.

It’s a tough battle to fight, but recognizing this pattern is the first step towards breaking it. It’s vital for them to realize that their worth is not determined by how others perceive them. Their voice, their thoughts, their feelings – they all matter. And so do they.

9) They are resilient

Despite all the struggles, the most striking thing about people who grew up never feeling heard is their resilience.

They’ve faced rejection, they’ve felt invisible, they’ve wrestled with self-doubt – and yet, they’ve persisted. They’ve found ways to express themselves, to validate their feelings, to make their voices heard.

This resilience is a testament to their strength. It’s a reminder that no matter what life throws at them, they have the power to rise above it.

Their past may have shaped them, but it doesn’t define them. They are much more than just their experiences. They are survivors, they are fighters, and above all, they are resilient.

It’s a journey towards self-discovery

For those who’ve grown up feeling unheard, these experiences shape certain traits that persist into adulthood. But don’t forget that these traits, while stemming from challenging circumstances, are not our life sentences.

Whether you identify with these traits or see them in someone you know, understanding where they stem from can be a powerful tool for empathy and self-improvement.

And remember, no matter how unheard you might have felt in the past, your voice matters. It always has, and it always will.

So speak up, express yourself, and let your voice echo with the strength of your journey. Every voice deserves to be heard.