In theory, we pursue romantic relationships to make our lives more joyful, and less lonely. 

Unfortunately, for many couples fulfilling the latter criteria isn’t always achievable, at least in the long run. 

When the honeymoon period inevitably wears off, for many, the cracks will begin to surface. 

Once loneliness begins to creep up in a relationship for one or both partners, this can mean trouble. 

Feeling isolated and alone in a relationship simply isn’t sustainable. 

In this article, I’ll walk you through the common behaviors people exhibit when they feel lonely in a relationship. 

If these signs ring a bell, you can start working on solutions. 

Let’s get to it!

1) They’ll be increasingly withdrawn 

As you might know, when we start dating someone new, it’s common to be inseparable, like two lovestruck teenagers who can’t take their hands and eyes off each other. 

But as time passes, the dynamic changes–sometimes drastically. 

When one partner becomes a bit too distant and disconnected for lengthy periods, this is almost always a red flag. 

Maybe you’ll find your once-loving beau wanting to have frequent periods of alone time, actively making excuses to avoid participating in shared activities. 

Their sudden withdrawn disposition may be premeditated, to hint they’re lonely; or they could subconsciously be expressing their unhappiness. 

If this sounds familiar, it’s worth looking into a bit further. 

2) They’ll be over-engaged in social media or the internet

Many lonely people (in relationships or not) tend to gravitate toward the digital world to seek solace. 

The internet is saturated with lonely people looking for connection or distraction from the empty status quo that rules over them. 

The World Wide Web has something for everyone, regardless of how niche your interests are. 

Hence, it’s the perfect, most accessible domain to appease loneliness. 

When my long-term relationship began fading, I noticed my ex-girlfriend’s online activity increase exponentially. 

She was constantly preoccupied, mindlessly scrolling through her Twitter feed or Instagram reels. 

When we were out to dinner, she was scrolling. 

When we were watching a movie together, she was scrolling. 

When I was driving and she was beside me, she was scrolling. We would sit in silence. 

Sure, she was physically present, but emotionally she was distracted and detached. 

Gradually, I began to realize that something was off; that she was lonely and we had grown apart. 

This realization sadly marked the beginning of the end for us. 

3) They’ll gradually stop communicating 

You’ve heard it before: communication is the cornerstone of any successful, functioning union. 

So when communication goes, more often than not, so does the relationship. 

When we’re truly in love, we can’t wait to converse with our partners, filling them in about day-to-day activities, feelings, and future plans. 

So if you notice your partner has stopped sharing with you with the same vigor they once did, then this may signal a deeper issue.

Speaking of my ex, now that I think of it, it did bother me that our interactions had grown mostly superficial over time. 

There was minimal excitement, just strained small talk. 

Sometimes, as my wise uncle once put it “we’re too close to the forest to see the trees,” so I didn’t consciously realize something was off at the time. 

But looking back, the signs were all too clear. 

4) They won’t be as affectionate as they once were

This one is a no-brainer. 

Perhaps you and your partner were passionately affectionate at one time, regularly intimate, whether in a sexual sense or just plain touchy-feely. 

Physical touch is a common love language for a reason. 

Many of us rely on touch and affection as a form of security in our relationships. 

So when the amount of physical touch and intimacy begins to dwindle, this can mean a lot of things–many of which aren’t ideal. 

If you feel concerned enough about it, proactively addressing this with your other half may be the move here. 

You might find that many of your issues are rooted in emotional disconnect and loneliness. 

5) They’ll be irritable and moody 

Do you remember your partner’s quirks that you once found so endearing? 

Well, once you start feeling detached and lonely in your relationship, those quirks tend to become legitimately annoying, occasionally bordering on infuriating. 

This tension means there’s an underlying issue at play, probably stemming from an inherent feeling of loneliness and angst in one or both partners. 

This can manifest as mundane issues turning into bigger, complicated dramas, as patience wears thin more often. 

If this becomes the norm, know that something desperately needs fixing. 

And if you don’t start moving now, chances are, you’ll regret it later. 

6) They might begin immersing themselves in work or hobbies

To fill a void, lonely partners might redirect their energy elsewhere. 

I don’t necessarily mean they’ll start pursuing scandalous affairs with your best friend. 

Instead, look for more subtle signs. 

For instance, maybe you’ll find that they have been diving into work or hobbies far too excessively. 

This is a normal human reaction to undesirable, difficult circumstances. 

Let’s say you’ve had a stressful week at work. 

When the weekend rolls around, you may find yourself longing for escapism from some work.

So maybe you’ll hit the bar or binge-watch some mindless reality TV for hours on end. 

You long for anything to mentally and emotionally take you away from reality, from the grind. 

The same rule applies to relationships. 

7) They’ll start going out more (without you)

Going back to the example of my ex, I noticed that as our relationship deteriorated, I would regularly find excuses to go out without her.

I’d go out on the town with whoever was available (even sometimes alone) and get inebriated with the vigor of a college freshman. 

My home life had become sad and lonely so leaving provided me with some temporary relief. 

I wasn’t cheating on her, but I did start acting unilaterally with my schedule, consistently making plans, ones which she was often excluded from. 

The truth is that when you feel lonely in your relationship, you almost always seek fulfillment elsewhere. 

Final words 

If you feel lonely or suspect your partner does, I assure you that not all is lost. 

Perhaps life just caught up with you, and one or both of you began taking your relationship for granted. 

It happens. 

Don’t be too hard on yourself. 

But like anything in life that is damaged, you have to actively make an effort to fix things or they will likely get worse. 

So start talking. 

See for yourself how the reality is on the ground; and if things are even worth salvaging.

If it works out, then great, learn from your mistakes and move forward. 

And if your relationship has run its course, that’s okay too. 

You’ll be fine. The pain is temporary. It’s how you bounce back that counts.