There’s a noticeable pattern in how friendships change as we age. Often, it’s not dramatic arguments that end friendships, but subtle shifts in behavior that we may not even recognize.

These shifts are usually unconscious, and people don’t realize they’re pushing friends away until it’s too late. It’s like sleepwalking off a cliff – you don’t know you’re falling until you’ve already hit the ground.

In this article, we’ll point out nine behaviors that tend to sneak up on us as we get older. Identifying these patterns can help prevent the slow drift apart that many of us experience in our friendships over time. So let’s dive in and explore these behaviors together.

1) They stop making an effort

Friendships are like plants. They need regular watering to stay healthy and alive.

As we age, life becomes busier, with careers, family, and other responsibilities demanding our attention. It’s all too easy to put friendships on the back burner.

This is when the “I’m busy” excuse starts creeping in. We may not even notice how often we use it. But to a friend who’s trying to maintain a connection, it sends a clear message: You’re not worth my time.

Remember, it’s not always about having time. It’s about making time. If you find yourself constantly using the “I’m busy” excuse with certain friends, it might be time to reassess your priorities.

2) They start focusing on differences rather than similarities

I’ve noticed this one in my own life. As I’ve gotten older, it’s been easier to focus on the ways I’m different from my friends rather than the things we have in common.

Back in college, my friend Mark and I were inseparable. We had the same classes, the same hobbies, and even the same taste in music. But as years passed, our paths diverged. He went into business, I went into writing. He started a family, while I chose to stay single and focus on my career.

Suddenly, it felt like we had nothing to talk about. We started focusing on our differences rather than our shared experiences and interests. Our conversations became stilted and awkward, filled with long silences.

It took some time to realize what was happening, but once I did, I made a conscious effort to reconnect over our shared love for music and our college memories. This helped to bridge the gap and keep our friendship alive.

3) They let resentment build-up

Resentment is a silent friendship killer. It’s the accumulation of unresolved conflicts, unexpressed feelings, and unmet expectations.

Often, it’s easier to suppress negative emotions and avoid confrontation. But over time, this builds up resentment which can poison even the strongest of friendships.

According to psychologists, resentment can be more damaging to the holder than the person it’s directed towards. It’s like carrying a heavy burden that only gets heavier with time.

Instead of letting resentment build up, try addressing issues as they arise. Honest communication can help resolve conflicts and clear up misunderstandings before they fester into resentment.

4) They stop showing vulnerability

As we age, we tend to build walls around ourselves. It’s a protective mechanism against the pains and disappointments of life. However, this can also isolate us from our friends.

Showing vulnerability, and sharing our struggles, fears, and dreams – these are the threads that weave a deeper connection in friendships.

When we stop being vulnerable, we may give the impression that we’re self-sufficient and don’t need anyone. Friends may interpret this as a sign that their support is not needed or valued.

Strive to keep the lines of communication open. Share your life’s ups and downs with your friends and invite them to do the same. This can strengthen the bond and help maintain long-lasting friendships.

5) They become overly critical

Criticism, when constructive and well-intended, can be beneficial. However, as we grow older, we might unintentionally become more critical of our friends.

We all change with time, and so do our friends. They may develop habits or make choices that we don’t necessarily agree with. While it’s fine to have an opinion, constantly criticizing or judging their choices can put a strain on the friendship.

Everyone has their own journey and makes decisions based on their personal experiences and perceptions. Instead of being overly critical, try to be understanding and supportive. 

6) They stop celebrating each other’s success

There’s something truly beautiful about celebrating a friend’s success as if it were your own. It’s an affirmation of the bond you share, a testament to your mutual respect and love.

As we grow older, we might unknowingly stop doing this. We might get so wrapped up in our own lives that we overlook the importance of acknowledging and celebrating our friends’ achievements.

This can make friends feel unnoticed or undervalued. They may start to question the strength and sincerity of the friendship.

Let this be your constant reminder: true friendship isn’t just about being there during the tough times. It’s also about cheering each other on during the good times.  

7) They begin to take each other for granted

It’s easy to forget the value of something when it’s always there. This is as true for friendships as it is for anything else in life.

There was a time when I didn’t realize this. My friend, Sarah, and I have been friends since we were children. We shared everything, from secrets to clothes. But as we grew older, I started taking our friendship for granted. I stopped putting in effort, assuming she’d always be there.

Then one day, Sarah moved to a different city. Suddenly, the friend who’d always been there wasn’t anymore. It was a wake-up call. I realized that I had taken our friendship for granted and it wasn’t fair to her.

Taking friends for granted can lead to neglect, which can strain or even end friendships. We must remember to appreciate our friends and show them that we value their presence in our lives.

8) They fail to respect each other’s boundaries

Boundaries are crucial in friendships. They help ensure respect and foster a safe environment for everyone involved. 

However, as we age, we may inadvertently neglect these boundaries. We might assume constant availability from our friends, share sensitive information without consent, or meddle in their personal affairs. 

Such actions can breed discomfort and leave friends feeling unappreciated. It’s imperative to honor each other’s boundaries, recognizing that like you, your friends have their own lives and space. 

Always seek consent before crossing boundaries and respect their decisions, even if it means saying no.

9) They forget to express their appreciation

Appreciation is the glue that holds friendships together. It’s about acknowledging the value and worth of your friends and letting them know how much they mean to you.

As we age, we might forget to express our appreciation, assuming that our friends already know how much they mean to us. But everyone needs reassurance and affirmation.

Don’t hesitate to tell your friends how much you appreciate them. A simple “thank you” or “I’m grateful for you” can go a long way in strengthening your friendship and making your friends feel valued and loved.

Balance is the name of the game

As we grow older, we might unintentionally disrupt the balance in our friendships, displaying actions that push our friends away. 

However, it’s vital to realize that it’s never too late to reassess our behaviors and enact positive changes.

As you contemplate your friendships, think about how you can restore balance. How can you express more gratitude? How can you honor boundaries more effectively? How can you better celebrate each other’s triumphs?

Keep in mind, that a genuine friend isn’t just someone who stands by you but also someone who uplifts you. Aim to embody that supportive presence for others too.