Children grow up, leave the nest, and slowly but surely turn into adults who visit their parents twice a year and never call.

Right?

Well, not really.

Plenty of people stay in close touch with their family long after they’ve left home and gone on to build a life elsewhere. It all depends on your family dynamic, who you are, and what you value.

People who tend to fall out with family as they get older usually display these 6 subtle behaviors.

1) They prioritize career success over relationship quality

Let’s kick this off with one of the most obvious culprits: workaholism.

Look, I’m a career-oriented person, too. I also want to shine in my field of expertise and I spend a great deal of time developing my craft, too.

But there’s a limit to how much you can work without sacrificing your personal relationships.

And sadly, many people who fall out with family as the years go by tend to prioritize their career success so much that they completely forget to invest their time and energy into their relationships with parents, siblings, or their grandma.

Before they know it, they’ve distanced themselves so much that they’re essentially strangers.

But if your family isn’t toxic or unhealthy, it’s actually a very good idea to reassess your priorities and spend more time focusing on what truly matters: bonding with your loved ones.

I’m not saying this just because. There are studies that show it is our relationships with others – rather than our financial success or job – that determine our happiness the most.

What’s more, staying in close touch with the people you love may also increase your physical well-being, provide you with an emotional support network, and calm down your nervous system so that you’re not as stressed out.

And what does all of that help?

Yep, that’s right. Your work performance.

It’s all interconnected.

2) They’re big fans of individualism

…and there’s nothing wrong with that in and of itself.

I’m an individualist myself. It’s what often happens when you grow up in unhealthy family dynamics and decide to change your life for the better – you learn to be self-reliant and independent, and it is through your freedom that you find true happiness.

I get it.

But I’m also a firm believer that a sense of community is invaluable, be it your friendship group, your relatives, or the family you’ve built for yourself alongside your partner.

The truth of the matter is that humans are social beings and that you can’t do it all on your own.

It’s okay to need help. It’s okay to rely on others. It’s okay to let your guard down and let someone else look after you once in a while.

Individualism is great and all, but it’s important that we keep ourselves in check and don’t take it too far.

3) They struggle to maintain long-distance communication

Another reason people may fall out with their family as they get older is that they might live quite far away and find it difficult to stay in touch.

Out of sight, out of mind, and all that jazz.

This is also why so many adult friendships fall apart – more often than not, we tend to choose the path of the least resistance, and if it’s not convenient for us to see our friends and relatives on a regular basis, we just… don’t do it.

But that’s the crux of the problem. Relationships – especially non-romantic ones – are often portrayed as something that doesn’t require any effort. They just are.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. If you want to maintain your relationships in adulthood, you’ve got to put the work in. I’m sorry, that’s just a fact.

Schedule regular phone calls with your parents. Message your friends from time to time and share important life updates with them. Carve out some time in your schedule for that long-overdue catchup over coffee.

Make your relationships more of a priority.

4) They’re not all that interested in their relatives’ lives

Some people – especially those who go on to live abroad, study at university, and travel the world – may become very uninterested in their relatives’ small-town lives as they collect new experiences and expand their horizons.

I’ve been guilty of this, too. While I constantly learn something new and grow as a person, my relatives chat about the customers they’ve had at the corner shop where they work or their long shifts at the factory.

At first glance, this can seem pretty… well, boring.

But I dare you to go beyond the surface-level topics. Ask yourself whether there is something you truly want to know about the person in question – family history, old romances, their outlook on life – and then swerve the conversation in that direction.

You may be pleasantly surprised to find that most people have something valuable to offer if only you ask the right questions and approach them with genuine curiosity and open-mindedness.

What’s more, it’s vital that you learn to accept your family for who they are (unless they’re very toxic, of course). They may not be able to offer you exactly what you want and need, but perhaps it’s okay to accept what they can give and find true fulfillment elsewhere.

See them in their entirety, embrace them as they are, and stop holding them to expectations they can’t meet.

5) They struggle to forgive and move on

This is a hard one, I’m not going to lie.

Forgiveness is a very long and painful process, one that is extremely individual and depends on your past and current circumstances.

In general, though, people who fall out with family as they get older may do so because they struggle to let go of resentment for things that happened in the past.

This isn’t to say it’s a requirement for us to forgive our families. It’s not. You can be perfectly happy on your own, having severed ties with your relatives. You can heal in peace.

But if the grudges you hold aren’t as severe and if your family genuinely seem to try to change for the better, maybe it’s time to work on your ability to forgive.

Mind you, forgiveness isn’t a simple “I forgive you”.

True forgiveness is all about processing your pain, validating your own feelings, reflecting upon the situation from a more objective point of view, and ultimately accepting it for what it is.

Moreover, you don’t even need to tell the person in question that you forgive them.

Because forgiveness is primarily for you.

6) They’ve decided to cut their family off for personal reasons

And that’s perfectly fine.

Not all families are meant to stay with us forever. It is often our chosen family – our friendships, for example – that truly matter.

Ultimately, we all have to do what’s best for our well-being, and if severing ties with your family feels like the right choice moving forward, then who am I to tell you you’re wrong?

Only you know whether your relationship with your family is sustainable and whether it serves you at this point in life. Only you know if you can move past certain things or if they’re a deal-breaker.

And only you can decide what to do next.