Family, the bedrock of our lives, the place where we experience our first taste of love, conflict, and compromise.

But as we grow older, have you ever noticed that some people start to drift away from their family? The reason may not be as nefarious as it seems.

Here’s the thing.

Often, it’s not a conscious decision or an act of rebellion. It could be unintentional behaviors that result in this rift.

The irony is that these behaviors are typically unnoticed by those exhibiting them.

So if you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why am I growing apart from my family?” or “How can I maintain a strong bond with my family as I age?” you might want to reflect on these seven behaviors that could unintentionally be causing you to fall out with your loved ones.

1) Lack of communication

It may seem obvious, but it’s worth mentioning. Communication is the bedrock of any relationship. Without it, misunderstandings can sprout, and the distance between family members can grow.

Here’s the thing.

As we get older, we often get caught up in our own lives. Work, friends, partners – they all demand our attention and time. And sometimes, without realizing it, we start to communicate less with our family.

We might miss out on calls or forget to check in on them. We might even start to keep things from them to avoid unnecessary drama or debate.

And as a result, this lack of communication can inadvertently create a gap between us and our family.

So if you’re noticing a growing distance with your family, it might be worth asking yourself: “Am I communicating enough with them?”

2) Neglecting to show appreciation

It’s easy to take our family for granted. After all, they’ve always been there for us, right?

But this can sometimes lead to a lack of appreciation which can create an emotional distance.

Let me share something personal.

A few years ago, I was so engrossed in my career that I barely had time for anything else. I took my family’s constant support for granted and rarely expressed my gratitude.

One day, my brother confronted me. He told me how my lack of appreciation was hurting them.

That was a wake-up call for me.

I realized that while I was busy chasing my dreams, I had unintentionally neglected the people who mattered most.

So take a moment and ask yourself: “Am I showing my family the appreciation they deserve?” Sometimes, a simple ‘thank you’ or acknowledgment can make all the difference.

3) Not making time for family

We live in a busy world. Our calendars are full of meetings, deadlines, social events, and personal commitments. It’s easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of life and inadvertently push family to the sidelines.

Let’s face it, it’s happened to most of us.

We promise mom we’ll visit next weekend, but then a friend’s party pops up, and we reschedule.

We tell our sibling we’ll call them back after the meeting, but then we forget. Or we say we’ll be there for dinner, but work runs late, and we miss it.

This pattern repeats until one day we realize that it’s been months since we had a heart-to-heart conversation with our family or even sat down for a meal together.

It’s not intentional. We don’t mean to sideline our family.

But our actions speak louder than our intentions, and this can lead to feelings of neglect and distance.

Ask yourself: “Am I making enough time for my family?” Because at the end of the day, it’s not about having time, it’s about making time.

4) Holding onto grudges

Family relationships, like any other relationship, are not always sunshine and rainbows. There can be disagreements, arguments, and even fights.

But as we get older, these disputes can sometimes turn into grudges that we cling onto.

The thing is, holding onto grudges is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. It only harms our relationship with our family and creates unnecessary tension.

Think about it.

Is there a family fight from years ago that you’re still sour about? Are you holding onto a resentment that’s creating a wall between you and a family member?

If the answer is yes, it may be time to let go of the grudge. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary for maintaining healthy family relationships. Life’s too short to hold onto bitterness.

5) Ignoring family traditions

Family traditions are like the glue that holds the family together. They’re a time for bonding, creating memories, and reinforcing a sense of belonging.

But did you know that according to research by Emory University, children who know more about their family’s history have higher levels of self-esteem and a stronger sense of control over their lives?

As we grow older, we sometimes overlook the importance of maintaining these traditions. Be it Sunday family dinners, holiday get-togethers, or even something as simple as bedtime stories for the kids.

We might think they’re insignificant or find them tiresome amidst our busy lives. Yet, in doing so, we risk weakening the bond with our family.

So reflect on this: “Am I valuing our family traditions?” Keeping them alive could be key to keeping your family ties strong.

6) Being judgmental

We all have our own paths in life, our own choices to make, and our own mistakes to learn from. And sometimes, these paths may not align with what our family expects of us.

Here’s something to ponder on.

It’s critical to remember that just as you are evolving and changing with time, so are your family members. They too have their journeys, their struggles, and their triumphs.

If we start to judge them for their choices or try to impose our beliefs on them, it can create friction and resentment. It’s essential to offer them the same understanding and empathy that we seek for ourselves.

Ask yourself: “Am I being too judgmental towards my family?” Remember, kindness and understanding go a long way in strengthening family bonds.

7) Failing to express love and affection

At the core of every relationship lies a simple, yet powerful emotion – love. But sometimes, amidst the chaos of life, we forget to express this love to our family.

It’s not just about saying “I love you”. It’s about showing it through our actions – a tight hug, a comforting pat on the back, or simply being there in times of need.

Love is like a plant. It needs to be nurtured and watered regularly to bloom. Without it, relationships can wither.

So ask yourself: “Am I expressing my love and affection towards my family?” Because at the end of the day, love is what keeps a family together.

Final thoughts

Recognizing these behaviors in yourself might be a bit uncomfortable. It could even stir up feelings of guilt or regret. But remember, self-awareness is always the first step towards change.

The good news?

Each of these behaviors can be changed with conscious effort and introspection.

Start by acknowledging and understanding your behaviors. Reflect on how they might have impacted your relationships with your family. Then, think about what you can do differently.

It’s not an overnight process, nor is it easy. But it’s definitely worth it. After all, strong family bonds are one of the most beautiful and rewarding aspects of life.

So, what steps will you take today to become a better family member?