People who enjoy helping others but have trouble saying “no” often display these 7 subtle behaviors

Ava Sinclair by Ava Sinclair | March 24, 2024, 10:02 pm

We all have an innate desire to help others, but sometimes that desire can blur the boundaries of self-care.

You might find yourself constantly lending a helping hand, yet struggling to utter the two-letter word “no” when you’re stretched beyond your limits.

How do you know if this tendency of yours is normal or if it’s a sign that you’re taking on too much while neglecting your own needs?

After observing this trait in myself and in many people around me, I’ve identified 7 subtle behaviors that are often displayed by those who love helping others but have trouble saying “no”.  

1) They constantly feel drained

Helping others is a beautiful trait, but it can come at a cost. Those who have trouble saying “no” often end up feeling mentally and physically exhausted.

They pour so much of themselves into the needs of others that they ignore their own until they are running on empty.

From lending an ear to a friend’s problems to taking on extra work at the office, their inability to say “no” means they rarely have time to recharge.

This constant state of exhaustion isn’t just about being tired. It’s a deeper kind of fatigue that seeps into every aspect of life, leaving them feeling depleted and emotionally drained.

2) They excel at multitasking

We often celebrate the ability to multitask as a sign of efficiency, but behind this skill, there could be a struggle to say “no”.

People who enjoy helping others but can’t refuse requests often become masters of juggling multiple tasks at once. They take on more than they can handle, believing they can manage it all.

While this might seem like a positive trait on the surface, it’s important to note that multitasking can sometimes be a mask for overcommitment. It’s a way of trying to keep up with the overload of tasks they’ve taken on because they find it hard to decline requests.

3) They often feel overwhelmed

It’s natural to feel overwhelmed occasionally, especially during stressful periods. However, for those who can’t say “no”, this feeling of being overwhelmed becomes a constant companion.

They take on so many responsibilities that their to-do list seems never-ending. Every time they tick off one task, two more seem to take its place.

This constant cycle can leave them feeling like they’re drowning under the weight of their commitments.

If you’re frequently overwhelmed, it’s a sign that you need to reassess what you’re agreeing to. Remember, you don’t have to do everything for everyone. It’s okay to delegate tasks and ask for help when you need it.  

4) They struggle with guilt

People who enjoy helping others but have trouble refusing requests often grapple with feelings of guilt when they consider putting their needs first. They worry about letting people down and fear appearing selfish or uncaring.

An interesting fact about guilt is that it’s not just an emotion. It can also manifest physically.

Experts have indicated that enduring feelings of guilt may result in conditions such as anxiety disorders, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), dysphoria, dissatisfaction with life or events, and eating disorders.

If your generosity often leaves you wrestling with guilt,  remind yourself that helping others should not come at the cost of your own health and well-being.  

5) They rarely put themselves first

People who can’t say “no” often live in a world where their needs, desires, and dreams take a backseat. Their life becomes a series of actions in service to others, leaving little room for their own ambitions.

They might miss out on their favorite activities because they’re helping a friend move. They may skip meals to complete tasks for others. Their weekends might be filled with commitments they agreed to, leaving no time for relaxation or personal pursuits.

Living this way can lead to feelings of resentment and bitterness over time. If you find your own needs are consistently being sidelined, it’s a sign that you need to start saying “no” more often.  

6) They’re admired for their reliability

Many people who struggle to say “no” are often admired by others for their reliability. They’re the ones who can always be counted on, the go-to individuals when something needs to be done.

However, this admirable quality can be a double-edged sword.

While being reliable is a wonderful trait, being too reliable to the point where it’s expected can lead to feelings of being taken for granted.

This constant expectation to be available and helpful can make it even harder for them to decline requests, trapping them in a self-perpetuating cycle.

7) They feel responsible for others’ happiness

People who have difficulty saying “no” often carry an unnecessary burden: they feel responsible for other people’s happiness.

They go to great lengths to please others, sometimes sacrificing their own comfort and peace of mind in the process.

They worry that refusing a request might upset someone or damage a relationship. This fear of conflict or disappointing others can drive them to agree to things they don’t really want to do.

Overcoming the fear of saying “No”

The struggle to say “no” is more than just a habit. It’s often tied to deeper emotional patterns.

People who find it hard to decline requests might be seeking approval, trying to avoid conflict, or fearing the loss of relationships.

But it’s important to understand that saying “no” has nothing to do with being unkind or selfish. It’s about setting boundaries and respecting your own needs and limitations.

In fact, when we constantly say “yes” out of fear or guilt, we are not really being true to ourselves or fair to others.

The key lies in finding a balance – a way to be generous without sacrificing yourself in the process.