Dealing with someone who refuses to own their actions can be exhausting.

One of the most telling signs is the language they use to shift blame or downplay their role in a situation.

Whether it’s a subtle deflection or an outright dismissal, these phrases can erode trust and stall meaningful conversation.

Understanding these common expressions can empower you to identify avoidance tactics and respond more effectively.

In this article, I’m going to share with you nine of these frustrating phrases; these are the linguistic tools of the escapist, the sentences that deflect blame and responsibility:

1) “It wasn’t my fault!”

This is a classic deflection tactic used by individuals who don’t want to accept responsibility for their actions.

They place the blame elsewhere, on circumstances or other people, instead of acknowledging their role in the situation.

It’s a way of saying, “I’m not responsible for this outcome” or, rather, an attempt to distance themselves from any potential negative consequences or reactions.

The thing is, we all make mistakes—it’s part of being human—but owning up to them is what separates the mature from the immature.

2) “I didn’t mean it like that…”

Ever heard of the term “gaslighting”?

In simple terms, gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person attempts to make someone else question their own understanding, memory, or perception.

When someone says this phrase, they’re essentially trying to rewrite the narrative.

They might have said or done something inappropriate or hurtful, but instead of accepting that and apologizing, they try to twist the situation.

They suggest that a person just misunderstood them, and continue to place the blame on the same person’s interpretation rather than their action.

And the worst part?

It can make the person in question to second-guess their own judgment and understanding, which is precisely what these manipulators might want!

3) “You’re overreacting!”

Linked closely with the previous point of gaslighting, this phrase is often used to dismiss one’s feelings or reactions, suggesting that they’re unjustified or exaggerated.

It’s a sly method of shifting the focus from their actions to a person’s response.

Instead of addressing their mistake or inappropriate behavior, these gaslighters make it about how the person they’re talking to is responding to it.

In essence, they’re dismissing their feelings and putting them on the defensive—it’s a clever, yet frustrating tactic used by those who don’t want to own up to their actions.

4) “I was just joking!”

This certain phrase is a common one in the arsenal of those who refuse to take responsibility for their actions.

It’s used as a shield, protecting the speaker from any backlash or criticism.

For example: If Person A is upset or hurt by what Person B told them, then Person B will proceed to say that it isn’t their fault that Person A just didn’t understand their ‘joke’.

However, a joke is supposed to make people laugh, and not feel belittled or embarrassed.

When someone uses this phrase, they’re not only refusing to take responsibility for their hurtful words but they’re also trying to make you feel bad for not ‘getting’ their sense of humor.

It’s an attempt to downplay the impact of their words and actions, and yet another way for them to dodge accountability.

5) “That’s just how I am.”

This phrase is a clever escape hatch.

It’s used by people who refuse to change or address their behavior because they see it as part of their ‘identity’.

In essence, it’s a way to justify actions or behaviors that may be inappropriate, hurtful, or simply annoying.

When someone uses this phrase, they’re essentially saying:

• “I don’t need to change.”
• “I won’t take responsibility for my actions.”
• “Your feelings or opinions on this don’t matter.”

It’s an absolute refusal to take responsibility for one’s actions or behavior.

6) “I don’t remember doing that?”

Everyone has had moments where they genuinely didn’t remember something they did or said.

But when the phrase “I don’t remember doing that” is used repeatedly as a shield against accountability, that’s where it becomes a problem.

It’s another classic deflection tactic.

By claiming a lack of memory, the person conveniently sidesteps having to face any consequences or negative reactions to their actions.

I’ve personally encountered this phrase numerous times in my interactions, and it can be incredibly frustrating—it’s as if the person is wiping their slate clean of any wrongdoing.

Know this: A lapse in memory is not an excuse for bad behavior or a free pass from taking responsibility for one’s actions.

7) “I didn’t think it was a big deal!”

Sure, this might seem harmless at first glance, but it’s a lot more cunning than it appears.

When someone says this, they’re essentially downplaying their actions and its impact on a person or on other people.

It’s as if they’re saying, “If I didn’t think it was a big deal, then it shouldn’t be a big deal to you either.”

But, here’s the catch: Who are they to decide what should or shouldn’t bother a person? Isn’t it a person’s right to express their feelings and reactions without having them dismissed?

Everyone has different thresholds for what they consider a ‘big deal’.

8) “I was just trying to help!”

This sounds innocent enough at times—and, sometimes, it genuinely is!—but, other times, it’s a sly deflection tactic used to evade responsibility.

I remember a time when a friend offered unsolicited advice about a personal issue I was dealing with.

When I expressed that I felt undermined and hurt, their response was, “I was just trying to help”.

In their mind, they were offering support—but, in reality, their actions had crossed a boundary and made me uncomfortable.

This phrase is a way to sidestep negative reactions or consequences for their actions.

It’s as if their noble intentions should absolve them of any hurt they may have caused.

Good intentions don’t always lead to good outcomes, and using this phrase as an excuse doesn’t change the impact of their actions.

9) “You’re just too sensitive.”

This phrase is essentially a dismissal of your feelings and experiences.

It’s a way for the person to avoid taking responsibility for their actions by making it about your reaction.

For them, they’re not the problem; someone else is, for being too sensitive.

Everyone’s feelings are valid; everyone has the right to express when they’re hurt or upset by someone’s actions, and no one has the right to dismiss that by labeling them as ‘too sensitive’.

Recognizing this phrase for what it truly is—a deflection of responsibility—is a crucial step in dealing with people who consistently avoid owning up to their actions.

So, what can someone do when faced with these phrases?

Now that you’re aware of these nine frustrating phrases, the question becomes: what can you do when faced with them?

Here are a few strategies to consider:

• Stay composed: Reacting emotionally can worsen the situation. Aim to stay calm and collected.
• Express yourself: Share your feelings and how their actions impacted you.
• Set clear boundaries: Define what behavior you find acceptable.
• Seek support if needed: If these interactions affect your mental health, consider talking to a therapist or counselor.

Remember, you can’t force someone to take responsibility, but you can control your response.

Dealing with people who avoid accountability is tough, but these tips can help you navigate those conversations and foster healthier, more accountable interactions.