Self-love isn’t just a fleeting trend—it’s the bedrock of a genuinely happy and satisfying life. Sadly, not everyone embraces it wholeheartedly, and this deficiency can surface in subtle yet significant ways.

Spotting these behaviors isn’t always straightforward—it’s like deciphering an unfamiliar language without a guide. But fear not, I’ve got your back.

With years of experience as a relationship expert, I’ve become fluent in decoding this intricate language of self-love (or its absence).

In this article, I’ll unveil seven unmistakable behaviors commonly exhibited by those who haven’t yet embraced self-love. Without much further ado, let’s dive in. 

1) They apologize excessively

Ever noticed someone who’s always apologizing, even when it’s unnecessary? It’s a classic sign of struggling with self-love.

People who lack self-love often view themselves as a burden or perpetually in the wrong. They apologize excessively for everything, from their ideas to their feelings, as if they’re inherently troublesome.

But here’s the truth—they’re not any more flawed or burdensome than anyone else. Their constant apologies stem from their own self-perception rather than their actual impact on others.

It’s not about cutting out apologies altogether. Instead, it’s about recognizing when an apology is genuinely warranted versus when it stems from a tendency to put oneself down.  

2) They’re often successful and ambitious

Success isn’t always a clear sign of self-worth and confidence.

Those who lack genuine self-love can often be the most driven and accomplished individuals in the room. They throw themselves into their work, striving for perfection, driven by an insatiable need to prove themselves to others.

For them, success isn’t about recognizing their own abilities; it’s a shield against criticism and rejection. They believe that if they achieve enough, they’ll finally be worthy of love and respect.

But this pursuit is precarious. No matter how much they achieve, it never seems to satisfy their deep-seated feelings of inadequacy.

Success becomes an exhausting and never-ending quest, leaving them perpetually unfulfilled.

3) They form codependent relationships

Now, let’s talk about relationships. Often, people who struggle with self-love find themselves in codependent relationships.

In a codependent relationship, one person becomes so focused on the needs and feelings of the other that they disregard their own. They believe that their worth is tied to keeping their partner happy at all costs, even if it means losing themselves in the process.

I’ve come across this numerous times over the years, both in my personal life and while working with clients. It’s a tricky cycle to break, one that requires understanding of not just the symptoms, but the underlying causes as well.

In fact, I delve into this topic quite extensively in my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s a resource I’ve created to help people navigate their way out of codependency and towards healthier relationships.

But remember, spotting a pattern of codependency is just the first step. Learning to love yourself and establish boundaries is where the real work begins.

4) They struggle with self-care

Neglecting self-care is a significant red flag that often goes beyond just skipping spa days or relaxation. It encompasses essential practices like resting, eating well, staying active, and finding joy in daily life.

People who lack self-love often fall into this trap. They might overwork themselves, skip meals, or sacrifice sleep, prioritizing others’ needs over their own well-being.

I’ve been there myself. I used to think taking care of myself was selfish and that constant productivity was the key to value. Now, I understand that self-care is crucial for overall health and happiness.

As the renowned poet Maya Angelou once said, “I have learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as ‘making a life'”.

Self-care is not just about maintaining our physical health, but also about crafting a life that we love and value.

5) They struggle with accepting compliments

Ever given someone a compliment only to have them shrug it off or downplay their accomplishment?

It’s often a sign they’re struggling with self-love.

People who wrestle with their self-worth can find it tough to take compliments. They might feel like they don’t deserve the praise or figure the person giving it is just being polite.

I used to be in that boat too. When someone complimented me, I’d wave it off immediately. I’d think they were just being nice or didn’t really mean it. It took me a while to realize my reaction said more about my own self-esteem than their sincerity.

Here’s the deal—learning to accept compliments simply means recognizing your own worth and letting yourself be seen and appreciated by others. It’s a small but powerful step toward embracing real self-love.

6) They second-guess their decisions

Ever find yourself second-guessing every decision you make, big or small? This could be a sign of lack of self-love.

People who don’t love themselves often doubt their own judgement. They’re constantly worried about making the wrong choice and disappointing others. This fear can paralyze them, making it difficult to move forward.

This is something I used to struggle with. I’d agonize over every decision, worried that I would make a mistake.

But then I came across a quote by the great Albert Einstein: “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

Mistakes are a part of life. They’re how we learn and grow. Embracing this fact can help us let go of the fear of making wrong decisions and start trusting ourselves more.

For more insights like this, feel free to follow me on Facebook. I regularly share articles and thoughts on self-love, relationships, and personal growth.

7) They hide their true selves

One of the most common behaviors I’ve noticed in people who struggle with self-love is their tendency to hide their true selves.

They often put on a facade, pretending to be someone they’re not. Deep down, they believe their authentic selves aren’t good enough, so they wear a mask they hope will make them more accepted.

Changing this behavior is incredibly challenging because it means facing deep-seated fears and insecurities head-on. It requires courage and vulnerability. However, it’s also incredibly liberating.

When you unveil your true self—the imperfections, quirks, and passions—and fully embrace who you are, it’s the ultimate expression of self-love.

And let me tell you, there’s nothing more freeing than that.

Mirror, mirror: Reflect, evolve, love!

Throughout our exploration of behaviors that indicate a lack of self-love, I hope you’ve had moments of insight and maybe even recognized parts of your own journey. 

But understanding is only the beginning. Real change happens gradually—it’s about being kind to yourself and making small, consistent efforts each day to embrace self-acceptance.

One practice that has profoundly influenced my own path is self-reflection. It involves looking at yourself in the mirror and asking honest questions about your actions, emotions, fears, and aspirations.

Recently, I discovered a powerful mirror exercise by Justin Brown that has been transformative for me.

In his video, he shares five profound questions aimed at deepening self-love and enhancing your relationship with yourself. I highly recommend checking it out:

As we learn to love ourselves more deeply, we become better equipped to foster healthier relationships with others. We become more authentic, more resilient, and more content in our own skin.

So here’s to embracing our quirks, our flaws, our strengths, and our dreams. Here’s to loving ourselves – truly and deeply – because we are worth it.