There’s often a stark difference between what people say and what they truly feel. This is especially the case when it comes to life regrets.

Regrets can be deeply personal, and admitting them openly can feel like a confession of failure. However, those who struggle to admit their regrets often display certain identifiable traits.

Let’s delve into this. By observing these traits, we may be able to help others (or even ourselves) confront and deal with life’s regrets in a healthier way.

1) They often deflect

Regrets can be heavy to bear, and admitting them requires a certain level of vulnerability.

People who struggle to accept their life choices instead often resort to deflection. This is a defense mechanism that allows them to avoid confronting the regret head-on.

Deflection might come in the form of humor, changing the subject, or even becoming defensive when the topic is broached. It’s their way of avoiding the discomfort that comes with admission.

By understanding this trait, we can approach the conversation with more sensitivity, giving them the space to express their regrets when they’re ready.

Remember though, it’s important not to force someone into admitting something they are not ready to confront. Patience and empathy go a long way in these situations.

2) They are prone to nostalgia

I’ve observed this trait in a few people I’ve known throughout my life, and even found myself falling into the same pattern at times.

Those harbouring unvoiced regrets often seem to romanticise the past. They frequently talk about the ‘good old days’ and seem to linger in their memories more than most. It’s as if they’re trying to escape the present, which is colored by the regret they’re unwilling to admit.

For example, I had a friend who often spoke about her college years with an air of longing. She’d recount stories of her carefree days, filled with laughter and adventures. It took me a while to realize that she was grieving over her decision to drop out of college, a choice she deeply regretted but struggled to admit.

This trait serves as a reminder that sometimes, looking back can be an effective way of avoiding the reality of our present situations.

3) They criticize others’ choices

Ever noticed how some individuals are quick to judge the decisions of others? It’s not just a sign of a critical nature. It could be indicative of unvoiced regret.

Psychology suggests that when people feel dissatisfied with their own decisions, they may project these feelings onto others. By criticizing the choices made by others, they externalize their internal struggle, making it easier to cope with their own regret.

In a way, it’s an attempt to shift focus from their own regretful decisions to the perceived mistakes of others. By highlighting someone else’s ‘wrong’ decision, they subtly distance themselves from their own regretful choices.

4) They are uneasy with change

Change can be a challenging concept for anyone. But for those grappling with deep-seated regret, it can feel downright daunting.

People who regret their life choices but struggle to admit it often display unease or even fear when faced with change. This could be due to the fact that they associate change with past decisions that have led to regret. The fear of making another regrettable decision can make them resist any form of change.

They might prefer to stay in their comfort zones, even if it’s not fulfilling, rather than risk making a decision that could lead to further regrets. It’s a protective mechanism – by avoiding change, they avoid potential regret.

5) They avoid decisions

Decision-making can be a daunting task, especially for those wrestling with past regrets. To avoid the risk of adding more regrets to their list, they might opt to avoid making decisions altogether.

They might procrastinate on making choices, or frequently rely on others to make decisions for them, even when it comes to relatively small matters. This way, they can dodge the responsibility and potential regret that comes with decision-making.

This trait is particularly common in those who struggle with anxiety or fear of failure. It’s important to approach this behavior with understanding and patience, helping them gradually regain their confidence in decision-making.

6) They harbour unfulfilled dreams

Deep down in their hearts, people who struggle to admit their regrets often cling to unfulfilled dreams.

These could be dreams they’ve had since childhood, or ambitions they developed later in life. But for one reason or another, they’ve left these dreams unfulfilled. And the weight of that choice haunts them, even if they’re unable to admit it.

They might often talk about these dreams in a wistful way, or you might catch a glimpse of regret in their eyes when the topic comes up. It’s a poignant reminder of the roads not taken, the life they could have had if only they’d made different choices.

This is a deeply emotional trait that requires empathy and understanding from those around them. Offer them support and encouragement, remind them that it’s never too late to chase their dreams.

7) They often seem lost in thought

People carrying unspoken regrets often find themselves lost in thought. I’ve experienced this myself. There were times when I would zone out during conversations, my mind wandering back to certain choices I made that I wished I could alter.

This introspective behavior is a way of processing regret, replaying scenarios, and imagining different outcomes. It’s like a mental ‘what if’ game that unfortunately doesn’t change the past but can cause a lot of emotional turmoil.

The key is to notice this trait and not let it consume you. If you find yourself or someone else frequently lost in thought over past decisions, it may be time to confront these regrets and start the healing process.

8) They exhibit perfectionist tendencies

Perfectionism can be a sign of hidden regret. Individuals who regret past decisions but are hesitant to admit it might overcompensate by striving for perfection in everything they do.

This can manifest as an obsession with never making a mistake, constantly seeking approval, or putting excessive pressure on themselves to meet high standards. This drive for perfection can be an attempt to avoid future regret, a way to ensure they don’t make the ‘wrong’ choice again.

While striving for excellence isn’t inherently negative, the problem arises when the fear of making mistakes paralyzes their ability to act or causes undue stress. Recognizing this trait is the first step towards addressing it.

9) They struggle with self-forgiveness

Perhaps the most significant trait displayed by individuals who deeply regret their life choices but find it hard to admit is their struggle with self-forgiveness. They often hold themselves to an unattainable standard of perfection, and when they fall short, they find it difficult to forgive themselves.

Self-forgiveness is not about ignoring or justifying mistakes, but rather acknowledging them and accepting that we are human and bound to err. Without self-forgiveness, we remain trapped in our past, unable to move forward.

Remember, forgiving yourself is a crucial step towards healing and growth.

Final thoughts: It’s a journey

Dealing with regret is a deeply personal and intricate process. It’s tied to our past decisions, our current perceptions, and our hopes for the future.

One important thing to remember is that everyone, at some point in their lives, experiences regret. It’s a universal human emotion. What varies is how we choose to deal with it.

The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” In the context of regret, this quote holds profound relevance. Our regrets, while painful, can serve as invaluable life lessons. They can make us wiser, more empathetic, and more resilient.

Recognizing the traits associated with unexpressed regrets is just the first step in a longer journey of self-discovery and healing. If you or someone you know is exhibiting these traits, remember it’s okay to seek help.

Whether it’s talking to a trusted friend or seeking professional guidance from a therapist, opening up about your regrets can be liberating and therapeutic.

Life is too short to be burdened by unvoiced regrets. It’s time to embrace our past mistakes as part of our growth and move forward with kindness and forgiveness towards ourselves.