If you’re anything like me, you’ve likely been drawn into a social media debate at least once.

We can easily find ourselves entangled in online arguments, fervently trying to persuade strangers that our viewpoint reigns supreme. But have you ever paused to ponder why we’re so compelled to do this?

Often, those who habitually engage in these disputes exhibit certain patterns, often unknowingly. I’ve pinpointed seven behaviors commonly seen among individuals who simply can’t resist a social media showdown.

Next time you’re in a heated online discussion, consider if you’re falling into one of these patterns. Recognizing them can help us understand our motivations and improve communication, both online and offline.

1) Seeking validation

We all want to feel heard, and social media provides a perfect platform for that. But when individuals constantly argue with strangers on these platforms, they’re often seeking validation.

It’s not just about winning an argument or presenting the best case. It’s about feeling validated in their beliefs and opinions, seeking a form of acceptance that may be difficult to find elsewhere.

This pursuit of validation can become a driving force, leading individuals to engage in endless debates with strangers. They aren’t necessarily looking for a resolution – they’re looking for confirmation that their perspective is valid.

2) Escaping reality

It might seem counterintuitive, but some folks engage in constant online disputes as a way to escape their real-life problems or responsibilities.

Social media arguments can become a distraction, a way to temporarily forget about personal issues or challenges. The more heated the discussion, the easier it is to lose yourself in it and leave reality behind.

This form of escapism is not uncommon, but it can become unhealthy if it starts to consume large chunks of time or affects real-life relationships and responsibilities.

3) Mistaking intensity for intimacy

Interestingly, some people mistake the intensity of social media arguments for a form of intimacy. The constant back-and-forth, the shared emotional highs and lows, it all creates a sense of connection that can feel intensely personal, even though it’s happening with a stranger.

In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss how we often confuse intensity with intimacy in our relationships. This same principle can apply to our interactions on social media.

The truth is, real intimacy is about understanding, compassion, and mutual respect – elements often missing from heated online debates. Recognizing this confusion can help us redirect our energy towards building more meaningful and healthy connections, both online and offline.

4) Feeding off the drama

Let’s be honest, some of us are drawn to drama. It provides a rush, a thrill that can be as addictive as any substance. This is true for some individuals who constantly argue on social media – they feed off the drama.

As Maya Angelou wisely said, “You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”

Similarly, you can tell a lot about a person by how they respond to online disagreements. Do they aim for resolution and understanding? Or do they ramp up the drama?

5) Struggling with self-identity

Online arguments can sometimes be a reflection of an inner struggle with self-identity. When we’re unsure of who we are, we tend to seek out external affirmation, and social media provides just that platform.

In my personal journey, I’ve found that the more secure I became in my identity, the less I felt the need to argue my point of view with others, especially strangers on the internet.

If you find yourself constantly in online debates, it might be worth asking if these arguments serve as a way for you to defend or establish your identity. 

6) Seeking a sense of control

Life can be unpredictable and chaotic at times. In those moments, we may seek out ways to exert some control, even if it’s in a virtual space like social media.

And you know what? Engaging in online arguments can give us a sense of control, as we get to dictate the pace and direction of the conversation.

I’ve learned over the years that true control comes from within, not from trying to control others or external situations. As the great Mahatma Gandhi said, “The only tyrant I accept in this world is the ‘still small voice’ within.”

For more insights and articles like this one, follow me on my Facebook page here. Let’s continue this journey together!

7) Masking loneliness

It’s not easy to admit, but sometimes, our constant online arguments are a way to mask deeper feelings of loneliness.

Social media can create the illusion of connection, and engaging in debates gives us a sense of interaction, even if it’s negative.

Let’s face it, loneliness hurts. Sometimes, arguing with strangers online can provide a fleeting sense of validation, even if it’s in a confrontational context.

If you find yourself constantly embroiled in online disputes, take a moment to check in with yourself. Are you feeling isolated? Are these arguments filling a void? Recognizing this can be the first step towards seeking healthier connections and addressing feelings of loneliness.

Understanding our online selves

We can all agree that social media has revolutionized how we connect. It’s a realm of endless possibilities, but it’s also brought to light some behaviors that merit closer examination.

One such behavior, as we’ve discussed, is the tendency to engage in frequent arguments with strangers online. Whether it’s seeking validation or masking feelings of loneliness, these actions often run deeper than surface-level interactions.

By identifying these patterns within ourselves and others, we can take a significant step toward fostering more positive online exchanges. It’s not about assigning blame or judgment; it’s about gaining insight to promote personal growth.

For further insights into this topic, I recommend checking out an insightful video by Justin Brown. He delves into the intricacies of our online behaviors, offering valuable perspectives on how to navigate social media with greater mindfulness.

Remember, the key is to approach our online interactions with empathy and understanding – for others and for ourselves. By doing so, we can turn social media into a tool for connection rather than confrontation.