As we age, our personal growth can take many different forms. Some of us become more selfless and compassionate, while others may turn inward and become more self-centered.

The latter isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but understanding these changes is essential for maintaining healthy relationships.

People who grow more self-centered with age often show certain behaviors. Let’s delve into what these are.

1) Increasingly focused on personal needs

With age, some individuals begin to prioritize their own needs above all else.

This isn’t inherently harmful; after all, self-care is essential. However, when this focus becomes disproportionate, it can lead to self-centered behavior.

These individuals may start to make decisions based solely on their personal interests, often overlooking or disregarding the needs and feelings of others around them.

The shift may be subtle at first, yet as time passes, it becomes increasingly evident. They may begin to cancel plans last-minute if they don’t feel like attending or consistently choose activities that only they enjoy.

This behavior isn’t always due to a lack of empathy or care for others. Sometimes, it’s simply a shift in focus towards fulfilling their own needs and desires as they age.

2) Less interest in others’ lives

Another sign that someone is becoming more self-centered with age is a noticeable decrease in interest in other people’s lives.

Let me share a personal example. My dear grandmother, in her younger years, was the heart of our family get-togethers. She’d always be eager to hear about our lives, asking detailed questions about school, work, and relationships.

But as she got older, we noticed a shift. Conversations became one-sided. She’d talk at length about her experiences and interests but showed diminished curiosity about ours. We’d sit for hours hearing about her gardening club or the latest book she’d read, but she’d hardly inquire about our lives.

At first, we thought perhaps it was due to her hearing or memory problems. But soon it became clear that this was not the case. Her interest in us had simply waned over time.

Remember, this doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care about you anymore. It’s just an indication of their changing focus and growing self-centeredness as they age.

3) Less adaptability to change

As we age, our ability to adapt to change can diminish. While it’s true that everyone can struggle with change, those who become more self-centered with age might demonstrate this in a more pronounced way.

Consider this: research from the American Psychological Association indicates that older adults often exhibit a preference for familiar experiences, which can lead to a lesser willingness to embrace change. This is known as the “familiarity principle.”

In practical terms, this might manifest as a reluctance to try new activities, travel to new places, or even eat different foods. Instead, they might insist on sticking with what they know and like, prioritizing their comfort over the novelty of new experiences.

4) Increased desire for control

As people get older and become more self-centered, they often develop a stronger desire for control.

This could be control over their routines, their environment, or even the people around them. They might have an exact way they like things done and are not open to any alterations or suggestions.

For instance, they might insist on organizing family gatherings at their own home, so they can control every aspect of the event—from the menu to the guest list and even the timing.

At times, this desire for control can come across as rigid or inflexible. But they’re simply trying to maintain a sense of order and predictability in their lives, which gives them comfort.

5) Diminished capacity for empathy

One of the more challenging aspects of watching someone become more self-centered with age is witnessing a decline in their empathy.

Empathy—the ability to understand and share the feelings of others—is a key component of our social interactions. However, for those becoming more self-focused, their ability to empathize can decrease.

This is not to say they become uncaring or cold-hearted. Rather, their world starts revolving more around their personal experiences, making it harder for them to step into someone else’s shoes.

This can be particularly heartbreaking for those close to them, as they might feel unheard or neglected. But it’s important to remember that this is not a deliberate act of cruelty. It’s just another characteristic of people who become more self-centered as they get older.

6) Withdrawal from social activities

Another common behavior of people becoming more self-centered with age is a gradual withdrawal from social activities.

I remember how my father, a once vibrant and sociable man, started withdrawing from his usual social activities as he aged.

He stopped going to his weekly card games and declined invitations to friends’ birthday celebrations. His world started shrinking, and he seemed content with his own company.

This may look like disinterest or even antisocial behavior. But often, it’s just a sign that the person is becoming more inwardly focused. They may find comfort and peace in their own company and see less need for social interaction.

7) Prioritizing comfort over connection

Aging, for many, is about finding comfort and stability in the familiar. However, for those who become more self-centered as they grow older, comfort can often take precedence over connection.

This could mean choosing to stay home and read rather than going out with friends, or opting to watch a favorite TV show instead of attending a family function. What was once a balance between personal comfort and social connection can slowly shift towards the former.

While this might seem like they’re isolating themselves or pulling away from loved ones, it’s often just a sign that they’re prioritizing their own comfort. 

8) Increased reliance on routines

The most significant behavior to note in those becoming more self-centered with age is an increased reliance on routines.

Routines provide a sense of control and predictability. As such, those growing more self-focused may develop strict routines and show a strong resistance to deviate from them.

This could be as straightforward as having their coffee at a certain time each day, insisting on using the same brand of soap, or following a rigid bedtime schedule.

These set routines, while seemingly trivial, provide comfort and stability. They form the cornerstone of their daily lives, reflecting their inward focus and self-centered approach. It’s crucial to acknowledge and respect these routines as they’re often deeply important to the individual.

Final thought: It’s a natural evolution

In understanding the behaviors of people who become more self-centered as they age, it’s essential to remember the natural progression of life.

Our priorities and perspectives shift as we age, and for some, this shift may lead to a more self-focused approach to life. The American Psychological Association confirms that as we age, our personality traits may indeed change, with some becoming more inwardly oriented.

This doesn’t make them bad or uncaring. It’s simply a different way of experiencing the world.

As we notice these changes in our loved ones, it’s vital to respond with understanding and empathy. After all, we are all on our unique journey through life, and these behaviors are just part of the natural evolution of our personalities as we age.

So next time you notice these behaviors in someone around you, take a moment to reflect on the life journey that has brought them to this point. Embrace the changes with compassion, and remember, we’re all just doing our best as we navigate the winding road of life.