Have you ever noticed that some people seem to drift away as they age? According to psychologists, this distancing isn’t always deliberate.

It’s often tied to subtle behaviors, like avoiding emotional vulnerability, prioritizing independence, or struggling to keep up with relationships during life’s changes.

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and a mindfulness enthusiast. And I’ve spent a considerable amount of time diving into psychology and various studies to understand this phenomenon.

In this article, we’ll explore some of the common behaviors people who distance themselves as they age usually exhibit, according to experts in the field.

1) They value solitude more

Growing older can often result in people cherishing their alone time more. It’s not that they no longer appreciate the company of others, but rather, they begin to enjoy the peace and serenity that solitude can provide.

This is backed up by numerous studies in psychology, which suggest that as we age, our social circles naturally shrink.

But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

In fact, it’s often a conscious choice people make to focus on quality over quantity when it comes to relationships.

Those who tend to distance themselves as they grow older might choose to spend time alone to reflect and recharge, or simply enjoy their own company.

This doesn’t mean they’re becoming anti-social or isolated. They’re just choosing to spend their time differently.

As the renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”

This suggests that interactions with others can be deeply impactful, and as we age, we may become more selective about who we want to allow that level of influence over our lives.

2) They become selective with their energy

As we grow older, we often start to realize that our energy isn’t limitless. This is something I’ve experienced personally.

I’ve found that I no longer have the desire, or frankly, the energy to engage in every social event or maintain every relationship that comes my way.

Instead, I find myself choosing where and with whom to spend my time more carefully. This isn’t about being selfish, it’s about self-preservation. There’s only so much you can give of yourself before you start to feel drained.

In fact, according to a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, older adults often prioritize their emotional wellbeing over social activity. If an interaction is likely to cause stress or conflict, they are more likely to avoid it.

This is not about alienating ourselves or shutting out the world. It’s about recognizing our own needs and ensuring we’re not stretching ourselves too thin. 

3) They seek deeper connections

Growing older often brings with it a longing for more meaningful, deeper connections.

Those who become distant as they age aren’t necessarily cutting people out of their lives, they’re simply seeking more profound, enriching relationships.

In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I delve into the Buddhist concept of ‘right association’. This means surrounding ourselves with individuals who enrich our lives, nourish our souls, and help us grow.

And as we age, this becomes particularly important. We’re no longer interested in the superficial chatter that often accompanies casual friendships or acquaintances.

Instead, we seek conversations that challenge us, relationships that push us to grow, and friends who sincerely understand us.

4) They prioritize self-care

As we grow older, self-care takes on a whole new level of importance. Those who become distant as they age are often simply acknowledging the need to take care of themselves, both physically and emotionally.

Psychological research has long emphasized the importance of self-care in maintaining mental health and wellbeing. As we age, this becomes particularly important. Our physical health may decline, and life’s stresses can take a toll on our emotional wellbeing.

In response, many people start to prioritize self-care activities, such as maintaining a healthy diet, getting regular exercise, or even just taking time to relax and read a book.

These activities require time and energy, and sometimes that means having less time for socializing.

This doesn’t mean that they no longer value their relationships with others. Instead, it’s about finding a balance between maintaining social connections and taking care of their own needs.

5) They embrace technology

It might seem counterintuitive, but those who become distant as they age might actually be embracing technology more.

Now, don’t get me wrong, they’re not necessarily becoming tech addicts or social media influencers.

What’s happening is that as people get older, they may find that technology allows them to maintain connections without the physical and emotional drain of constant in-person interactions.

Video calls, social media, and messaging apps can all provide a way to stay connected with others on their own terms.

Older adults who use the internet and social media can experience lower levels of loneliness and increased levels of wellbeing. They might be physically distant, but they’re still connected in their own way.

As the renowned psychologist Erik Erikson once said, “Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all.”

In this digital age, maintaining that interdependence might just mean embracing technology a little more.

6) They focus on personal growth

Another common trait of those who become distant as they age is a heightened focus on personal growth.

This can manifest in many forms, such as taking up a new hobby, dedicating time to learning a new skill, or even going back to school.

This focus on personal development often requires time and energy, which can lead to a decrease in social interactions.

But this doesn’t mean they’re becoming less social. Instead, they’re using their time to invest in themselves and their own growth.

As we age, our perspectives change, and we often realize that growth and self-improvement are lifelong journeys.

This shift can lead to a decrease in social activities as individuals prioritize their own learning and development.

7) They appreciate the quiet moments

Sometimes, a quiet afternoon with a good book and a warm cup of tea can be more fulfilling than any social gathering.

As we age, we start to appreciate these quiet moments more and more.

This doesn’t mean we’re becoming reclusive or antisocial. Rather, it’s about enjoying the simple, peaceful moments that life has to offer. There’s a certain beauty in silence that becomes more apparent as we grow older.

As we age, this constructive use of solitude becomes more and more important, as we learn to appreciate and enjoy the quiet moments life has to offer.

8) They practice mindfulness

Mindfulness has become a popular practice in recent years, and for good reason. It helps us stay present, focused, and aware of our surroundings.

As we age, mindfulness can become an increasingly important part of our lives.

Those who become distant as they age might be spending more time practicing mindfulness. This could mean meditating, going for mindful walks, or even just sitting quietly and focusing on their breathing.

These activities require solitude and quiet, which might explain why they seem distant to others.

But in reality, they’re deepening their connection with themselves and the world around them.

It’s a natural progression

As we grow older, our social behaviors change. We may become more selective with our relationships, prefer peace over bustling social scenarios, or find fulfillment in solitary activities.

This is not a sign of becoming distant but rather evolving with time.

In my book “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I delve into the concept of impermanence, a key Buddhist principle that everything changes and nothing remains the same forever. This concept applies to our social behaviors and preferences as well.