You’ve been dating for some time now – weeks, months, maybe even years – and things have been going great.

…

Or have they?

Why is there a nagging feeling at the back of your mind telling you that something simply isn’t quite right? Why does your partner seem so withdrawn? And why does the gap between you keep widening while your significant other insists everything’s fine?

Most of all, why aren’t things the way they used to be back when you fell in love?

I asked myself the exact same questions in my last relationship, so trust me when I say you’re not alone. Unfortunately, my relationship eventually ended because my ex just wasn’t as invested in it as I had hoped.

Are you in the same boat? Let’s find out.

People who aren’t deeply invested in their relationships but won’t admit it usually display these 7 signs.

1) Spending quality time with you isn’t all that important to them

When I got together with my ex, we spent hours talking about fascinating and intellectually challenging topics. We’d go on dates, laugh a great deal, and foster a deep sense of friendship.

Over time, though, our friendship kept weakening until nothing but familiarity and comfort remained.

He said he simply wasn’t big on quality time. He said he’d rather cuddle while we do our own thing on separate laptops than go out on a date.

This was my cue to leave.

Here’s why quality time is so vital in a healthy long-term relationship: it’s what helps you cultivate your emotional and intellectual connection. It’s the one thing that goes beyond sexual chemistry and lays the foundation of a strong bond that could last for decades.

In other words, it’s how you nurture your friendship.

If your partner never takes the initiative to take you out and doesn’t seem all that interested in having deep conversations with you and trying out new experiences by your side, it’s a huge sign they are no longer as deeply invested as they once were.

They just don’t want to admit it – even to themselves.

2) They struggle to genuinely open up to you

If someone takes their relationship seriously, they will put in the effort to be vulnerable and open up – even if it’s uncomfortable.

Simple as.

This is because they value your connection and your sense of trust, and they would much rather go outside their comfort zone and put themselves at risk of getting hurt than keep you at arm’s length and see the relationship suffer.

The ex I mentioned? The one who wasn’t as invested as I was?

He struggled to open up big time. Shocker, I know.

Look, you might think that the person you’re in love with just needs a bit more time. You might think they are simply guarded and waiting to get comfortable with you. And that’s all good and well – up to a point.

If you’ve been together for years and still don’t know some very important things about their past, it probably means your partner doesn’t actually want you to know. 

Like, ever.

3) Their words and actions are in misalignment

“I’ll tell you when the time is right.” The time’s never right.

“One day, we’ll go on an amazing holiday. I promise.” Years go by, and nothing happens.

“I’ll try to be more attentive from now on, okay?” This intention lasts for about a week.

If these examples make you nod your head and think, “Yep, I’ve heard this before, too,” I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you may be in a relationship with someone who simply doesn’t deserve your love.

They’ve gotten too comfortable. They say words they don’t mean, they make empty promises just to placate you and end the conversation, and their actions are rarely in alignment with what they tell you.

A person like that doesn’t actually want to make you the happiest you could possibly be. Their intention isn’t to have a thriving and long-lasting relationship with you.

It’s to stay in their comfort zone. To hold onto what’s familiar to them – not because it’s what’s best but because it’s what’s easiest.

I want you to listen very carefully right now.

You are not an easy and convenient option. You are so much more.

4) They go with the flow but don’t take any initiative

 Here’s the thing.

People who aren’t too fussed about their relationship but don’t have the courage to leave won’t be necessarily mean to you. They won’t shut you out completely.

They may be sweet and supportive. They may give you compliments or show you affection through physical touch.

They just won’t put in any more effort than that.

In short, they’ll stick to the bare minimum. No fun date ideas, no interesting conversations at 1 AM, no proper attempts at deepening your connection.

If you suggest going on a date, they might say, “Sure, let’s go!” They just won’t initiate themselves.

If you ask them about their day, they might share everything that’s happened to them. They just won’t ask you back.

Look, I know how confusing and painful it is to be in a relationship of that nature. While your partner is willing to go with the flow, they don’t take charge.

You are the one who carries the whole relationship on your shoulders. And it’s exhausting.

But you know what? There are people out there who would love nothing more than to share the weight.

5) The relationship is at the bottom of their priority list

You’ve just gotten a promotion at work, and instead of taking you out to celebrate, your partner has gone to the pub with friends.

You’ve just finished writing your novel, and instead of reading it and providing feedback, your partner says they’re too busy to even look at it.

You’ve just…

I don’t need to keep going, do I? You get the gist. What’s more, you’ve probably had your fair share of disappointment tailored to your specific circumstances.

No matter what, your partner simply doesn’t seem to prioritize the relationship. It’s like you’re in the background of their lives, and they never invite you to take centerstage.

You may be telling yourself that relationships aren’t always the biggest priority and that you want your partner to thrive in other areas of their life, too. And that’s completely true.

Nonetheless, your relationship should be in the top three. And sometimes – especially if you really need your significant other to be there for you – you should take priority.

You don’t belong at the bottom. You belong at the top.

6) They are always too tired or too busy

“Hey, why don’t we go on a walk?”

“I’m so tired, honey. Maybe next time.”

“Do you want to go out tonight? We could do something fun.”

“I’m so busy this week, you know how it is. Sorry.”

Ugh.

While exhaustion and busyness are valid reasons to decline a date invitation, it all depends on the frequency.

We all have busy lives. We are all tired. That’s just part of being an adult.

The truth is that when someone’s too “busy” to spend time with you, they just have different priorities. And when they’re too tired, they’ve simply exhausted their energy on those priorities.

You’re clearly not one of them. And that is a very valid reason to have a serious conversation about where this relationship is heading.

7) They are with you out of convenience, not genuine desire

Let’s sum it all up, shall we?

Your partner rarely initiates dates or quality time. They go with the flow, sure, but you see almost no genuine effort from their side. They’re often too busy or too tired to hang out with you, they clearly have different priorities, and they don’t stick to their promises.

Now ask yourself: “If I stopped putting in effort, would this person pick up the slack? Or would they let the relationship fall apart?”

Remember that it takes two people to make a relationship work. You can’t carry it all yourself. And neither should you.

If you can relate to the signs in this article, it is possible that your partner is with you out of convenience – the relationship feels familiar and safe – rather than a genuine desire to foster a long-lasting connection with you.

Have a talk. Ask them to be honest. See what they say.

And remember that you deserve someone who will love you as much as you love them. If this person can’t give you what you need, someone else will.