We’re all unpleasant to deal with sometimes.

Yes, even you.

Even I want to punch myself in the face at times, especially when I’m hungry and roll my eyes at everyone around me.

But some people are unpleasant occasionally while others are a hard pill to swallow all the time.

And those who fall into the latter category usually display these 8 subtle behaviors (without even realizing it).

1) They drone on and on about themselves

Ugh. Could there be anything more annoying than self-centredness?

Imagine you’re having a conversation with someone, and in the two hours that you’re talking to them, they ask you one single question (which turns out to be a polite and non-committal “How are you”).

The rest of the conversation is hogged up by their monologues about their hobbies (which you have no interest in), their job (which you don’t understand), or their relationship troubles (which you didn’t ask to hear about).

Yep, that’s a positively unpleasant interaction right there.

We all want to feel heard and understood. We all want to feel like we matter and like the person we’re talking to is genuinely interested in hearing what we have to say.

If someone only ever talks about themselves, you might just as well not be there. Your presence is absolutely pointless – they could go talk to an AI or chat with the wall, and the end result would be similar.

A conversation should always be a dialogue. If it’s not, chances are that one party isn’t enjoying themselves.

2) They’re chronic complainers

Look, I’m no saint. I complain, too.

I grumble about the weather, I vent about my personal drama to my friends, and I sigh over minor inconveniences that I’ll forget about in ten minutes’ time.

But I also know where the line is and I try my best not to cross it.

The thing about chronic complainers is that they have crossed the line so many times and have gone so far beyond it that they aren’t even aware of its existence.

They bond with others over their shared misery. They complain about anything and everything, and if there’s nothing much to be upset about, they make up some drama just to have somewhere to target their anger.

They get excited about dramatic events that might drive them into a fit of fury or a passionate rant about how terrible everything is, but if you share some great news with them, they’ll give you a “meh” response.

In short, their life revolves around negativity.

Why?

Well, there’s this thing called the negativity bias.

Researchers explain: “When making judgments, people consistently weigh the negative aspects of an event or stimulus more heavily than the positive aspects.”

This is largely due to survival reasons. If you see a bear running at you, you need to pay it more attention than the fact that there’s a yummy apple hanging in a tree.

Unfortunately, the negativity bias means that we’ve got to try much harder to maintain an optimistic outlook on life. If you don’t actively try to see the good in everything and build up your resilience, you may turn into a huge pessimist – and a chronic complainer to top it all off.

3) They like to put people down to feel better about themselves

Moving on to one of the worst behaviors to ever be exhibited by humankind, putting other people down just to come out on top is not only cruel but also emotionally immature.

More often than not, this behavior stems from a poor sense of self-esteem and overwhelming feelings of envy, fear, and bitterness.

Of course, that is no excuse. It’s merely an explanation.

I probably don’t need to say that people who do this are extremely unpleasant to deal with.

Remember: true friends will always root for you, encourage you to become the highest version of yourself, and make you feel safe.

4) They seek validation rather than connection

One of the reasons people may choose to put others down is that they feel rubbish about themselves, and they believe that the worse off other people are, the more validated they’ll feel about where they are in life.

There are, of course, less cruel ways to seek validation – fishing for compliments, sucking up to authorities, or people-pleasing, just to name a few.

My main point is that people who are unpleasant to deal with generally don’t aim to connect with someone on a deep level.

Instead, they subconsciously want to have their feelings or experiences validated, which is why they monopolize the conversation, complain a lot, or make mocking and cruel remarks.

People who genuinely want to get to know you for who you are and who approach you with curiosity and open-mindedness, though…

It’s almost impossible for them to be unpleasant. Their interest in you is obvious, and if someone wants to connect with you and build a strong friendship with you, why would you dislike them?

Exactly. You wouldn’t.

It’s all about going outside of one’s own head and taking an interest in other people’s lives.

5) They always need to be right

Speaking of validation-seeking behavior, a common side effect of that is that people stubbornly cling to their opinions and beliefs even when they’re blatantly in the wrong.

Naturally, this makes them quite difficult – even infuriating – to deal with.

The main problem here is that when people make their opinions a fundamental part of their identity, you’re not only arguing against their views. You’re arguing against who they are and what they stand for.

This makes it very difficult to navigate conversations in a respectful and calm manner because the person in question will most likely assume a defensive stance, and before you know it, you’re shouting at each other, all rational thinking thrown out of the window.

Yeah. It’s not great, to say the least.

6) They never properly apologize

On a similar note, far too many people struggle to apologize properly.

An apology isn’t just about saying you’re sorry.

It’s about explaining your original intentions, talking about how your feelings and opinions have changed since then, taking accountability for your actions, apologizing for what you did, promising to behave differently in the future, and then following through on that promise.

Ideally, you should cram all of that into one apology and actually mean it.

If a person says they’re sorry but doesn’t go beyond that or if they apologize profusely and yet their future behavior doesn’t show any change, it means they haven’t nailed the art of apologizing.

…which also means they may be unpleasant to deal with as it hinders their relationships with other people and leads to resentment and frustration.

7) They suffer from excessive entitlement

Have you ever met someone who acted like they were far above everyone else? Someone who walked about as if the whole world belonged to them? Someone who got angry and caused a scene the moment things didn’t go their way?

Yeah. They probably suffered from excessive entitlement, aka, the belief that you deserve something even if you haven’t put any work into trying to achieve it.

I’m a firm believer that a little bit of entitlement won’t hurt. In fact, it can be a good thing – if you believe that you deserve to live a life beyond your wildest dreams, you’re much more likely to work hard for it and eventually reach it.

But too much entitlement equals a complete lack of humility, which is where things begin to go wrong.

You can’t expect every good thing in life to just fall in your lap while you lounge on the sofa doing nothing. If you do, you might come across as arrogant, delusional, and immature.

8) They are passive-aggressive about their wants and needs

Communication skills are incredibly important when it comes to interpersonal relationships, and yet there are plenty of people who don’t know how to communicate their boundaries or needs in a productive and respectful way.

They might make hints, sprinkle passive-aggressive jokes here and there, or mumble some snarky remarks to themselves, but the one thing they won’t do – the one thing that would actually prove most effective – is to clearly and assertively communicate what they want and need.

Passive aggression is extremely uncomfortable to deal with because it puts you in a position of confusion and uncertainty.

Since there is no direct attack, you’re not sure whether you’re in the right to actually defend yourself, but since the person’s communication style doesn’t seem completely respectful, either, you feel uneasy and like you’re walking on eggshells around them.

Thus the art of passive-aggressive behavior – it makes people unpleasant to be around.

The good news?

Communication and all the other skills on this list can be learned. It’s all about researching the right kind of advice, reading helpful books, self-reflection, and trying to be a more assertive, open-minded, and well-rounded person each and every day.

In other words, it’s about self-awareness and effort.