Let’s be real. Our society has mastered the art of pretending, making us believe that we should always project an image of happiness. 

Some people have become nothing short of experts in masking their true emotional state, not even admitting to themselves that they’re unhappy. 

But subtle behaviors often spill the beans. Today, we explore seven such behaviors. 

Let’s dive in. 

1) They mask pessimism with humor  

Have you ever been in a conversation where someone lets a pessimistic view slip out, only to hastily cover it up with a joke? 

This behavior is not just a random occurrence; it’s a key indicator that someone might be wrestling with deep-seated unhappiness. The National Mental Health Institute categorizes ‘feelings of hopelessness or pessimism’ as one of the signs of depression.

But in a world that often expects perpetual cheerfulness, admitting to pessimistic thoughts can feel like a social faux pas. As a result, individuals who are struggling might instinctively try to mask these glimpses of their true feelings. 

It’s not uncommon to hear someone express a negative thought, only to quickly follow it up with ‘I’m only joking’ or ‘Just kidding!’

They might comment on the futility of effort in a task, only to laugh it off moments later, or express cynicism about future outcomes before swiftly retracting it with a more optimistic or humorous view.

These brief moments where pessimism seeps through can be revealing. They are telling and something to watch out for in the people who are important to us. 

2) They no longer take part in hobbies or activities they once enjoyed

I had a friend in high school who was an avid sports enthusiast. Soccer, basketball, you name it, he was always the first to sign up and the last to leave the field.

But gradually, I noticed a shift; he stopped showing up for games and seemingly lost all interest. 

What I am about to say sounds obvious in the context of this post, but I didn’t realize it at the time.  This was more than just a phase of disinterest; it was a subtle red flag.

According to experts, drastic changes in behavior – like losing interest in activities once loved – are another indicator of unhappiness. 

My friend’s withdrawal from sports, something he once loved passionately, was not a simple choice. It was a telltale sign of a deeper struggle.

At the time, I viewed it as a mere change in interests, but now I understand it was a profound inability to derive pleasure from activities that once brought him joy and excitement.

Do you have a friend or loved one who is no longer doing things they once loved? It might be time to give them a bit more thought, especially if they show some of the other signs on this list. 

3) They frequently compare themselves to others

We are all guilty of comparing ourselves to others sometimes.

But do you know someone who constantly compares themselves to others, almost obsessively? 

It could be a colleague who always measures their success against their peers or a friend who always contrasts their lifestyle, achievements, or even appearance with others. This sort of behavior goes beyond healthy competition or occasional envy; it’s a sign of something deeper.

The act of frequent comparison is often rooted in feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction with one’s own life. It’s mentally exhausting and detrimental to one’s emotional health because, often, it creates a persistent sense of failure, as there will always be someone who seems to be ‘doing better’. 

In a world that often promotes the idea of being better, faster, and more successful, it’s easy for this behavior to be overlooked or even encouraged.

However, when someone is perpetually comparing themselves to others, it’s not just a harmless habit; it can be a cry for help, a sign that they are grappling with their own inner demons of unhappiness and discontent.”

4) They overindulge in alcohol or drugs 

I know this sounds glaringly obvious. 

However, overindulgence in alcohol or drugs is often a well-masked behavior. On the surface, it might appear as though someone is just embracing the ‘live for the moment’ philosophy or simply enjoying themselves.

But this pattern of behavior is often a clear sign that all is not well beneath the facade.

According to the ADAA, in the US, approximately 20% of individuals with anxiety or mood disorders, such as depression, also have issues with alcohol or substance use disorders. This is far from coincidental. 

For many, turning to alcohol or drugs is an attempt to self-medicate, numb the pain, or escape from the distressing symptoms of their mental health conditions. It’s a coping mechanism, but a destructive one, that often exacerbates the underlying issues.

Recognizing this behavior as a potential cry for help rather than just a lifestyle choice is crucial in understanding and supporting someone who might be struggling with unseen battles of unhappiness or depression.

5) They use their devices as an escape

In our digitally-driven world, it’s not uncommon to see people engrossed in their phones or laptops. But when someone seems to retreat into their digital devices as a form of escape, that’s different.  

They might be the friend who is perpetually scrolling through social media, the colleague who is constantly gaming during breaks, or the family member who spends hours binge-watching shows.

While this might seem like normal behavior in our tech-centric society, it can sometimes be a sign of something more concerning.

Using devices as an escape can be an indication that someone is struggling with unhappiness or emotional distress. It’s a way to detach from reality to avoid dealing with underlying issues or uncomfortable feelings.

This behavior is particularly concerning because it can create a cycle of avoidance. The more a person relies on their devices to escape, the less they engage with the real world, potentially increasing feelings of isolation and disconnection. 

6) They seem to be gaining weight quickly 

While it’s easy to attribute a few extra pounds to lifestyle changes or age, there’s sometimes more to the story. 

A deep-seated emotional struggle can be a contributing factor. Research indicates that about half of the people who binge eat are battling a mood disorder such as depression.

This relationship between rapid weight gain and emotional well-being is complex. While depression can lead to overeating as a form of emotional comfort or escapism, the act of overeating itself can also trigger depressive symptoms. 

It’s a vicious cycle where emotional distress leads to overeating, which in turn can exacerbate feelings of guilt, shame, and further deepen unhappiness. Watch out for it. 

7) They often seem tired

Do you have a friend or loved one who always seems unusually fatigued, no matter the time of day or the amount of sleep they’ve had? 

It’s a telling sign of unhappiness that’s often overlooked. In fact, the Mayo Clinic has pointed out that people who are grappling with unhappiness or depression frequently encounter sleep disturbances.

Some research suggests a staggering connection: more than 90% of individuals suffering from depression experience fatigue. 

This isn’t just a matter of being physically tired; it’s an overwhelming sense of exhaustion that permeates every aspect of life, making even the simplest tasks seem Herculean. 

When someone’s energy is consistently low, it could very well be a silent scream from their inner self, signaling deep-seated unhappiness or an underlying depressive state. If you notice it, take note. 

The bottom line 

That’s it for today, folks.

Our society tends to put an emphasis on always putting on a brave face. But by being aware of the above signs, you might just be able to support someone who is secretly struggling. 

As always, I hope you found this post valuable. 

Until next time.