It’s not easy being socially awkward.

We live in a world where being extroverted and charming is one of the best things you can be, so if you are shy, quiet, or otherwise awkward in any way, it can be hard to connect with people on a satisfying level.

That doesn’t mean you’re doomed.

The thing is, a huge proportion of what others think of us is not based on the things we say, but the way we act. And our body language tells other people a story about us before we ever open our mouths.

People who struggle with social awkwardness know this, and they can use some body language techniques to make themselves more instantly likable and charming.

Master these tricks to make yourself charming, even if you sometimes struggle in social situations.

1) Master a genuine smile

One of the most obvious body language techniques is also one of the most potent. After all, there’s really no substitute for a warm, welcoming smile. If you want to charm other people, a smile is one of the best weapons in your arsenal.

But it’s not as simple as just plastering on a fake grin. The problem is, people can spot a fake smile from a mile away. And far from making you more likable, this can actually make you seem fake and inauthentic.

So how do you summon a genuine smile whenever you want? Well, the answer is all in the eyes.

Researchers call a smile that reaches your eyes a Duchenne smile, after a 19th century scientist who first studied the phenomenon. Fake smiles usually only involve the muscles around the mouth, while more genuine smiles make us crinkle up the skin around our eyes, too.

So if you want your smile to seem genuine, smile with your eyes.

It might sound simple, but it’s powerful. Check out this study which showed that people respond more favorably to Duchenne smiles than to those that only involve the mouth.

2) Work on your eye contact

Eye contact is another powerful feature of body language. In fact, there is a theory that humans have the eyes we do, with a much more prominent white part than most other animals, so that we can easily see what each other are looking at.

Lots of socially awkward people struggle with eye contact. After all, it can feel too intimate or even intimidating. But if you fail to make eye contact with others, you can come across as untrustworthy or disinterested in what they have to say.

What makes it even trickier is that there is such a thing as too much eye contact. Rigidly hold someone’s gaze during a conversation, and you can come across as too intense or even creepy.

“If you are talking to someone one-on-one (or looking at people within a group), choose a spot directly between or slightly above the listener’s eyes,” recommends psychologist Arlin Cuncic. “You can and should also look away occasionally. Staring too intensely can make people uncomfortable.”

She also recommends some strategies to make eye contact more comfortable, such as:

• Maintaining eye contact 50% of the time while speaking, and 70% of the time while listening;
• Holding eye contact for four of five seconds at the time before glancing away. If you don’t want to be counting the seconds, give yourself enough time to notice the color of their eyes, then look somewhere else;
• When you look away, shift your focus from their eyes to another part of their face;
• Make a gesture such as a nod when you look away to make it appear more natural.

3) Mirror the other person

This is an aspect of body languagewhich many people are unaware of, but it can have a big effect on how you are perceived.

Mirroring basically means copying what the other person does. So if they sit back in their chair, so do you. If they cross their legs, so do you. This makes the other person feel as if the two of you are in agreement, and it’s a subtle thing that operates on a subconscious level.

Now, you don’t want to overdo it. Don’t copy every gesture they make, or they will see what you’re doing and probably won’t like it.

But mirroring some of their gestures can help you build a rapport without saying a word.

Keep your body language open

 This is one I learned operating booths at trade shows, where you want people to approach you.

Standing with your arms crossed over your chest creates a barrier between you and the people around you, and makes you seem unapproachable and unfriendly. Instead, stand with your hands at your sides or even behind you. This makes you look more open.

In the same way, try to position your body so you are facing the person you are talking to. This also helps to make you seem more open and approachable. 

4) Lean in slightly

A lot of body language is subtle and operates at a subconscious level. This is a good example of that.

When someone is talking, try to lean in toward them slightly. Note the use of the word ‘slightly’. You don’t want to invade someone’s personal space, as this can make you seem intrusive or threatening.

But just a slight incline toward them shows the person that you are listening and that you are interested in what they have to say. You’d be surprised what a big effect this can have on someone, without them even realizing it.

5) Remove barriers

This is another subtle gesture that operates on a subconscious level.

When you are talking to someone who you want to like you, remove any physical barriers that are between you. It could be something as simple as a coffee cup on a table or a laptop open front of you.

This helps to show the person that they have your full attention, and that makes them feel appreciated. Ultimately, people like people who make them feel good.

6) Listen actively

Active listening is a useful skill to master for lots of different occasions, and it’s definitely a good way to make yourself more charming.

“Listen without making judgments or taking a position on an issue. Gain an understanding of the situation from the other’s point of view,” recommends psychologist Dianne Grande.

“Allow the speaker to finish thoughts without interruption.”

Other active listening techniques include:

• Repeating what the other person has said to make sure you understood them;
• Asking questions to clarify anything you don’t understand;
• Giving a short summary of what they have said to demonstrate you’ve listened;
• Sharing your own thoughts and experiences, but only once the other person has said everything they have to say.

7) Be comfortable

If you’ve read this far, you may be thinking that being charming sounds like hard work and a lot to think about.

It is true that there’s a lot that goes into charming other people using your body language.

At the same time, you don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard. When you appear uncomfortable, it makes the people around you feel uncomfortable, too.

And like poet Maya Angelou said, people may forget what you say or what you did, but they will never forget how you make them feel.

Whether you’re standing or sitting, try to appear comfortable in your own skin. That, all by itself, will go a long way to making others feel comfortable around you.

8) Don’t overthink

Finally, while this list can seem like a lot to think about, it’s also important to remember not to overthink.

Yes, you need to think about how your body language makes you appear to others, and how you can make them feel more comfortable around you.

You don’t want to spend your entire time talking to other people secretly thinking about how you look.

The more you focus on yourself, the more awkward you probably appear. So sometimes, the best way to be charming is just to be more interested in other people than you are in yourself.

Focus on what they are saying, and you’ll avoid the tendency to overthink your facial expressions, body language, and everything else you’re doing.

Mastering body language

We all speak body language to one extent or another, even if we don’t realize it. We are all communicating with each other throughout the day through our facial expressions, gestures, the way we stand, and everything else.

If you’re going to communicate in this way, you may as well master it. So use these tricks to make yourself more likable to others.