There’s a significant difference between genuine kindness and being nice only when it suits one’s needs.

This distinction boils down to consistency. People who are only nice to you when they need something often mask their true motives, hiding behind a veil of temporary politeness.

Contrarily, genuinely kind individuals maintain their demeanor regardless of the situation or their personal desires.

Unfortunately, distinguishing between these two types can be challenging. It’s essential to be aware of certain behaviors that might indicate someone is only being nice when they need something from you.

Here are some behaviors to look out for in your interactions to help you identify these individuals.

1) Inconsistency in behavior

It’s crucial to observe the consistency in people’s behavior over time.

People who are only nice when they need something tend to have a significant fluctuation in their demeanor.

They can be extremely friendly one day and entirely aloof the next.

This inconsistency is a telltale sign. Genuine kindness does not waver based on circumstances or personal needs.

Think about it. Authentic individuals maintain their demeanor, regardless of what they need or want from you. Their kindness is a part of who they are, not a tool they use to get what they want.

So, when you notice drastic changes in someone’s behavior towards you, depending on their needs, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship with them.

But remember, everyone has off days. So don’t rush to conclusions based on isolated incidents. Look for consistent patterns over time to get a clearer picture.

2) They’re overly sweet when asking for favors

In my personal experience, I’ve noticed a particular pattern with individuals who fall into this category.

I had this workmate once, let’s call him Mark. Mark was usually quiet and kept to himself most days. However, he had this habit of becoming excessively friendly whenever he needed help with a task.

One day, he’d be all laughs and jokes, going out of his way to engage in conversation or offer me a cup of coffee. I soon realized that these were the days when he needed something from me, like help on a project or covering his shift.

But on regular days, when he didn’t need anything, our interactions were minimal.

Over time, I saw the pattern and understood that his kindness was merely a tool he used to get things done.

So, if you notice someone becoming unusually sweet and friendly out of the blue, especially when they’re about to ask for a favor, be aware. It could be a sign they’re only nice when they need something from you.

3) They rarely initiate interaction

Interestingly, individuals who are only nice when they need something often wait for you to initiate interaction. They’re not usually the ones to start a conversation or reach out unless there’s something in it for them.

Research supports this observation too. A study found that individuals with manipulative tendencies are less likely to engage in social interactions unless they believe there’s something beneficial for them.

So, if you’re often the one initiating contact or conversation, while they only seem interested when there’s a favor on the horizon, it might be an indicator of their true intentions.

4) They’re seldom genuinely interested in your life

Another behavior to watch out for is lack of genuine interest in your life. People who are only nice when they need something often show little curiosity about your personal experiences or feelings unless it serves their purpose.

For instance, they might ask about your weekend only as a lead-in to ask for a favor. Or they may inquire about your family just to appear more friendly and approachable when they’re about to request something.

True kindness involves empathy and a genuine interest in others’ well-being. If their interest seems conditional or tied to their needs, it could be a sign that their niceness isn’t all that genuine.

5) They often ‘forget’ their wallet

A classic behavior of people who are only nice when they need something is conveniently forgetting their wallet or coming up short when it’s time to pay.

These individuals might offer to go out for coffee or lunch and then, when the bill comes, they suddenly realize they left their wallet at home or they just don’t have enough cash on them.

This leaves you to pick up the tab, often more than once.

It’s okay to help a friend in need, but if the same person regularly ‘forgets’ their wallet or always seems to be short on cash, they may be taking advantage of your kindness.

This could be a sign that their niceness only surfaces when they’re looking to benefit from the situation.

6) They’re absent during your tough times

Life is a rollercoaster with its share of ups and downs. True friends and genuinely kind people stick by your side through it all, sharing in your joys and lending a shoulder during your sorrows.

However, people who are only nice when they need something tend to be noticeably absent during your tough times.

They’re there when they need support, but when you’re going through a rough patch and could use a friend, they’re often nowhere to be found.

It’s heartbreaking to realize that someone’s kindness was merely a facade. But remember, genuine friendships aren’t one-sided.

If someone only shows up in your life when they need something, their intentions might not be as pure as they seem.

7) They rarely reciprocate your kindness

In any relationship, there’s a certain amount of give and take. But with people who are only nice when they need something, the balance often tips in their favor.

I had a friend, for instance, who would always turn to me for support during difficult times. I’d lend a listening ear, offer advice, and even help out with practical things like childcare or meals.

But when I went through a challenging period and needed support, this friend was conspicuously absent.

This lack of reciprocation wasn’t just about tangible help. Even emotional support was one-sided. I felt like I was pouring into a friendship that gave nothing back.

If you find that you’re always the one giving in a relationship, whether it’s time, energy, or resources, and there’s little to no reciprocation, it could be a sign that the person is only being nice when they need something from you.

8) They’re quick to take credit

Another common behavior of people who are only nice when they need something is their tendency to take credit, especially in a group or work setting.

They may be all smiles and cooperation when they need your help with a project, but once it’s complete, they’re quick to claim the credit for its success.

Stepping into the limelight and taking credit that isn’t solely theirs is often a sign that their niceness was merely a means to an end.

They were friendly and cooperative not out of genuine kindness, but because they needed your input to achieve their objectives.

If someone consistently takes more credit than they’re due, it could be an indication that their kindness isn’t as genuine as it seems.

9) They disappear once they get what they want

Perhaps the most telling sign of all is when someone disappears or becomes distant once they’ve gotten what they wanted.

After the favor is done, the project completed, or the problem solved, their niceness evaporates, and they’re suddenly too busy or unavailable.

This behavior is a clear indication that their niceness was merely a tactic to achieve their goals. Once those goals are met, they no longer need to maintain the pretense of being nice.

Remember, genuine kindness doesn’t come with strings attached. If someone’s niceness fades away as soon as they get what they wanted from you, it’s safe to say that their motives may have been self-serving to begin with.

Final thoughts: The power of discernment

In wrapping up, the behaviors we’ve discussed here are not definitive proof of someone’s intentions but are signals that may indicate a pattern.

It’s essential to approach each situation with an open heart and an open mind, making judgments based on consistent behaviors rather than isolated events.

Remember, it’s okay to set boundaries and protect your emotional space. Genuine kindness does not come with strings attached, and it’s perfectly fine to distance yourself from those who only show niceness as a means to an end.