There’s a major distinction between genuine kindness and convenience-driven kindness.

Kindness rooted in convenience isn’t genuine—it pops up when it’s beneficial for the individual displaying it—and this is what I call ‘convenience-driven kindness.’

People who are only kind when it suits them tend to exhibit patterns of behavior that reveal their true intentions.

In this piece, we’ll delve into these seven traits to help you recognize convenience-driven kindness and differentiate it from the real deal:

1) They’re fair-weather friends

Everyone loves a good friend, someone who is there for us in both good times and bad.

Now, consider the opposite: Those who are only around when things are going well—these are the fair-weather friends.

Their kindness is like sunshine, warm and comforting when conditions are perfect but, when storm clouds roll in and you need a helping hand, they’re suddenly nowhere to be found.

This is one of the most obvious traits of convenience-driven kindness as it’s present when it suits them, but disappears when it doesn’t.

2) They show kindness with strings attached

This one hits close to home for me: I recall a former colleague of mine who always seemed to be the nicest guy around.

He was always ready to lend a hand or offer support when you needed it.

However, over time, I noticed a pattern—each act of kindness he performed was followed by a favor request.

It was as if his kindness came with an unspoken agreement, kind of like an “I help you now, you owe me later” kind of situation.

Genuine kindness doesn’t come with an IOU attached as it’s given freely, without expecting anything in return.

3) Their kindness fluctuates with their mood

Interestingly, mood plays a significant role in human behavior, including the expression of kindness.

The individuals who exhibit convenience-driven kindness often display fluctuating moods; when they’re in a good mood, they’re the epitome of kindness—but when they’re having a bad day, their kindness evaporates.

This is because their kindness isn’t rooted in genuine empathy or compassion but rather in their current emotional state.

In contrast, genuinely kind people tend to be consistent in their behavior, regardless of their mood or personal circumstances.

The correlation between mood and kindness is something to keep an eye on when discerning the authenticity of someone’s actions.

4) They’re kind only when there’s an audience

Ever noticed how some people become significantly kinder when there are others around to witness their actions?

The spotlight effect amplifies their acts of kindness, not because they genuinely want to help, but because they’re aware that others are watching.

These individuals thrive on the admiration and approval of others–so, their kindness is a performance or an act designed to paint them in a favorable light.

For everyone’s information, genuine kindness doesn’t need an audience because it should be consistent—whether there’s someone there to applaud it or not.

5) They lack empathy

I remember a time when I was going through a particularly rough patch: I was dealing with personal loss and opening up about it was incredibly difficult for me.

There was this one person, someone I considered a friend, who would listen to me, but their responses were always hollow, lacking any genuine empathy or understanding.

They would say the right things, the kind of things you’d expect someone to say when you’re in pain—but it felt cold, rehearsed, and insincere.

People, whose kindness are convenience-driven, often lack the capacity for genuine empathy as they might mimic the expressions of concern or sympathy, but it often lacks depth and sincerity.

6) Their kindness is often linked to their wants

These people are often kind when they want something from you, whether it’s a favor, information, or something more significant.

Their kindness, in these instances, becomes a tool they use to achieve their objectives.

It’s almost like a transaction, where their kindness is the currency they use to ‘buy’ what they want from you.

Once they get what they desire, the kindness often diminishes until the next time they need something.

7) They rarely initiate acts of kindness

One of the most telling signs of convenience-driven kindness is the lack of initiative; these individuals rarely initiate acts of kindness unless there’s something in it for them.

Genuine kindness is proactive.

It doesn’t wait for an opportunity or a prompt—it steps forward, takes the initiative, and acts because it’s the right thing to do.

Final thoughts: The power of discernment

Understanding human behavior is both fascinating and complex, especially when it comes to distinguishing genuine kindness from convenience-driven gestures.

Cultivating this discernment is key to building authentic, healthy relationships—after all, true kindness is consistent, selfless, and free of conditions or expectations.

Ultimately, it’s not the act itself but the intent behind it that defines real kindness.

As American author Maya Angelou once said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

This holds especially true when it comes to expressions of kindness.

Let’s strive to be kind—genuinely kind—not just when it’s convenient or beneficial, but simply because it’s the right thing to do!