People who are only friendly to you when it’s convenient usually have these 12 specific traits

Mia Zhang by Mia Zhang | April 15, 2024, 6:58 pm

Who hasn’t had that friend who’s nice as pie one minute, then vanishes when you’re in a bind?

This is about those folks who are all about the good times, but go missing when things get tough.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

We’re going to dive into the traits of these ‘only when it’s convenient’ friends.

So, pull up your comfy chair, get settled and let’s get into it.

You might just recognize someone you know!

1) They’re masters of the last-minute cancellation

We’ve all been there – you’re excited about a plan with that friend, be it a movie night or a coffee date.

You’re ready and waiting, only to get a last-minute text – “Hey, something came up. Can we reschedule?”

 If this happens once or twice, it’s understandable. Life happens, after all.

But if you notice a pattern where they often cancel plans at the last minute, especially when they know you’re going through a tough time, this could be a sign that they’re only friendly when it’s convenient for them. 

They might just be avoiding situations where they might have to offer support or empathy. Keep an eye out for this trait and remember – your time is valuable too!

2) They’re always on the receiving end

Is your friend always on the receiving end of favors, but rarely available when you need one? If you find yourself always lending a hand, but struggle to recall the last time they did the same for you, this could be a red flag.

It’s not about keeping score, but a friendship should generally be a two-way street.

If it feels like they’re only friendly when they need something from you, it might be time to reconsider the dynamics of this relationship. 

Remember, true friends are there for each other, in good times and in bad.

3) They’re nowhere to be seen in hard times

I remember a time when I was going through a rough patch. My job was stressful, and I was dealing with some personal issues. This was a time when I needed my friends the most.

There was one friend who’d always been fun to hang out with during the good times. But as soon as things got tough, they were suddenly too busy to even have a quick chat. 

I would reach out and be met with brief responses or no reply at all. It was disappointing and hurtful.

This experience taught me a valuable lesson about these kinds of friends. They’re often there for the fun times and the good vibes, but when things get a little dark, they’re nowhere to be found. 

It’s important to see who sticks around during your hard times – those are your real friends.

4) They’re not interested in your life

You might find this surprising, but people who are only friendly when it’s convenient often show little genuine interest in your life.

They might ask you how you’re doing, but their eyes glaze over as soon as you start discussing your feelings or personal matters.

This lack of genuine concern for others is a key factor in their ability to maintain superficial relationships that serve their needs while avoiding deeper emotional connections.

In other words, if your friend rarely shows interest in your life beyond surface-level chatter, it could be a sign that they’re only there for the convenient moments.

Don’t hesitate to evaluate if this friendship is serving you well.

5) They don’t celebrate your successes

Imagine this: you’ve just received incredible news. You landed that dream job, or you finally finished that project you’ve been working on for months. You’re over the moon and can’t wait to share your happiness with your friends.

But when you tell this friend – the one who’s only around when it suits them – their reaction is lukewarm at best. They might offer a half-hearted ‘congratulations’, or worse, they might downplay your achievement or change the topic entirely.

A friend who truly cares about you will be thrilled to see you succeed. They’ll celebrate with you, sharing in your joy and triumph. 

But if this ‘friend’ can’t muster up genuine enthusiasm for your successes, it’s a pretty clear sign that their friendship isn’t as sincere as it should be.

Every moment of joy in your life deserves to be celebrated, and true friends will always be there to share it with you.

6) They only reach out when they need something

I can vividly recall a friend who would only reach out to me when they needed a favor.

They would start the conversation with a friendly “Hey, how have you been?” but it wouldn’t take long for them to reveal the real reason for their message: they needed help with something.

This happened so often that I began to expect the request every time I saw their name pop up on my phone. It was disheartening, to say the least. I felt used rather than valued as a friend.

It’s perfectly fine to help your friends out. 

But if someone only reaches out to you when they need something and not just to catch up or see how you’re doing, then this is a clear sign that they’re only friendly when it suits them. 

True friendship isn’t about using each other – it’s about supporting each other.

7) They never share anything personal

Let’s get real for a moment. We all have those friends who are always up for a good time, always there for the laughs and the fun.

But when it comes to getting personal, to sharing what’s really going on in their lives, they suddenly clam up.

They’re happy to take part in the surface-level stuff, but they never let you in on their deeper feelings or experiences. They might even divert the conversation when it starts to get too real.

It’s tough. It feels like you’re dealing with a cardboard cut-out of a friend, not a real person. And you start asking yourself: “Does this person trust me? Do they even consider me a real friend?”

Real friendships are built on trust and openness, not just good times and laughter.

8) They don’t stand up for you

Standing up for a friend is one of the key indicators of strong social bonds. It’s an act that shows loyalty and commitment.

But when it comes to those friends who are only around when it’s convenient, you’ll often find that they’re reluctant to stand up for you, especially if it puts them in a difficult position or makes them unpopular. 

If someone is gossiping about you or if you’re being treated unfairly, they’re likely to stay silent or even agree with the detractors.

This trait speaks volumes about their commitment to your friendship. A true friend will stand up for you, even when it’s uncomfortable or risky. 

They value your relationship more than their convenience or popularity. So, if your friend doesn’t have your back when you need it, it might be a sign of a fair-weather friendship.

9) They don’t make time for you

I remember calling a friend to catch up. I hadn’t seen her in a while and wanted to reconnect. 

But every time I suggested a meet-up, she seemed busy. There was always an excuse: too much work, a family event, or plain exhaustion from a long week.

In any relationship, making time for each other is crucial. It’s about showing that you value the other person and the bond you share. 

So when someone constantly avoids spending time with you or is only available on their terms, it could be a sign that their friendship might not be as genuine as it seems.

10) They aren’t there for your low moments

Let’s cut to the chase. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. We all have our low moments, times when we’re down in the dumps and need a friend’s shoulder to lean on. 

But those ‘convenience’ friends? They’re suddenly MIA when you’re going through a hard time.

They might not pick up your calls, reply to your texts, or they might even avoid having deep talks with you. It’s like they’re allergic to anything that isn’t upbeat and cheerful. 

This is one of the rawest signs that they’re only in it for the good times, not for the real journey of friendship.

11) They never go out of their way for you

Ever had a friend who would never lift a finger for you unless it served them in some way? I’m talking about those people who wouldn’t go an inch out of their way to help you out or make you feel special.

You might find yourself always meeting at a location that’s convenient for them, or they might never take that extra step to show they care about you.

It’s tough to swallow, but it’s a harsh sign that they’re only friendly when it fits neatly into their plans.

Remember, true friends will go out of their way for you because they value your relationship. They’ll make those little sacrifices because they genuinely care about you.

12) They never check on you

Here’s a hard truth. They don’t call or text to see how you’re doing unless they want something or there’s some fun plan on the horizon.

If days, weeks, or even months pass without them checking on you – not because they’re busy, but because they just don’t bother – it’s a stark sign that their friendship might be more about convenience than genuine care.

Friendship is about mutual care, respect, and love. If someone is only friendly when it suits them, maybe they’re not the friend you deserve. 

Remember, you are worthy of genuine, sincere friendships. Don’t settle for less.