I’ve always found a certain kind of beauty in authenticity. In a world where the superficial often reigns supreme, it’s those who stay true to themselves, who value substance over style, that truly stand out.

But let’s face it.

We all know those people who seem more interested in appearances than in the depth of their character. They’re easy to spot once you know what to look for.

What if I told you there are specific behaviors these individuals usually display?

In fact, I’ve observed eight key behaviors that people who prioritize appearances over substance tend to exhibit.

In this article, we’ll delve into these behaviors, shedding light on how the pursuit of image can often overshadow authentic living. 

1) They obsess over external validation

Ever met someone who seems to live by the number of likes they get on their latest social media post? Who needs constant praise and admiration to feel valued? 

Their self-worth is often tied to external validation, rather than stemming from an internal recognition of their own worth. They seek approval and admiration like a moth to a flame, often neglecting their authentic selves in the process.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s human nature to desire validation and acceptance. But when this becomes an obsession, it can lead to an unhealthy focus on appearances.

2) They tend to be overly competitive

I recall a time when I was invited to a friend’s house for a get-together. Among the guests was a person who seemed to turn every conversation into a competition. 

This person was so consumed with proving they were the ‘best’ that they missed out on the genuine connections and enriching conversations that were happening around them. They were focused on winning an imaginary competition, instead of authentically engaging with others.

In contrast, I’ve found that when we let go of the need to compete and instead focus on collaboration and mutual understanding, we open ourselves up to a much richer and more fulfilling interaction. 

3) They struggle with genuine vulnerability

It’s a funny thing, vulnerability. We often see it as a weakness, something to hide or protect. But in truth, it’s one of the most powerful ways to connect with others on a deep, meaningful level.

Yet, those who prioritize appearances over substance often shy away from genuine vulnerability. They put up walls, creating an image of perfection and invulnerability that rarely reflects their true selves.

Why? Because showing our real selves – our fears, our dreams, our struggles – means exposing ourselves to potential criticism or rejection. It’s far easier to maintain a facade, a carefully crafted image that meets societal expectations.

But here’s the truth: Perfection isn’t relatable because it simply doesn’t exist. We all have our flaws and insecurities.

Embracing them and letting others see them not only liberates us from the exhausting act of ‘keeping up appearances’, but also allows for deeper, more authentic connections with those around us.

4) They often avoid self-reflection

They may be afraid to confront their own shortcomings or fears, choosing instead to put all their energy into maintaining an image of perfection.

The irony is that self-reflection is a powerful tool for personal growth. It allows us to understand ourselves better, to recognize our strengths and weaknesses, and to make meaningful changes in our lives.

In fact, I’ve found that one particular exercise has been incredibly beneficial for me in cultivating a deeper sense of self-awareness and self-love.

5) They often chase after trends rather than values

In our image-driven society, it’s easy to get caught up in the latest trends. The hottest fashion, the newest gadgets, the most ‘Instagrammable’ vacation spots – these all seem to promise a sort of social currency, a way to gain approval and fit in.

But here’s the thing: Trends fade. They’re transient and ever-changing. When we chase after them, we’re essentially running on a hamster wheel, always trying to keep up but never truly getting anywhere.

In contrast, when we align our actions with our deepest values – things like integrity, compassion, creativity – we build a life that is not only fulfilling but also resilient.

6) They struggle to maintain deep relationships

Did you know that according to a study published in the American Sociological Review, the average American has only two close friends?

This mirrors a trend we often see in those who value appearances over substance – they may have a wide social circle, but struggle to maintain deep, meaningful relationships.

Maintaining a facade of perfection can be exhausting and it leaves little room for genuine connection. It’s hard to build a deep relationship when you’re constantly concerned about maintaining a certain image.

On the other hand, when we let our guard down, show our true selves, and allow others to do the same, we create space for genuine connection. These are the relationships that nourish us, that help us grow, and that provide a safe harbor when life gets tough.

7) They often have a defensive attitude

This might manifest as an inability to accept constructive criticism or an intense reaction to perceived personal attacks.

Why does this happen? Well, when you’re heavily invested in maintaining a certain image, any suggestion that you’re not living up to that image can feel like a direct threat.

Imagine spending a lot of energy building a beautiful sandcastle, only for someone to point out that it won’t withstand the incoming tide. It’s easier to dismiss their comments or get defensive than to acknowledge the reality of the situation.

8) They struggle with authenticity

They’re so caught up in projecting an ideal image that they lose touch with their true selves.

Authenticity involves showing up as our real selves, not as who we think we should be or who we think others want us to be. It means being honest, transparent, and true to our values and beliefs.

When we embrace authenticity, we not only live more fulfilling lives, but we also attract people who appreciate us for who we truly are – not for the image we’re trying to project.

Embrace substance over appearances

Recognizing these signs in ourselves or others is not about casting blame or judgment. It’s about acknowledging where we are on our journey towards authenticity and substance. Remember, it’s a journey. We’re all works in progress, constantly learning, growing, and evolving.

Start by reflecting on your values, your true passions, and what makes you feel alive and fulfilled. Then, make a commitment to aligning your actions with these core aspects of yourself.