People who are incapable of forming close friendships usually display these 7 traits, according to psychology

Isabella Chase by Isabella Chase | December 2, 2024, 7:59 pm

Ever thought about the magic behind deep, lasting friendships? It’s a beautiful thing, right? The shared laughter, the comfort in difficult times, the ability to be utterly and openly yourself.

These connections are precious, and they’re essential to our overall well-being (yes, science backs this up).

But what about those who find it tricky to establish these close-knit bonds?

Let’s flip the coin for a second.

Psychology points out that certain characteristics may make it challenging for some individuals to cultivate close friendships. If you’ve ever wondered, “Why is it so hard for me to make deep connections?” you’ll want to stick around.

1) Difficulty in expressing emotions

Ever heard of emotional intelligence? Of course you have, it’s the ability to understand, use, and manage our own emotions in positive ways. Sounds simple, right? But for some, it’s a bit more complicated.

People who struggle with forming close friendships often have difficulty expressing their emotions. This isn’t about being overly emotional or not emotional at all – it’s about expressing feelings in a healthy and balanced way.

When emotions are bottled up or not communicated effectively, it can create confusion or misunderstanding in relationships. And let’s face it – friendships are built on mutual understanding and emotional connectivity.

So, if expressing emotions feels like climbing Mount Everest without a map, it might be worth exploring why that is. After all, as the saying goes, the first step to solving a problem is recognizing there is one.

2) Over-reliance on self

I’ll let you in on a little secret about myself. I’ve always been a bit of an independent spirit.

Now, independence is fantastic, don’t get me wrong, but it can sometimes tip into an over-reliance on self that’s not exactly conducive to forming deep friendships.

You see, in my younger years, I’d often find myself tackling every challenge alone. The mentality? “I can handle this by myself.” I was convinced I didn’t need anyone else’s help.

But here’s the thing: friendships bloom through mutual support. It’s about lifting each other up, sharing burdens, and facing challenges together.

When we constantly put up an “I can do it all” facade, it can inadvertently push people away. It can make them feel there’s no room or need for their support in our lives.

I had to learn this the hard way, and trust me when I say, opening up to the help and support of friends doesn’t make you any less independent.

It simply means you value the strength of unity and understand the importance of give-and-take in a friendship.

Whether it’s asking for advice on a simple matter or seeking support during tough times, allowing others in is a step towards forming closer friendships. After all, no man is an island.

3) Fear of vulnerability

Let’s hit the nail on the head here. We all have fears, don’t we? Big or small, they’re part of being human. But one fear can be particularly crippling when it comes to forming friendships – vulnerability.

There’s a certain risk in letting our guard down, in showing our true selves – warts and all. It’s like standing on a stage under a spotlight, exposed to scrutiny. It’s uncomfortable, it’s frightening and it’s raw.

Being vulnerable means opening ourselves up to potential pain and rejection. And for some of us, this fear is so paralyzing that we’d rather keep people at arm’s length than risk getting hurt.

So we build walls, erect barriers, put on masks. But in doing so, we unknowingly distance ourselves from the very connections we long for.

You see, deep friendships are born out of authenticity.

They thrive when we let each other see our flaws, our fears, our dreams, and our joys. Because at the end of the day, it’s these shared human experiences that weave the fabric of true friendship.

So yes, vulnerability can be scary as hell. But it’s also the birthplace of connection.

4) Lack of active listening

Think about your last conversation with a friend. Were you truly present, or was your mind wandering off to your to-do list, the movie you watched last night, or what you were going to have for dinner?

Active listening is a key component in forming close friendships. It’s not just about hearing the words being said, but truly understanding and engaging in the conversation.

People who struggle with forming close bonds often lack this crucial skill. They may be physically present in a conversation but mentally absent.

They interrupt frequently or shift the focus back to themselves, leaving their friend feeling unheard and undervalued.

Friendships thrive on mutual respect and understanding – both of which are fostered through active listening. So if you find yourself struggling to stay present in conversations, it might be worth exploring ways to develop this skill.

5) Inability to manage conflict

Did you know elephants are known to make up after fights by engaging in a behavior called “touching”? They literally touch trunks as a way of saying “we’re good”.

Now, we humans may not have trunks, but we sure have conflicts in our relationships, including friendships. And how we handle these conflicts can be a huge indicator of our ability to maintain close friendships.

Conflict is natural. It’s part and parcel of any relationship. But for those who struggle with forming close bonds, managing conflict can be a real hurdle. They avoid it altogether, or blow it out of proportion, or even resort to destructive behavior.

But avoiding or mishandling conflict only breeds resentment and drives a wedge between friends.

On the flip side, handling conflict effectively can actually strengthen the bond of friendship. It provides an opportunity for growth, understanding, and deeper connection.

6) Struggle with self-esteem

In the quiet corners of our hearts, we all yearn to be loved and accepted for who we are, don’t we? But for those of us grappling with low self-esteem, this yearning can feel like an uphill battle.

The truth is, how we see ourselves greatly impacts how we interact with others. When we’re clouded with self-doubt, it’s easy to believe that we’re unworthy of close friendships or that others won’t find us interesting or valuable.

This can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy where we keep others at a distance, fearing rejection or judgment. And in the end, it’s not the fear itself but the actions driven by this fear that hinder us from forming deep connections.

Everyone has something unique and beautiful to bring to a friendship. You are no exception.

7) Resistance to change

Life is a constant ebb and flow of change. Friendships, like anything else in life, evolve over time. They adapt, shift and grow. That’s part of their charm and beauty.

But what happens when we resist this change, cling to the familiar, or refuse to leave our comfort zone? A stagnation sets in that can stifle the growth of a friendship.

Those who struggle with forming close friendships often show a marked resistance to change. They may struggle to adapt to new situations or find it difficult to accept changes in others.

But friendships thrive on growth and mutual evolution. They flourish when we not only accept but embrace the changes life throws our way.

Staying flexible and open to change isn’t just beneficial for personal growth, it’s essential for building deeper and more meaningful friendships. Because at the end of the day, change is the only constant in life.

Final thoughts

If you’ve recognized some of these traits in yourself, don’t beat yourself up. Self-awareness is a powerful tool, and you’ve taken the first step towards change by identifying these patterns.

Start by reflecting on the traits you’ve identified with. Consider how they might be affecting your relationships. Then think about small changes you can make to shift these behaviors.

As the saying goes, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” So take that step today towards building meaningful friendships – after all, we are social creatures at heart.