Manipulation is often seen as something intentional and sinister, right? But what if I told you there are people who manipulate others without even realizing it?

It’s true. Some folks have these subconscious habits that can be pretty controlling.

These habits are sneaky—they’re ingrained behaviors that can affect others without them even knowing. It’s not always fair or balanced.

In this article, we’ll explore seven of these subconscious habits. It’s important to note, though, that we’re not here to point fingers.

It’s about being aware and understanding.

1) They often use guilt as a tool

Guilt is really powerful—it can sway people to do things they might not otherwise choose.

Unintentionally calculating folks often wield guilt as a tool, whether subtly or directly.

They might make you feel bad for not helping them or for choosing differently than they’d like.

The thing is, they usually don’t do it with ill intent.

It often stems from a fear of being left or rejected. But even though it’s subconscious, it still counts as manipulation.

It’s crucial to recognize that everyone has the right to prioritize their own needs and desires.

No one should feel pressured or guilt-tripped into decisions. 

2) They’re usually excellent listeners

It’s a common misconception that manipulative people are always the ones dominating conversations.

Actually, they can be quite skilled at listening.

Here’s the twist: their listening isn’t necessarily about empathy or understanding.

Instead, they often gather information to use strategically later on.

For instance, they might bring up a personal detail or exploit a vulnerability when it serves their agenda.

While being a good listener is generally seen as a positive trait, it becomes problematic when it’s a tool for manipulation.

True listening is about building mutual understanding and connection, not gaining an advantage.

If you sense someone is using what you say against you or twisting your words to suit their needs, it might be time to reconsider that relationship.

3) They’re often charming and charismatic

It’s interesting how often people think manipulators are always obvious and unpleasant.

Actually, they can be quite charming, charismatic, and seemingly attentive.

Their charm can really pull you in, making you more open to their subtle manipulations.

You might feel a desire to please them, to meet their expectations, or even earn their approval and praise.

It’s a subtle dynamic that can be quite powerful.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I talk about how this dynamic can lead to a cycle of codependency that’s hard to break free from.

It’s crucial to remember that real charm doesn’t come with strings attached.

Genuine charisma is about lifting others up, not using them as stepping stones.  

4) They rarely take responsibility

There’s a quote from Winston Churchill that has always resonated with me: “The price of greatness is responsibility.”

However, for those who unknowingly exhibit manipulative behaviors, taking responsibility can be a challenge.

These individuals often shy away from owning up to their actions, especially when things don’t go as planned.

It’s easier for them to point fingers at others or external factors rather than admitting their own role.

I’ve seen this pattern repeat itself in various relationships, both personal and professional.

Instead of facing their mistakes, they deflect blame, which perpetuates a cycle of denial.

Keep in mind that accepting responsibility doesn’t mean assigning guilt or fault.

It means recognizing our impact on situations and growing from those experiences. 

5) They often play the victim

We’ve all come across people who seem to have a streak of bad luck.

The world can be tough, no doubt.

But have you ever noticed those individuals who always see themselves as the victim, regardless of the situation?

Playing the victim is a common strategy among those who unintentionally manipulate others.

It can be a way to garner sympathy, exert control, or evade responsibility.

From what I’ve observed over the years, these individuals typically aren’t trying to deceive anyone.

They genuinely see themselves as constantly facing adversity.

However, consistently playing the victim isn’t constructive for anyone involved.

It can create imbalance in relationships and prevent personal growth. 

6) They frequently use passive-aggressive behavior

Ambrose Bierce once said, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

Nowhere is this clearer than in passive-aggressive behavior, another common trait among inadvertently manipulative individuals.

Passive-aggression is an indirect way of expressing anger or dissatisfaction.

It can manifest as sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or seemingly innocent remarks with a hidden sting.

In my experience, I’ve witnessed many relationships strained by this behavior.

What’s more troubling is that those who engage in it often don’t realize the impact they’re having—they may believe they’re just being witty or humorous.

However, it’s important to recognize that passive-aggression isn’t genuine communication.

It’s a method of conveying negative emotions without taking responsibility for them. 

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We’re all about fostering healthier connections!

7) They manipulate emotions

Manipulating emotions is a deeply deceptive form of manipulation, often hard to admit.

Those unintentionally manipulative can subtly play on others’ feelings to achieve their aims.

They might seek sympathy to get help or sow fear to gain control.

This behavior is usually ingrained, rooted in past experiences or learned habits. Often, they don’t even realize they’re doing it.

But make no mistake—it’s damaging.

If someone consistently stirs your emotions to sway your actions, it’s time to step back.

Evaluate the relationship and set healthier boundaries.

Remember, your emotions are yours alone—no one should manipulate them.

Your path to happiness is paved with boundaries

Recognizing these manipulative habits isn’t about pointing fingers or making anyone feel bad.

It’s more about being aware, improving how we communicate, and setting boundaries when needed.

In my work as a relationship expert, I’ve noticed that most people don’t consciously set out to manipulate others.

It often comes from learned behaviors, ways of coping, or past experiences.

But the good news is, with awareness and effort, these habits can be unlearned.

I recently watched a video by Justin Brown that really resonated with me.

He talks about the pursuit of happiness and why it can sometimes lead to misery—a great parallel to our discussion on manipulation.

At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to find our own path to happiness, aren’t we?

Remember, growth is a journey and it’s okay to ask for help along the way.

Understanding our own behaviors and those of others is a crucial part of this journey.

So let’s keep learning, growing, and striving for healthier relationships.