James Baldwin, the iconic American writer known for fearlessly tackling the thorny matters of race, sexuality, and identity in his work, once delved into the realm of childhood.

According to Baldwin, “A child cannot be taught by anyone who despises him, and a child cannot afford to be fooled.”

And he’s right. An environment tainted by disdain or deception is no way for a young person to thrive.

For him, respect formed the bedrock for any meaningful adult-child relationship. Through this, he calls for an upbringing that is marked by mutual respect, sincerity, and honesty. 

Such a dynamic isn’t only necessary for growth, it is essential for emotional wellbeing.

Baldwin also reminds us that children can’t help but soak up the attitudes and behaviors directed towards them, shaping their worldview as they grow.

When kids experience disdain or disrespect from authority figures during their formative years, it can profoundly affect how they see themselves and those around them.

If a child is constantly met with judgment or contempt from adults, they’re likely to carry that defensive or judgmental outlook into their adult lives.

Here are seven things highly judgmental people might have experienced growing up.

1) They received criticism rather than constructive feedback

Let’s face it. It’s basically the law to tell a child the artwork they made at school is beautiful.

Or their wonky attempt at tying their laces. Or the pancakes they made without the sugar. Or the bike they rode slower than a snail’s pace.

Kids need encouragement… they need to be built up! 

Why? Well, because the world is tough—and we need to prepare kids for this inevitability in the warmest, kindest way that we can.

Now picture a young child proudly presenting their artwork to their grown ups. 

They eagerly await approval, but instead, they are met with a critical comment.

“Why can’t you color inside the lines?” or maybe “That doesn’t resemble a tree at all!”

Despite the passing years, the memory of that dig might still sting for that person as if it were yesterday.

As a result, they find themselves habitually judging others, unable to offer support without pointing out flaws. 

But why? Because criticism, rather than constructive feedback, was their childhood norm. And constructive feedback is 100% essential when it comes to fostering positive growth.

2) They had a pervasive thoughts of inadequacy

You know that nagging feeling of never quite measuring up? 

The feeling that makes you feel as if you’re constantly being watched, every move and word surveilled and picked apart by some invisible critic?

Well, that’s often what an overly judgy person might have felt like as a little one.

Maybe it was a parent, a teacher, or just their own inner voice, but whoever it was, it had a real flair for making them doubt themselves at every moment.

This kind of burden is one that brings a person down, no matter how hard they try.

In turn, this feeling of theirs might flow from them to others, causing them to unfairly unleash that critical inner voice onto them.

3) They lacked a supportive environment for personal growth

Another explanation for why someone might become overly critical or judgmental as an adult is because they weren’t raised in a family that gave them the support and space to grow.

In other words, this person might have grown up feeling completely alone and unsupported.

As adults, this might mean they scrutinize every aspect of their friends’ lives, being fast to single out flaws and shortcomings.

So, if you know of a pal who seems overly judgmental, pause for a moment to consider what their upbringing might have been like—maybe they never knew the warmth of a supportive environment that you did.

Fortunately, there is hope in this. Your acknowledgment of their super judgmental energy might just be the first step in helping them break free from the cycle.

4) They were discouraged from exploring their interests/passions freely

As Baldwin says, children need to be taught through love and care, and this involves being freely given the space to dream.

This might look like a child boasting an innate, natural curiosity about the world around them, from the tiny critters in their backyard to the starry mysteries of the evening sky.

In a less than ideal upbringing, however, there might have been that one authoritative figure who cast a dark shadow across all this child’s hopes and dreams. 

Perhaps they revealed their dreams of joining an amateur drama club, only to be met with a dismissive, “That’s a waste of time. You’ll never make it as a performer.” 

Or maybe they shared their desire to draw, only to hear, “Art is for those lacking real intelligence.”

With each hopeful attempt to explore something new, they only received huge amounts of criticism and discouragement in return. Isn’t that sad?

Now, think about how this formative experience might mold someone’s perspective as they grew older.

Constantly being told that their passions are frivolous can breed a kind of self-criticism that you couldn’t even imagine.

This can also trickle down into a tendency to judge others harshly by quickly shaking off anything diverging from the norm—in the same way they encountered as a wee one.

5) They felt unseen or unheard during their upbringing

Picture this scene for me. It’s a child’s birthday party. There are cousins running around, fighting for the last slice of pepperoni pizza.

Aunties and uncles are catching up over a drink, chatting away.

Then blending into the background, is one lone child.

Their attempts to join in on all the blissful chaos are completely drowned out—despite being in the midst of it all, they feel so isolated.

 Being unseen or unheard leaves a lasting mark on a person. 

It has the power to massively shape their self-perception and influences how they relate to others.

So, that overly critical or judgmental person you know may well have experienced this firsthand.

Because of this, their skepticism stemmed from the deeply rooted belief that if they felt invisible—surely others must too.

6) They experienced a fear of making mistakes

People who constantly felt an overwhelming fear of screwing things up when they were little might have inadvertently become judgy as adults.

This person’s constant worry about messing up might mean that they are hypersensitive to the flaws of others.

Due to this formative experience, they might project their own fears onto others, unfairly analyzing every misstep as if it confirmed their own worst fears.

Sometimes, it’s so that they can avoid facing that judgment internally. 

As a result, they then turn their critical eye outward, finding fault in others to deflect attention from insecurities of their very own.

It’s a vicious cycle, to be perfectly honest.

But breaking free from this cycle starts with understanding and accepting our own imperfections. 

When people can learn to fully embrace their errors as part of the learning process, they become less poised to judge everyone else, who, spoiler alert, is also doing their very best. That’s all we can do, ultimately.

7) They struggled to openly express their emotions

For some, there’s an unspoken rule dictating that emotions should be kept under wraps. 

Maybe it’s the influence of parents, or some of their teachers, but essentially this person feels the pressure to conform, to mask their emotions rather than letting them see the light of day. 

And so, instead of extending a comforting hand, this person puts on a facade, hiding their true feelings behind a plastered-on smile.

It’s super important to understand that this critical mindset doesn’t just affect this person—it impacts everyone who comes into contact with them.

It creates an atmosphere where vulnerability is shunned, and maybe even judged. 

But if we begin to realize how damaging this judgmental mindset can be, we can work on creating spaces where it’s okay to be our authentic and emotional selves.

Just imagine if everyone felt safe enough to express themselves without fear of being laughed at.

Let’s choose empathy over judgment everyday—after all, that’s the only environment where kindness can really thrive.