People who are happy on the surface but sad underneath often display these 7 specific behaviors

Lucas Graham by Lucas Graham | August 1, 2024, 2:03 pm

We’ve all met them. Those people who always seem to be in high spirits, their smiles as bright as a summer’s day. But have you ever stopped to wonder – what’s really going on beneath that cheerful façade?

It’s easy to assume that their life is as rosy as it appears. But, let me tell you, appearances can often be deceiving.

In this article, I will delve into the 7 telltale behaviors often displayed by people who, although they seem happy on the surface, are actually fighting a hidden battle with sadness.

Because understanding these signs is not just important – it’s essential. It allows us to offer help, show empathy or simply be there for them when they most need it.

So, are you ready to take a deeper look? Let’s get right in.

1) They’re always trying to make others happy

Isn’t it funny how the ones who often go out of their way to put a smile on other people’s faces are the same ones who struggle to find happiness themselves?

Think about it.

The person in your life who is always there to cheer you up, the one who seems to have an endless supply of jokes and uplifting stories. Yet, when the laughter dies down and the room empties, they’re left alone with their thoughts.

People who appear happy on the outside but are dealing with sadness internally often make it their mission to ensure that those around them don’t feel the same way they do.

2) They avoid discussing their own feelings

Here’s a story I’d like to share.

A few years ago, I had a friend named Alex. He was always the one to lend an ear when anyone needed it. From breakups to job losses, he was there, offering advice and comforting words.

But when it came to his own feelings, it was like trying to break into a vault. He’d deflect, change the subject, or make a joke to lighten the mood. It was as if he was allergic to talking about his own emotions.

I later found out that beneath his buoyant exterior, Alex was dealing with a lot of unresolved sadness.

Individuals who are outwardly happy but inwardly sad often dodge discussions about their own feelings. It’s not that they don’t want to share; it’s more that they don’t want to burden others with their problems or admit to themselves that they’re struggling.

3) They’re often the last to leave a social gathering

Ever noticed that one person who sticks around long after the party has ended? The one who helps clean up, makes small talk with the hosts, and seems to delay heading home as much as they can?

I’ve been that person.

In the midst of the crowd, the music, and the laughter, it’s easy to forget about your troubles. It’s a temporary escape from reality. When you’re surrounded by people, you can put on a show and pretend, even for just a few hours, that everything is perfectly fine.

But when the music fades, and you’re left alone in the silence of your own space, reality hits. And sometimes, that reality is a wave of sadness that you’ve been trying to outrun.

Staying until the very end of a social event can be less about enjoying the company and more about avoiding the solitude that awaits at home.

4) They’re excessively busy

You know that friend who always seems to be on the go? The one who’s invariably juggling multiple projects, involved in numerous activities, and somehow manages to squeeze in a social life?

Let me tell you something.

Often, these are the people who are trying to outrun their feelings of sadness by filling their time with tasks. The constant hustle and bustle serves as a distraction, a way to keep their minds off what they’re truly feeling.

It’s not uncommon for those who seem happy on the outside but are dealing with hidden sadness to immerse themselves in work or hobbies. After all, it’s easier to keep moving than it is to stop and face what’s really going on inside.

5) They’re overly generous

You’d be surprised to know that there’s a psychological phenomenon called “helper’s high.” It’s a sense of euphoria followed by a longer period of calm experienced after performing a kind act.

Take this into consideration as we talk about our next behavior.

People who mask internal sadness with external happiness often display an unusual amount of generosity. They’re the ones buying coffee for the whole office, volunteering on weekends, or always ready to help a friend in need.

Why, you ask?

Well, by making others feel good, they get a temporary boost of happiness themselves. It’s their way of battling their inner sadness – a fight they so bravely carry on every single day.

6) They’re great listeners

We all need that friend who just listens, don’t we? The one who sits with us in our darkest hours, offering a shoulder to lean on, without any judgement or unsolicited advice.

Often, those who put on a happy exterior while wrestling with inner sadness are phenomenal listeners. They understand the value of being heard because they too carry a story – a story they seldom share.

Remember, their ability to listen so intently stems from a place of deep empathy. They know what it’s like to feel misunderstood, to grapple with emotions that aren’t easily expressed.

So, next time someone lends you their ear, appreciate it. You never know what battles they might be fighting behind that compassionate smile.

7) They rarely ask for help

It’s ironic, isn’t it? The ones who are often the first to lend a hand are usually the last to ask for help. They bear their burdens alone, unwilling to let others see the sadness that lies beneath their cheerful exterior.

But here’s what you need to understand.

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s an act of courage. It takes strength to admit that you’re struggling and to let others in.

If you know someone who always seems happy but never reaches out when they’re in need, they might be fighting a silent battle with sadness. Reach out, let them know it’s okay to ask for help. Sometimes, even the strongest among us need a hand to hold.

Reflecting on the journey

If you’ve identified with these behaviors, don’t let it overwhelm you. It’s not a diagnosis, but an invitation to self-awareness.

Life is a complex tapestry of emotions, and it’s okay to feel sadness alongside joy. But remember, you don’t have to wear a mask of happiness for the world. It’s okay to let people see the real you, with all your emotions.

It might be time to consider why you feel the need to hide your sadness. Is it fear of burdening others? Or perhaps a desire to always appear strong? Recognizing these reasons is the first step towards healing.

Then, there’s the power of reaching out. Connecting with others and sharing your struggles doesn’t make you weak. On the contrary, it takes immense strength to be vulnerable, and you’ll find that people are more understanding than you think.

And most importantly, remember to be kind to yourself. You’re human, and it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. You’re not alone in this journey!