People who are happy on the surface but in survival mode underneath usually display these 7 behaviors

Mia Zhang by Mia Zhang | August 4, 2024, 8:55 am

The face we show to the world isn’t always an accurate reflection of what’s going on underneath.

Take me for instance, I’m often told that I have a constant glow of positivity. But, like everyone else, I have my share of hard days too.

You see, it’s not uncommon for people to put on a happy facade, while they’re actually in survival mode on the inside.

In my years as a relationship expert and in running the Love Connection blog, I’ve recognized that individuals who are navigating this internal struggle often display certain tell-tale behaviors.

In this article, we’ll explore the 7 key behaviors that can hint at this complex emotional state. It’s all about understanding the subtle signs and extending compassion to those around us who may be fighting battles we know nothing about.

So let’s dive in and uncover these hidden signals together.

1) They’re constantly busy

In my experience, one of the most common behaviors exhibited by those who are in survival mode while maintaining a cheerful exterior is perpetual busyness. They’re always on the go, filling every minute of their day with tasks and activities.

On the surface, it might seem like they’re just high-energy individuals or workaholics. But often, this constant flurry of activity is a way to distract themselves from the internal struggle they’re going through.

The never-ending to-do list serves as a shield, a barrier that keeps them from acknowledging or dealing with their true feelings. It’s a means to maintain control when everything else feels like it’s falling apart.

So next time you encounter someone who’s always occupied, maybe take a moment to consider what might be happening underneath that bustling exterior. It could be a cry for help disguised as an action-packed schedule.

2) They’re overly cheery

Now, this may sound counterintuitive. After all, aren’t happy people supposed to be cheerful? Yes, but there’s a significant difference between genuine happiness and forced cheerfulness.

People in survival mode often overcompensate for their internal turmoil by being excessively sunny and enthusiastic. It’s as if they are trying to convince themselves and the world around them that everything is perfect.

This relentless positivity can sometimes feel forced or out of place. It’s like watching a movie with the brightness turned up too high – something just doesn’t feel right.

So, while it’s great to be around upbeat individuals, remember that an over-the-top cheerful demeanor could be a mask for deeper struggles. Everyone has bad days, and it’s perfectly okay to not be okay sometimes.

3) They avoid conflict at all costs

Another behavior I’ve noticed in people who are happy on the surface but actually in survival mode, is their tendency to avoid conflict like the plague. They often go out of their way to keep the peace, even if it means suppressing their own needs and desires.

This tendency to avoid conflict often stems from a fear of causing distress or discomfort to others. It’s a survival mechanism, a means to maintain a sense of control amidst internal chaos.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into the dynamics of such behaviors, particularly in the context of relationships.

While it might seem like they’re just being considerate, this constant avoidance of conflict can be detrimental to their personal growth and well-being.

It’s important to remember that healthy disagreements are a normal part of life and can lead to more understanding and growth.

4) They’re masters of diversion

This one hits close to home. I remember a friend who was the life of the party, always ready with a witty comeback or a funny story.

But behind those sparkling eyes, there was a deep sadness that she expertly masked.

Individuals who are internally in survival mode are often skilled at diverting attention away from themselves. They might crack a joke, change the subject or simply stay silent when the conversation veers towards their feelings or struggles.

As the legendary Maya Angelou once said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

These individuals carry untold stories, emotions, and fears that they carefully keep hidden from the world.

So, next time you notice someone consistently steering clear of personal topics, it might be worth gently checking in with them. Remember, everyone deserves to be heard and understood.

5) They struggle to accept help

I must admit, this is a behavior I’m all too familiar with. There’s a stubborn streak in me that often finds it hard to ask for help, even when I really need it.

People who are internally battling while appearing happy often have a hard time accepting assistance from others. It’s as if they’re locked in a constant battle to prove that they’re okay, that they can handle everything on their own.

But the truth is, we all need a little help sometimes. Accepting assistance isn’t a sign of weakness – it’s a sign of strength and wisdom. It takes courage to admit when we’re overwhelmed and need a hand.

So if you notice someone constantly refusing help or insisting they’re fine on their own, it could be a sign of their internal struggle. A gentle nudge or reminder that it’s okay to lean on others might be what they need.

6) They’re perfectionists

Perfectionism is a trait I’ve often grappled with. The constant need to get everything just right can be exhausting.

And it’s yet another behavior I’ve noticed in individuals who are managing internal struggles while maintaining a happy facade.

They set incredibly high standards for themselves and feel immense pressure to meet them. It’s as though they believe any mistake or failure would expose their internal turmoil.

But as the great Leonard Cohen said, “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”

Embracing our imperfections can often lead to growth and self-acceptance.

Remember, nobody’s perfect – not me, not you, not anyone. It’s our flaws that make us uniquely beautiful.

For more insights and articles like this, do follow me on my Facebook page at Tina Fey’s Love Connection. It’s a space where we can continue this journey of understanding and compassion together.

7) They neglect self-care

This is a tough one. It’s raw, it’s real, and it’s something we don’t talk about enough. People who are internally in survival mode often neglect their own self-care.

They’re so focused on maintaining the happy facade and managing the chaos within that they forget to take care of themselves. Skipping meals, ignoring exhaustion, brushing off health concerns – these are all signs that someone might be neglecting their self-care.

Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and spa days. It’s about ensuring that we’re physically, mentally, and emotionally well. It’s about listening to our bodies and minds, and giving them what they need.

So if you notice someone consistently ignoring their own needs, it could be a sign of deeper struggles. Encourage them to prioritize their self-care. After all, we can’t pour from an empty cup.

Understanding and compassion: the way forward

It’s a complex world out there. We all carry our own burdens, fight our own battles, and navigate through life in the best way we know how. And sometimes, that means putting on a brave face and pushing through the turmoil within.

Recognizing the signs of someone in survival mode is just the first step. The real challenge lies in reaching out, providing support, and extending kindness and understanding, even when it’s hard.

As we’ve explored in this article, these behaviors are not just random quirks. They’re coping mechanisms, cries for help, and signs of internal battles.

I leave you with this thought-provoking video by Justin Brown that beautifully encapsulates the essence of our discussion today. It’s a powerful exploration of the ‘illusion of happiness’ and why chasing it could actually lead to more misery.

YouTube video

Remember, it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. We all have our struggles, and it’s these struggles that make us human. As we navigate this journey of life together, let’s strive to foster understanding, extend compassion, and remember that everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about.

So let’s be kind. Always.