Being a great listener is more than just nodding your head while someone else is talking.

I’ve noticed it time and again – real listening is a skill, an art form that only a select few have truly mastered. It’s not about waiting for your turn to speak, or crafting the perfect response in your head.

No, it’s far more nuanced than that.

I’ve observed that exceptional listeners often display certain characteristics. Subtle yet powerful traits that make them stand out in a crowd. Things that make you feel truly heard, understood, and valued.

Let’s delve into identifying these 8 unique traits that great listeners often exhibit. Trust me, it’s not as straightforward as you might think, but once you see them, you’ll never be able to unsee them. The world of communication will never look the same to you again because you’ll understand the art of listening like never before.

Are you ready? Let’s dive right in.

1. They’re fully present in conversations

Being a great listener isn’t just about hearing the words spoken to you.

It’s about being completely present in the conversation. It’s about shutting off that constant internal dialogue and truly focusing on the person speaking to you. It’s about turning off your phone, not scanning the room for distractions, but really being there, fully immersed in the words being said.

Great listeners have this knack for making you feel like you’re the only person in the room. They exhibit this unique trait of being fully engaged, making eye contact, and responding appropriately to what’s being said.

When someone talks to them, they’re not just waiting for their turn to speak – they’re actually absorbing, processing, and understanding the information. This presence of mind sets them apart from merely good listeners and elevates them to a league of great listeners.

This might seem like a basic point but it’s far from it. In our increasingly distracted world, the ability to be fully present is becoming a rarity, making it all the more valuable.

And that’s why it makes up our first trait of great listeners.

2. They pick up on non-verbal cues

Great listeners do more than just hear the words you’re saying.

They’re constantly observing, picking up on all the non-verbal cues that we often don’t even realize we’re giving off. The subtle shifts in our body language, the tone of our voice, our facial expressions – these are all part of the conversation for them.

This knack for picking up on non-verbal cues is something that truly sets great listeners apart. They don’t just listen with their ears, they listen with their eyes and their intuition as well.

3. They practice empathy

Empathy is at the heart of great listening.

Stephen R. Covey, the author of ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’, famously said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” And he hit the nail right on the head.

Great listeners stand out because they listen to understand, not just respond. They step into your shoes, feel what you’re feeling, and understand your perspective. It’s not about agreeing or disagreeing with what you’re saying but about acknowledging your feelings and experiences.

When a great listener is in a conversation, they set aside their own thoughts and feelings to truly understand yours. They practice empathy in its truest form – not just as a buzzword but as a way of connecting with others on a deeper level.

Take it from Covey, the art of listening goes beyond hearing words and responding. Empathy is where real understanding begins, and that’s what great listeners excel at.

4. They refrain from interrupting

One of the most valued aspects of a conversation is the uninterrupted flow of thoughts and ideas.

Did you know that on average, we interrupt each other once every 17 seconds in a conversation? Yet, you’ll find that great listeners seldom fall into this trap.

They understand the importance of allowing others to express their thoughts without interruption. They patiently wait for their turn to speak, even if they have something important or exciting to share. Their respect for the speaker’s time and thoughts is paramount.

This level of patience and respect sets great listeners apart. They know that interruptions can disrupt the flow of thoughts and often lead to misunderstandings. Hence, they exhibit this unique trait of refraining from interrupting, providing a safe and open space for others to express themselves freely.

In doing so, they not only make the speaker feel valued but also gain a deeper understanding of the conversation. It’s not just polite – it’s effective communication at its best.

5. They ask insightful questions

Ever noticed how great listeners have a knack for asking just the right questions?

They don’t just sit back and passively absorb what you’re saying. Instead, they actively engage in the conversation by asking thoughtful, insightful questions.

These questions do more than just keep the conversation going. They show that they’re genuinely interested in understanding your point of view, your feelings, and your experiences. They use these questions as tools to dig deeper, to get to the heart of the matter.

For instance, instead of just asking “How was your day?”, they might ask “What was the best part of your day?” or “What challenged you today?”. These types of questions show that they’re not just hearing you, but really listening and trying to understand your experiences.

This quality of asking insightful questions is a clear indicator of a great listener. It’s about engagement, curiosity, and a genuine desire to understand – all hallmarks of great listeners.

6. They validate the speaker’s feelings

There’s something incredibly powerful about feeling understood.

Great listeners have a unique ability to make you feel validated in your feelings and experiences. It’s not about agreeing or nodding along to everything you say. Rather, it’s about acknowledging and respecting your feelings, even when they differ from their own.

They might say things like, “I can see why you’d feel that way,” or “That sounds really tough; how are you handling it?” These comments aren’t just empty words – they’re confirmation that the listener is truly processing what you’re saying and understands your perspective.

By validating your feelings, they’re creating a safe space for open, honest communication. They’re showing that they respect and value your perspective, which is a crucial aspect of effective listening.

This ability to validate others’ feelings sets great listeners apart, making them exceptional communicators and confidants.

7. They don’t jump to solutions

In our problem-solving driven society, it’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting to fix things immediately.

But great listeners understand that not every problem needs a solution right away. Sometimes, all we need is a patient ear, a shoulder to lean on, someone who can simply sit with us in our moment of distress and not rush to ‘fix’ things.

They know that listening is not always about finding solutions or giving advice. Often, it’s about providing a space for someone to be heard and understood. They realize that the act of listening itself can be powerful and healing.

Rather than jumping in with “You know what you should do…”, they might say “I’m here for you,” or “I understand this is tough for you.” They provide comfort and understanding before they even think about solutions.

This ability to resist jumping to solutions is another trait that sets great listeners apart. They understand that sometimes, the best support is just being there, listening, and understanding.

8. They’re open-minded

Above all, great listeners are open-minded.

They approach every conversation without preconceived ideas or judgments. They understand that each person comes with their own unique experiences and perspectives, which may be different from their own.

They don’t rush to judge or dismiss what’s being said because it doesn’t align with their beliefs or experiences. Instead, they listen with curiosity and a willingness to learn something new.

I’ve found that this open-mindedness is key to truly understanding others. It allows them to entertain different ideas, even if they don’t agree with them. And it makes others feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings, knowing they won’t be judged or dismissed.

Open-mindedness is perhaps the most important trait of a great listener. It’s what allows for true understanding and connection, making it a cornerstone of effective communication.

So keep an open mind, lend a patient ear, and who knows? You might just find yourself becoming a better listener – and a better friend, colleague, or partner – in the process.

Final thoughts

If you see yourself in the traits we’ve discussed, consider it a testament to your listening skills.

But remember, true mastery is a journey, not a destination. Even great listeners can continue to grow and improve. It might involve becoming more present, honing your empathy, or adopting an even more open mindset.

Every conversation is an opportunity to practice these traits. Pay attention to your interactions. Notice when you’re fully engaged and when your mind wanders. Observe how you feel when you truly understand someone else’s perspective.

Incorporating these traits into your daily interactions can transform your relationships – not just with others, but with yourself too. It fosters deeper connections and mutual understanding.

Remember, listening is a skill that can be developed with time and practice. So why not start today? After all, the world could always use more great listeners.