Selfishness, it’s a trait we all detest, yet some of us unknowingly display signs of it every day.

Often, this isn’t due to a lack of empathy or kindness, but rather a lack of awareness. Without realizing it, we may be exhibiting behaviors that give off a selfish vibe.

Let’s delve into the top 10 behaviors that genuine ‘me-first’ individuals often display – without even knowing they’re doing it.

By understanding these behaviors, we can not only identify them in others but also ensure we aren’t guilty of them ourselves.

1) They often put their needs first

Selfish individuals, without realizing it, tend to prioritize their own needs and wants over others. This isn’t necessarily because they don’t care about other people, but more because they’re primarily focused on their own satisfaction and comfort.

Consider this – a friend asks for your help with moving house. You had planned a relaxing day off. A genuinely selfish person might decline to help, not out of malice, but simply because their need for relaxation takes precedence.

This behavior is often subconscious, making it one of the most subtle signs of genuine selfishness. It’s not about being intentionally malicious, but rather about an inherent tendency to prioritize self-interest.

2) They interrupt conversations

Have you ever been in the middle of sharing a story, only to be cut off by someone else’s tale? I’ve experienced this first-hand. I was once telling a friend about a work challenge I was facing, but before I could finish, she interrupted and started talking about her own work problems.

This is a classic sign of selfishness – the tendency to steer conversations towards oneself. It’s not always done with ill intent. Rather, the person might not even realize they’re doing it – they’re just so wrapped up in their own world that they assume their experiences are the most interesting or relevant.

If you find yourself doing this, don’t feel bad. Just try to be aware of it and make an effort to listen more actively to others. You might be surprised at how much you can learn when you take the time to really hear someone else’s story.

3) They don’t share credit

In a teamwork setting, a telltale sign of a genuinely selfish person is their reluctance to share credit. While it’s natural to want recognition for our efforts, it becomes problematic when someone fails to acknowledge the contributions of others.

A study from the University of Amsterdam found that teams where credit was shared equally were more successful than those where one person claimed all the glory. This is because shared recognition fosters a positive team environment, encouraging everyone to contribute their best.

Selfish individuals, however, often overlook this. Unconsciously, they might take credit for achievements that were a group effort, undermining team cohesion and potentially damaging relationships in the process. This behavior might not be intentional, but its impact can be significant nonetheless.

4) They fail to show empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. However, those who are genuinely selfish often struggle to exhibit this trait. It’s not that they’re heartless, but their focus on their own experiences and emotions can make it difficult for them to connect with what others are going through.

For instance, if a colleague is upset about a project setback, a selfish person might dismiss their concern because they themselves aren’t affected.

This lack of empathy can sometimes come across as insensitivity, even if it’s not intentional.

5) They rarely offer help

One common trait of genuinely selfish people is that they’re often reluctant to offer help unless there’s something in it for them. This could be as simple as not offering to help a teammate who’s swamped with work because they’re busy with their own tasks, or not volunteering their time for a good cause unless it benefits them in some way.

This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re uncaring or unkind. It could just be that they’re so focused on their own needs and goals that they overlook opportunities to lend a hand to others.

Becoming aware of this behavior can help us become more considerate and generous in our actions, even when there’s no direct benefit for ourselves.

6) They struggle to celebrate others’ success

We’ve all felt a twinge of envy when a friend or colleague achieves something we desire. It’s human nature. However, for genuinely selfish individuals, this can often overshadow any feelings of happiness for the other person.

For example, imagine a close friend lands their dream job – the very same job you’ve been eyeing for years. While it may sting, most of us would still muster genuine happiness for our friend’s success.

But for someone who’s genuinely selfish, their own disappointment might overshadow their ability to celebrate with their friend.

7) They’re often ungrateful

Gratitude is a trait that can significantly improve our relationships and overall happiness. However, genuinely selfish individuals often struggle with expressing gratitude. This isn’t because they’re unappreciative, but more because they’re so focused on their own wants and needs.

I recall a time when I was given a thoughtful gift by a friend, but instead of feeling grateful, I found myself wishing it was something different. It was a humbling moment that made me realize how I had been prioritizing my own desires over appreciating the kind gesture.

This lack of gratitude can, unintentionally, make us come across as selfish or unappreciative. 

8) They’re often generous with advice

It might seem surprising, but genuinely selfish people can sometimes be overly generous with advice. This stems from their belief that their way is the best way, leading them to offer unsolicited advice to others.

While it’s often well-intentioned, this behavior can come across as self-centered because it overlooks the other person’s perspective or feelings. Instead of showing understanding or offering support, they’re quick to tell others what they should do.

Recognizing this behavior can help us become better listeners and more respectful of others’ experiences and opinions. Instead of rushing to give advice, we can learn to offer support and understanding, fostering better relationships along the way.

9) They’re resistant to change

Genuinely selfish individuals often resist change. This is because change can disrupt their comfort zone or the status quo that benefits them. Whether it’s a new team structure at work or a shift in a friendship dynamic, they might resist because they’re primarily focused on how the change will impact them personally.

This resistance, while often subconscious, can hinder growth and progress. It can also strain relationships as it might come across as unwillingness to adapt or compromise.

10) They have a hard time apologizing

Apologizing requires us to put our pride aside and admit that we were wrong, which can be a tough pill to swallow for genuinely selfish people. Their focus on self can make it difficult to see their own faults and, as a result, they may struggle to offer sincere apologies.

This doesn’t mean they’re incapable of feeling remorse or acknowledging mistakes. It simply means that their instinctive self-focus may initially cloud their ability to see past their own perspective.

Understanding this can help us become more humble and open to admitting our mistakes, an important step towards personal growth and building stronger relationships.

A final reflection

It’s important to remember that everyone, at times, can exhibit these behaviors. We’re all human, and none of us are perfect. But recognizing these characteristics in ourselves can lead to a heightened sense of self-awareness and personal growth.

Beyond recognition, it’s about striving to do better, to be more empathetic, more considerate, more grateful. It’s about understanding that genuine relationships are built on give and take, not just take.

As Aristotle once said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” And in this context, knowing when we might be acting selfishly is an important part of understanding ourselves better.

So as we journey on in our quest towards self-improvement and personal growth, let’s strive to be more conscious of our actions and how they may affect those around us. After all, a little more kindness and understanding can go a long way in making the world a better place.