There’s a fine line between being genuinely friendly and simply putting on a facade.

This difference is often hidden deep beneath the surface, making it tough to distinguish between the two.

People who appear friendly, but are actually selfish, have certain behaviors that give them away.

In this article, we’ll unveil the 9 specific behaviors that these individuals often display.

You’ll be surprised at how much you can learn about a person’s true colors once you know what to look for.

1) They often steer the conversation towards themselves

Ever noticed how some people have a knack for turning any conversation into a monologue about themselves?

This can be a subtle telltale sign of a person who is friendly on the surface, but selfish underneath.

Engaging in conversation should involve give and take, but these individuals usually dominate the dialogue. They’re always eager to share their own experiences or views while showing little interest in yours.

This behavior indicates a desire for attention and validation, often at the expense of others. It’s all about them, regardless of the situation or topic at hand.

2) They seldom offer any help unless there’s something in it for them

Here’s a personal encounter I had. I once knew someone, let’s call him John. John always exuded friendliness and charm. But over time, I began to notice a pattern.

Whenever I needed help, for instance with moving furniture or tackling a complex project, John was always ‘busy’. But when he needed assistance, he wouldn’t hesitate to ask. And if he did lend a hand, there was always an expectation of a return favor.

This behavior was a clear indication that beneath his friendly exterior was a person primarily driven by self-interest. His willingness to help was conditional, depending on whether he could benefit from the situation.

This is a classic behavior of people who are friendly on the surface but really selfish underneath. They’re often more than ready to take, but giving is another story altogether.

3) They have a tendency to play the victim

Believe it or not, individuals who are selfish often portray themselves as victims. This is a psychological tactic used to divert attention from their selfish actions and evoke sympathy.

In psychology, this is referred to as ‘playing the victim’ or ‘victim mentality’. It’s a manipulative strategy that allows them to justify their self-centered behavior while dodging any blame or responsibility.

If you notice someone constantly painting themselves as the unfortunate one in every situation, it might be more than just a string of bad luck. It could very well be a sign of underlying selfishness.

4) They rarely express genuine gratitude

Gratitude is a fundamental aspect of genuine friendliness. It’s an acknowledgment of the kindness and efforts of others.

Those who are friendly on the surface but selfish underneath often struggle with this. Their self-centeredness makes it hard for them to appreciate others genuinely.

You might notice that their ‘thank you’s’ are often perfunctory, lacking warmth or sincerity. And sometimes, they may not even bother to express any gratitude at all.

This lack of appreciation is not only a sign of poor manners but also a clear indicator of their underlying selfish nature.

5) They’re quick to pass judgement on others

Have you ever met someone who seems to have an opinion about everyone else’s life? That’s another sign of a person who may be friendly on the surface but, in reality, is quite selfish.

These individuals often make snap judgements and are quick to criticize others. They lack empathy and understanding, focusing more on other’s flaws rather than acknowledging their own.

This behavior serves two purposes for them: it makes them feel superior, and it diverts attention away from their own shortcomings.

Remember, though, we all make judgements sometimes – it’s part of being human. But if it’s a consistent pattern, it might suggest something deeper about that person’s character.

6) They have a hard time celebrating others’ successes

It’s a wonderful feeling when someone genuinely rejoices in your accomplishments, isn’t it? It’s a sign of a true friend, someone who cares about your happiness.

However, those who are friendly on the surface but selfish underneath often struggle with this. They find it difficult to be genuinely happy for others.

You might notice subtle signs of jealousy or competitiveness when you share good news. They might downplay your achievements or quickly change the subject.

This inability to celebrate others’ successes speaks volumes about their underlying selfishness. It shows that they’re more concerned about their own status and how they measure against others, rather than simply being happy for someone else.

7) They often break promises and commitments

I remember a time when I was going through a rough patch. A friend of mine promised to be there for me, to lend a listening ear whenever I needed it. I was touched by this gesture and felt less alone.

But when the time came, and I reached out to them, they always seemed to have an excuse – too busy, too tired, or simply forgot. This happened not just once, but repeatedly.

This is yet another behavior common among people who appear friendly but are deeply selfish. They make promises or commitments quickly, but when it comes to following through, they fall short.

Their actions make it clear that their words were merely lip service, intended to create a positive image rather than genuine commitment. It’s not about the broken promise itself, but the repeated pattern that shows their true character.

8) They’re always looking for praise and validation

Now, we all like to be recognized and appreciated for our efforts. It’s human nature. But people who are friendly on the surface but really selfish underneath take this to another level.

They constantly seek praise and validation, often fishing for compliments or steering conversations towards their achievements. It’s as if they constantly need to be the center of attention.

This relentless quest for affirmation is a clear sign of their underlying selfishness. It shows that their primary concern is their own image and how they’re perceived by others.

Remember, it’s about consistency. If someone consistently needs validation and struggles to focus on anything else, it might suggest a deeper issue.

9) They rarely show genuine empathy

At the heart of true friendliness lies empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.

However, people who are friendly on the surface but inherently selfish often lack this crucial trait. Their empathy is usually superficial, limited to moments when they can benefit from appearing compassionate.

If they struggle to empathize genuinely when you’re going through challenging times or dismiss your feelings as irrelevant, it’s a significant red flag.

Their inability to empathize, more than anything else, reveals their true selfish nature.

Reflection: The power of understanding

Unveiling the hidden layers of human behavior is no easy task. It requires keen observation, understanding, and most importantly, empathy.

Recognizing these nine specific behaviors can help us identify those who may appear friendly on the surface but are inherently selfish. But it’s essential to remember that people are complex and constantly evolving.

Instead of labeling or judging people based on these behaviors, use this knowledge as a tool for understanding. Understanding why people behave the way they do can lead to more meaningful and genuine interactions.

As psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”

So, let’s strive to be that person for others – someone who understands rather than judges. After all, isn’t that what true friendship is all about?