There’s a real difference between people who are genuinely nice and those who just put on a friendly facade to hide their true intentions.

The difference is, honestly, painful. You think they’re your friend, but behind your back, they’re stirring the pot.

These so-called ‘friends’ are often hard to spot because they’re usually good at playing the part. But the truth is, they usually display certain behaviors that can give them away.

In this article, we’re going to take a closer look at these behaviors – you might be surprised at what you find. Here are 9 behaviors typically displayed by people who seem friendly on the surface, but are backstabbing underneath.

1) They’re overly sweet

Genuine kindness is something we all appreciate, but there’s a line between being nice and being overly sweet.

Those who seem too good to be true sometimes are. You know the type – they’re always complimenting you, always agreeable, never have a bad word to say about anyone or anything.

But when it’s time to turn your back, things might change. Their sweetness may not be sincere, but instead a tool they use to lower your guard. It’s a classic move for people who are friendly on the surface but backstabbing underneath.

Watch out for this behavior – it’s an early warning sign that not everything is as it seems. Authentic people don’t need to sugarcoat everything. They are honest and real, even when the truth is uncomfortable.

2) They dodge accountability

We all make mistakes, that’s a given. But owning up to them is what separates the genuine from the fake.

People who are friendly on the surface but backstabbing underneath have a knack for dodging accountability. They’ll shift the blame, make excuses, or flat out deny any wrongdoing, even when it’s clear they’re at fault.

Let me share a personal example. I once had a “friend” named Mark. We were part of the same project team at work. One day, our boss was upset over a mistake in our presentation, a mistake that was clearly Mark’s doing. But instead of owning up, he blamed it on me in front of everyone.

“I thought you were double-checking everything,” he said, feigning confusion and putting me on the spot.

It was a classic Mark move – appearing friendly and supportive in public, but quick to throw others under the bus when things went south. This lack of accountability was one of the key signs that Mark wasn’t as genuine as he seemed.

So remember this: Authentic people own their mistakes. If someone is consistently dodging accountability, it could be a sign they’re not as friendly as they seem.

3) They gossip a lot

Did you know that according to research, people spend around 52 minutes per day on average gossiping? 

Gossip can be harmful and destructive. It’s a way of undermining others, often behind their backs, which is a classic tactic used by people who are friendly on the surface but backstabbing underneath.

People who engage in gossip frequently are more likely to be judgmental of others, and they often use gossip as a tool to elevate themselves while bringing others down.

If you find someone constantly engaging in negative gossip, especially about mutual friends or colleagues, it could be a red flag. They might be just as willing to talk behind your back when you’re not around.

4) They’re always playing the victim

Life can be tough, and we all face challenges. But there’s a difference between overcoming obstacles and always playing the victim.

People who are friendly on the surface but backstabbing underneath often have a knack for making themselves the center of attention, even in situations where they’re clearly in the wrong. They’ll twist scenarios to make themselves appear as the innocent party, often at the expense of others.

This constant victim mentality is a manipulative tactic. It diverts attention away from their own shortcomings and shifts blame onto others.

It’s a way for them to avoid accountability for their actions and can do significant damage to relationships.

So if you know someone who always seems to be caught up in drama or is constantly claiming to be the victim, take note. It could be a sign that they’re not as friendly as they seem.

5) They’re never genuinely happy for others

Celebrating others’ achievements is a clear sign of a good friend. When you succeed, they’re thrilled for you. When you’re down, they’re there to lift you up.

Genuine friendships are built on mutual support and happiness for each other’s accomplishments.

However, people who are friendly on the surface but backstabbing underneath struggle to genuinely celebrate others’ success.

They might smile and congratulate you, but behind that facade, they could be harboring feelings of resentment or jealousy.

This lack of genuine happiness for others often stems from their own insecurities. They view others’ success as a threat to their own sense of self-worth.

So if you notice someone struggling to be genuinely happy for others, it’s worth being cautious. Their outward friendliness might just be a mask hiding their true feelings.

6) They’re quick to break confidences

Trust is the backbone of any relationship. When we confide in someone, we’re showing them our vulnerable side, trusting that they’ll guard our secrets just as we would theirs.

Regrettably, people who are friendly on the surface but backstabbing underneath don’t treat this trust with the respect it deserves. They’re quick to share your secrets, often using them as currency for their own social gain.

It’s heartbreaking to find out that a private conversation or a shared secret has been broadcasted to others. It not only breaks trust but can also cause damage that’s hard to repair.

7) They’re only around in good times

True friends are there through thick and thin. They celebrate your triumphs and stand by you during your struggles. They’re not just fair-weather friends; they’re there for you rain or shine.

I recall a time when I got a promotion at work. Suddenly, I was surrounded by “friends” who were all too eager to celebrate with me. But when a family crisis hit a few months later, most of them were nowhere to be found.

People who are friendly on the surface but backstabbing underneath tend to be the ones who disappear during tough times. They’re drawn to success and good fortune and tend to drift away when things get rough.

Their friendship is conditional, tied to what they can gain from being around you. It’s a harsh reality to face, but recognizing this behavior can save you from investing in a one-sided relationship. 

8) They’re manipulative

Manipulation is a common trait among people who appear friendly on the surface but have backstabbing tendencies.

They’re skilled at pulling strings and making others do what they want, often without the other person realizing it.

These manipulative individuals often use their friendly demeanor as a way to get close to you, only to use this closeness to their advantage later. They know how to say the right things and act the right way to get what they want.

This manipulation can take many forms, from guilt-tripping and playing the victim to gaslighting and deceit. It’s a toxic behavior that can leave you feeling used and confused.

9) They’re inconsistent

Inconsistency is the hallmark of someone who is friendly on the surface but backstabbing underneath. They may be warm and inviting one day, then cold and distant the next.

Their behavior towards you can change based on their mood, the situation, or who else is around. This inconsistency can be confusing and unsettling, making you question where you stand with them.

Keep in mind that genuine people are consistent in their actions and behavior. They don’t switch up their personality based on circumstances or company.

Final thoughts: It’s about self-awareness and boundaries

Understanding human behavior can be complex. We’re all shaped by a myriad of factors, from our upbringing and experiences to our inherent personality traits.

People who appear friendly on the surface but are backstabbing underneath aren’t necessarily evil or bad. They might be struggling with their own insecurities, fears, or past experiences that influence their behavior.

However, this doesn’t excuse their actions or the hurt they can cause. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step to protecting oneself from potential harm.

It’s about setting boundaries and prioritizing your own mental well-being.

Remember, you have the right to surround yourself with people who respect you and treat you with kindness – genuine kindness. If someone in your life is consistently displaying these behaviors, it might be time to reevaluate that relationship.