Years ago, I dated someone who was absolutely hilarious over text.

Their messages were filled with witty remarks and clever jokes that made me laugh out loud.

But when we met in person, I noticed they were much more reserved—shy, even. It was confusing at first, almost like interacting with two different people.

As time went on, I realized they were simply more expressive in writing, where they felt comfortable, and more passive when speaking face-to-face.

Many people share this trait, and it’s often accompanied by certain behaviors that set them apart.

Let’s explore seven common behaviors of expressive writers who tend to be passive speakers.

These individuals often exhibit certain behaviors that reveal the contrast in their communication styles.

1) They are detail-oriented

Expressive writers often have an incredible eye for detail.

They can meticulously describe a scene or event in their writing, capturing every nuance and subtlety.

But when it comes to speaking, they may not be as descriptive.

The details that flow so freely in their written work might get lost in translation when they’re asked to verbalize their thoughts.

This lack of detail could just be a result of their preference for the written word, where they have the time and space to fully explore and express their thoughts.

In contrast, speaking requires spontaneous responses, which can be challenging for expressive writers who prefer to take their time to craft their narrative carefully.

2) They often rehearse conversations in their head

This is something I can relate to personally.

I find myself constantly preparing for conversations in my head.

Before meetings, phone calls, or even casual chats, I’ll mentally script out what I want to say and how I want to say it.

It’s not that I’m trying to control the conversation. Instead, it’s my way of coping with the spontaneity of verbal interactions.

When I write, I have the luxury of time. I can edit, revise, and perfect my words until they convey exactly what I intend.

But in a conversation, there’s no backspace key. Once something is said, it’s out there.

So, this mental rehearsal helps me feel more prepared, even if things don’t always go as planned.

It’s a behavior that serves as a bridge between my writing and speaking – balancing the expressiveness of one with the passivity of the other.

3) They prefer written communication

Expressive writers who are passive speakers often gravitate towards written communication.

Emails, text messages, or handwritten letters become their preferred modes of interaction because they offer a medium where they can process and refine their thoughts.

According to research from Baylor University’s Keller Center for Research, people tend to be more deliberate and precise when writing, as it allows for deeper contemplation compared to spontaneous speaking.

The research suggests that writing allows for more thorough processing and understanding of information, leading to clearer, more effective communication.

This preference isn’t about shyness or social awkwardness. It’s about choosing a method of communication that allows for thoughtful articulation and the precise conveyance of ideas.

4) They take time to respond

Expressive writers who are passive speakers often need time to gather their thoughts before responding.

This can be seen in both written and verbal communication.

In conversation, they might pause before answering a question or contributing to a discussion.

The main reason for this is that they’re carefully formulating their response in their mind, choosing their words with the same precision they would in their writing.

Likewise, in written communication, they may not instantly reply to an email or a text message. 

This behavior reflects their natural inclination towards introspection and careful expression.

5) They’re great listeners

Being a passive speaker doesn’t mean being disengaged in conversations.

On the contrary, expressive writers who are passive speakers often make excellent listeners.

They’re typically attentive and empathetic, absorbing every word and understanding the underlying emotions.

This ability to listen closely allows them to gather insights and nuances that they can later express eloquently in their writing.

While they might not dominate the conversation, their active listening often makes them valuable contributors to any discussion.

6) They use writing to process their thoughts

For expressive writers who are passive speakers, writing isn’t just a form of communication – it’s a tool for thinking.

They often write to explore, understand, and organize their thoughts.

This behavior is not just about preference but about necessity. It’s the way they navigate their world, process experiences, and make sense of their thoughts and feelings.

It’s the cornerstone of their expressiveness in writing and their passivity in speaking.

7) They express themselves more freely in creative writing

One unique behavior often seen in expressive writers who are passive speakers is their tendency to shine in creative writing.

Whether it’s poetry, short stories, or even personal journaling, they use creative outlets to express thoughts and emotions that may never surface in verbal conversations.

Creative writing allows them to tap into their full emotional range without the constraints of real-time interaction or face-to-face communication.

For these individuals, creative writing offers a safe space to convey vulnerability, humor, or even passion—things that might be harder for them to express aloud.

While they may seem reserved in person, their creativity can often reveal a deeper side that is more fully realized through writing.

Final thoughts: It’s about understanding, not labeling

In understanding expressive writers who are passive speakers, one of the most valuable takeaways is recognizing how to support them in daily life.

If you’re a friend of someone like this, patience and understanding are key.

Give them space to communicate in the medium they feel most comfortable with, whether that’s a text, letter, or email.

Encourage conversations at their pace, allowing them time to process and respond thoughtfully.

This can deepen your connection and ensure more meaningful exchanges.

If you’re an expressive writer yourself, consider using writing as a tool to enhance verbal communication.

For instance, jot down thoughts before important conversations or use journaling to clarify emotions that might feel too overwhelming to express verbally.

And don’t shy away from blending both skills—written notes before or after conversations can serve as thoughtful supplements to face-to-face interactions, helping to balance the two communication styles.

The goal is not to change who you are but to embrace both your expressive writing and passive speaking as complementary strengths.