There’s a fine line between being cautious with your feelings and being emotionally guarded.

So when someone is emotionally guarded, they often display certain defensive behaviors without even realizing it.

Think you’re one of them?

Well, even if you don’t think so, being aware of these behaviors can actually make a huge difference in understanding others— even yourself.

So, in this article, I’ll be identifying some of these covert signs.

Who knows? Maybe these signs will also help you understand yourself, too.

1) Avoidance

It’s a common saying: out of sight, out of mind.

This is often the go-to strategy for emotionally guarded people. They steer clear of emotional intimacy by avoiding deep conversations or situations that might bring their feelings to the surface.

It’s like a defense mechanism—an emotional shield they unconsciously deploy to protect themselves from potential pain or vulnerability.

This is so subtle that even you might do it without realizing it.

Scary, right?

To understand this, know that it’s simply a coping mechanism—a way to deal with emotions that are hard to confront.

2) Difficulty expressing emotions

I remember a close friend of mine, who I’ve known for years.

We’ve shared countless experiences, yet when it came to discussing anything remotely emotional, there was always a brick wall.

It was as if there was an unspoken rule that we shall never venture into ’emotional’ territory.

This wasn’t because they didn’t care or didn’t have feelings—it was because they had built a strong defense mechanism against delving into their emotions.

For them, it was safer to keep those feelings locked away, even if it meant appearing indifferent.

3) Overly self-reliant

Emotionally guarded people often have an extreme sense of independence. They believe that they can handle everything on their own and tend not to ask for help.

It’s a common trait among people who have experienced emotional trauma or significant loss in the past.

In fact, people who are overly self-reliant tend to be lonelier. And when you’re lonely, you’re more likely to feel insecure, too.

This can be seen as another defensive behavior, as they may believe relying on others could lead to potential hurt or disappointment.

4) Inconsistent communication

Inconsistency in communication is another tell-tale sign of an emotionally guarded person.

They might be chatty one moment, sharing details about their day and showing interest in yours, and then suddenly their responses become short, or they stop responding altogether.

This isn’t necessarily a sign of disinterest. It’s more likely their defense mechanism is kicking in, pulling them back when they feel they are getting too close or revealing too much.

5) Fear of commitment

Whether it’s a romantic relationship, a friendship, or even a new job, people who are emotionally guarded often show a fear of commitment. They might hesitate to make plans for the future or be vague about their commitments.

And it’s not because they’re laky or unreliable. It’s because they’re afraid of getting too emotionally attached or potentially getting hurt.

So, they keep things casual and non-committal. It’s another layer of their protective armor, safeguarding their emotions by avoiding situations that might demand a deeper emotional investment.

6) Difficulty trusting others

One of the hardest things to grasp is the deep-seated fear of trust that many emotionally guarded individuals grapple with.

They might have been burned in the past by trusting someone who ended up hurting them. As a result, they’ve built these emotional walls not to keep people out but to protect themselves from experiencing that pain again.

7) Overthinking

I’ve noticed that emotionally guarded people, including myself, often have a tendency to overthink.

Whether it’s replaying past conversations in our heads or worrying about the future, this constant over-analysis can be mentally exhausting.

There’s this unspoken dread of making mistakes or saying the wrong thing, which leads to a cycle of overthinking and second-guessing.

It’s as if you’re trying to anticipate every possible outcome to protect yourself from potential emotional harm.

8) Discomfort with compliments

Have you ever noticed some people squirm or quickly change the subject when complimented?

This discomfort is another common characteristic of emotionally guarded people.

They might brush off compliments or downplay their achievements. They appreciate the praise, but they are still uncomfortable receiving positive attention because they fear it comes with expectations they can’t meet.

9) They need understanding, not fixing

The most important thing to remember about emotionally guarded people is that they don’t need fixing, they need understanding.

They aren’t broken or damaged—they’re simply doing their best to protect themselves from emotional pain.

Being patient, offering a safe space for open communication, and respecting their boundaries can go a long way in helping them feel more comfortable with vulnerability.

In the end, it’s about creating a supportive environment where they feel understood rather than pressured to change.

Final thoughts: It’s about empathy

When it comes to those of us who are emotionally guarded, let’s remember that their defensive behaviors are not about us but about their own self-protection.

A quote by American author Stephen Chbosky resonates here, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” For emotionally guarded people, it might be a struggle to believe they deserve love and emotional intimacy due to past hurts or fears.

Remember, patience and understanding can go a long way in helping emotionally guarded individuals understand their feelings.

So, instead of trying to change them, offer support in their journey to becoming a more secure and emotionally stable person.

In the end, every one of us deserves to be treated with that kind of kindness.