They say being happy is a choice, but I think that’s a bit too simplistic for a subject as complex as emotional health. 

I mean, if happiness was a choice, we’d all be happy. Or most of us probably would, anyway.

Because depression still carries such a negative stigma it often goes unrecognized, and therefore untreated, for years. People suffering from concealed depression often battle their demons single-handedly because they don’t want to be judged or a burden to their loved ones.  

OK, that makes sense. But how can someone be unhappy, or even depressed, without giving up a single clue? 

They call it “smiling depression,” or high-functioning depression. Either way, you’ve got a depressed person working overtime to appear normal to the outside world no matter how wretched they feel. 

Here are habits common among those who are deeply unhappy even though they hide it well.

1) Changes in eating habits 

Is someone close to you eating too much or not enough? Or have your own eating habits become erratic? Changes in appetite can indicate depression. 

When some people feel down they turn to comfort eating, while others have no appetite at all.

I prefer to alternate between the two to keep it interesting.

Obviously, over or under-eating results in  weight changes that could be cause for concern. Poor nutrition can also adversely impact mood and energy levels.

If someone close to you is over or under-eating, they could be depressed even if they’re not consciously aware of it.

2) Increased substance use 

Some people suffering from mood disorders may self-medicate with alcohol or drugs so they can deal with painful emotions such as loneliness or hopelessness.

According to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA) reports that approximately 1 in 5 people who have anxiety or a mood disorder in the U.S. also abuse alcohol or drugs.

3) They’re always tired

Feeling tired all the time is a classic sign of depression. Research studies suggest that over 90% of people with depression experience excessive fatigue.

We all get tired, but people who are experiencing severe fatigue that they just can’t shake — especially if they also have other symptoms — may be depressed.

4) Difficulty concentrating

When someone consistently trails off during conversations and forgets what they were going to say in the middle of saying it, it  

may suggest problems with memory and concentration. 

These are classic symptoms of depression. Cognitive difficulties are a major component of  major depressive disorder (MDD).

Studies suggest that struggling with focus and concentration can exacerbate the already devastating social impact of depression. 

This impairment can significantly impact someone’s social life, romantic relationships, and career. And not in a good way.

5) Forgetful

Along with problems concentrating, another characteristic of an unhappy person is a tendency to be forgetful. 

I’ll attest to this. Sometimes I might be physically present in a room with you, but mentally I’m orbiting Pluto.

It’s not that I don’t care what you have to say. I do. I’m just overwhelmed by my inner voice rattling off all my worries and why I’m ill-equipped to deal with them. 

Sorry.

6) Depressive realism

Some experts hypothesize that people suffering from depression possess a trait called “depressive realism.” 

This term means that their worldview is more accurate when assessing situations and the amount of control they have over them than those without depression.

Some say that being more realistic (which usually is perceived as pessimistic)  than others could indicate depression, especially if other symptoms of depression are present.

You have to wonder what came first though. Does depression turn you into a realist, or does being a realist cause depression? 

7) Loss of interest 

The National Institute of Mental Health defines a “loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities” as one of the most common signs of depression. 

A person who’s disinterested in activities that they usually enjoy is one of the first indications of depression that their loved ones may pick up on. 

This also includes sex. If your once randy partner suddenly has no desire for sexual intimacy this could be because they are unhappy.

Changes in sex drive is a major factor when diagnosing depression. The more severe the depression, the more severe the sexual dysfunction. 

8) Personality changes

Some folks with smiling depression experience personality changes. They may behave uncharacteristically withdrawn and quiet, or become irritable or even angry.

Most people don’t equate anger and irritability with symptoms of depression, but mood changes are pretty common for those struggling with the condition. 

But instead of openly expressing their sadness, some people with hidden depression may appear crabby and caustic on the outside while they are desperately unhappy and craving connection on the inside.

9) They’ve abandoned all hope

If someone is suffering from depression, it’s hard for them to think positive thoughts. When you’re bogged down by hopelessness, sunshine and lollipops are an affront to your soul. 

These feelings of hopelessness kill your motivation and drive to succeed in life. Research studies have also found that people who feel hopeless have a higher risk of developing depression, so we have another “which came first” scenario here. 

10) Dwells on the worst-case scenario

I’m not hating on the overthinkers, because looking for potential problems is actually beneficial. Refusing to let up until you find an issue, even if you have to subconsciously fabricate it, is when it becomes a toxic trait. 

Envisioning the worst-case scenario circles back to depressive realism, or the ability to call them as you see them and then suffer the emotional fallout of your ability to grasp reality. 

11) Anxiety

My Gram used to call me a “worry wart,” because all I did was stress myself out over things I had little-to-no control over. 

That’s not a very productive use of one’s time, so it’s no surprise that chronic worry is often repressed unhappiness in disguise. 

When we’re not happy in the present and dread the future, we may find ourselves living in the past as a way to stave off anxiety.

When “now” is too overwhelming to deal with, mentally rewinding to happier times is your brain trying to protect itself. 

Anxiety is exhausting and relentless. Not surprisingly, it’s a major contributing factor to other habits associated with deep unhappiness, including irritability, anger, and fatigue, which we discussed earlier.

Final thoughts

The ability to recognize the characteristics of an unhappy person is important. 

Ignoring your unhappiness will snowball on you and lead to worsening health, both mental and physical, and the problematic interpersonal relationships that come along with it. 

So, identifying these signs in your loved ones, or yourself, facilitates timely intervention and prevents potential consequences including self-destructive behaviors. 

Acknowledging your unhappiness opens the door to receiving support from your loved ones or mental healthcare providers.

Dealing with depression head-on leads to mastering healthier coping strategies and an excellent shot at finding fulfillment and true happiness.