People who are deeply selfish usually display these 10 behaviors (without realizing it)

There’s a thin line between looking out for oneself and being outright selfish.
Selfishness, at its core, is about prioritizing one’s own needs and desires above everyone else’s, often oblivious to the impact on those around them.
People who are deeply selfish usually display several key behaviors, most times without even realizing it.
In my experience, it’s like these folks are reading from a script. These 10 behaviors are usually prevalent in them.
Let’s get started.
1) Me first, always
In any situation, there’s usually a balance between personal wants and the needs of others. However, deeply selfish individuals have a tendency to tip the scales in favor of their own desires.
This isn’t about taking care of oneself or ensuring self-care. It’s about consistently prioritizing personal needs and desires over those of everyone else, without giving it a second thought.
These folks might not even realize they’re doing it, but their ‘me first’ mentality becomes a recurring theme in their behaviors. Whether it’s choosing a restaurant, deciding on holiday destinations or splitting the bill, their preferences always seem to take center stage.
Selfishness at this level can often lead to conflicts and strained relationships.
If you notice someone always pushing their needs upfront without considering others, you might just be dealing with a deeply selfish person.
But remember, it’s not about blaming or labeling. It’s about understanding behaviors to better navigate social dynamics.
2) Lack of empathy
Another behavior I’ve noticed among deeply selfish people is a lack of empathy. They struggle to understand or share the feelings of others, and this often results in them disregarding the emotions and needs of those around them.
I remember a former colleague, let’s call him John. John was brilliant at his job, but he had this knack for making every team meeting about himself. He would often talk over others, disregard their ideas, and fail to acknowledge their contributions. It was as if he was the only person in the room.
Once, a team member was going through a personal crisis, and it was affecting her work performance. Instead of showing understanding or offering support, John complained about how her situation was slowing down the project. It was clear to me then that John lacked empathy, a trait I’ve come to associate with deep-seated selfishness.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. If someone consistently fails to show this, it might be a sign that they’re more focused on their own world than anyone else’s.
3) Difficulty in sharing
Sharing is a fundamental part of human behavior, deeply ingrained from childhood. It’s a social skill that allows us to build and maintain relationships. However, deeply selfish individuals often struggle with this concept.
Whether it’s possessions, time, or even emotional support, these individuals find it hard to part with their resources. They see sharing as a loss, rather than an opportunity to connect or contribute. It’s as if they’re always playing a zero-sum game where they must lose for someone else to gain.
And here’s something you might not know: according to psychological studies, children as young as three years old can grasp the concept of sharing and fairness. So when an adult consistently fails to share or consider fairness, it points towards deep-seated selfishness.
Recognizing this trait can help you understand the dynamics of your interactions and manage your expectations accordingly.
4) Constantly playing the victim
Have you ever noticed how some people always seem to be the victim, no matter the situation? This can often be a sign of deep-seated selfishness.
Selfish individuals have a knack for twisting narratives to suit their needs. They are experts at playing the victim card, constantly shifting blame and avoiding responsibility. If something goes wrong, it’s never their fault, and they’re always at the receiving end of life’s unfairness.
This behavior often stems from a need to protect their self-image and justify their actions. By playing the victim, they are able to dismiss feedback, ignore their own shortcomings, and continue prioritizing their needs above others.
While everyone can have a bad day or go through tough times, consistently playing the victim is often a sign of a deeper issue: selfishness. So if you notice someone always painting themselves as the unfortunate one, it might be time to reassess your understanding of their behaviour.
5) Disregard for boundaries
Respect for personal and emotional boundaries is essential in any relationship. However, deeply selfish individuals often disregard these boundaries to serve their own needs and desires.
These folks might insist on their way, regardless of your comfort level, or invade your personal space without a second thought. They might also dismiss your feelings or experiences if they don’t align with their own narrative.
This disregard for boundaries can manifest in many ways. It can be as subtle as overstepping during conversations, or as blatant as ignoring explicit requests for space or privacy.
Everyone has the right to set their own boundaries. If someone consistently crosses these lines without consideration or remorse, it could be a sign of deep-seated selfishness. Always trust your feelings when it comes to your personal boundaries.
6) Lack of genuine interest in others
We all love a good listener, someone who shows genuine interest in our stories, feelings, and experiences. It validates us, makes us feel seen and heard.
However, deeply selfish people often struggle with this. They tend to dominate conversations, steering them back to their own interests or experiences. They show little interest in what others have to say unless it directly benefits them.
This behavior isn’t about being shy or introverted. It’s about an inability to recognize and value the individuality and worth of others.
We all deserve to be heard and seen for who we are.
If you notice someone consistently ignoring your thoughts or feelings, remember it’s not a reflection of your worth but rather a sign of their selfishness. Your voice matters, and you deserve to be heard.
7) Unwillingness to compromise
Compromise is the backbone of any successful relationship, be it personal or professional. It signifies mutual respect and understanding, a willingness to meet halfway for the betterment of the relationship.
However, I’ve noticed that deeply selfish individuals often have a hard time with this. They have a ‘my way or the highway’ approach, expecting others to bend to their will.
I recall a past relationship where my partner was unwilling to compromise on even the smallest things. Whether it was choosing a movie to watch or planning a vacation, it always had to align with her preferences. Over time, this unwillingness to compromise took a toll on our relationship. It felt like my opinions and preferences didn’t matter.
The ability to compromise is essential in maintaining healthy relationships. If someone consistently refuses to meet you halfway, it could be a sign of deep-rooted selfishness.
Your thoughts and feelings are just as important and should be valued.
8) Overly generous on the surface
Generosity is often seen as a sign of selflessness. However, there’s a tricky side to it that can sometimes indicate the opposite.
Deeply selfish individuals can appear to be overly generous, often going out of their way to help others. But if you look closely, you might notice that their generosity often comes with strings attached. They might use their acts of kindness as leverage, expecting something in return or using it as a tool for manipulation.
This is not to say that all acts of generosity are signs of selfishness. Far from it. Genuine acts of kindness are selfless and come from a place of love and compassion. However, when generosity is used as a transactional tool, it could be a sign of deep-seated selfishness.
When someone seems overly generous, take a moment to observe. Is their kindness genuine, or does it feel like there’s an underlying expectation? Your intuition might reveal more than meets the eye.
9) Inability to celebrate others’ success
Celebrating others’ success is a sign of empathy and emotional maturity. It shows that we can put our own interests aside and be genuinely happy for someone else.
However, deeply selfish individuals often struggle with this. They might downplay others’ achievements, divert attention back to themselves, or even feel threatened by others’ success.
This behavior stems from a scarcity mindset, where they perceive someone else’s gain as their loss. They struggle to see the success of others as separate from their own worth or achievements.
If you notice someone who consistently fails to celebrate others’ successes or tries to overshadow them, it could be a sign of deep-seated selfishness.
Everyone’s journey is unique, and one person’s success does not diminish your own.
10) Ignoring others’ needs
At the heart of selfishness lies a disregard for the needs of others. Deeply selfish individuals often ignore or dismiss the needs and well-being of those around them, as long as their own needs are met.
This can be as simple as neglecting to ask how someone’s day was, or as significant as not being there for a friend in need. The underlying thread is the same – an inability to step outside their own world and consider the needs of others.
This behavior is perhaps the most telling sign of deep-seated selfishness. If someone consistently ignores your needs or those of others, it’s likely more than just an oversight. It’s a fundamental lack of consideration that is at the core of selfishness.
Food for thought: It’s about understanding
Human behavior is complex and multifaceted, and deeply rooted in a multitude of factors, including our upbringing, experiences, and even our brain chemistry.
Understanding the behaviors associated with deep-seated selfishness isn’t about labeling or finger-pointing. It’s about gaining insight into the dynamics that drive our interactions with others.
Renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When I look at the world I’m pessimistic, but when I look at people, I am optimistic.” This optimism stems from the belief that people have the capacity for change and growth.
Spotting these traits in someone doesn’t mean they are innately bad or beyond redemption. It simply highlights areas where they might need to grow and change.
So next time you encounter these behaviors, remember – understanding is the first step towards change. Whether it’s in ourselves or others, recognizing these traits can be a catalyst for growth, fostering better relationships, and contributing to a more empathetic world.
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