How do you spot an insecure person?

It isn’t always easy.

After all, insecure people are often secure about being insecure.

That leads them to try and hide their insecurities beneath a display of confidence.

But sooner or later, a person’s inner insecurities can start to become more obvious.

Especially if you know the signs to look out for.

Certain behaviors can give away a person’s fundamental insecurities.

Keep an eye out for these behaviors that are sure signs of somebody who, deep down, feels terribly insecure.

1) They are competitive

There’s nothing wrong with a little competition now and again. In fact, in some situations, it can be a good thing.

At the same time, there is something wrong with someone who turns everything into competition.

I used to know someone like that. I had a friend who turned everything into a competition.

Whether it was how much money he made or how many partners he had had, he used everything as an opportunity to show off how great he was and try make himself look better than everyone around him.

But actually, it had the opposite effect. It made him look extremely insecure and desperate for the approval of other people.

“Some people may have a secure sense of self, regardless of the situation, whereas others may have unstable or fragile self-esteem that varies depending on their last accomplishment or whom they are able to impress,” writes psychologist Melanie Greenberg.

“This results in anxiety and vigilance around social status and performance. They have to keep comparing themselves to others to make sure they are measuring up and haven’t fallen behind.”

In other words, highly competitive people are often deeply insecure.

Because they are incapable of validating themselves, they seek validation from others by trying to constantly ‘win’.

2) They seek approval

By the same token, insecure people are constantly seeking the approval of others.

Again, this happens because they don’t feel secure in themselves, and hope that by getting approval from others, they can make themselves feel more valued and secure.

This can manifest itself in lots of different ways.

As I talked about above, competitiveness is one aspect of this.

But it may also involve fishing for compliments from other people.

It can also make them highly driven, as they want to succeed in their career or in their leisure pursuits so that people will be impressed with them.

At the same time, it can make them highly indecisive.

Terrified of making the wrong choice, they will often struggle to make decisions and try to get opinions from everyone to see what others think they should do.

3) They get defensive when criticized

We all do this to some extent.

But the less secure a person is in themselves, the worse they are at handling criticism.

That’s because, for an insecure person, any criticism of their actions is a personal attack on them.

Because they struggle to value themselves properly and get most of their validation from other people, any criticism, even fairly mild criticism, is a threat to their sense of self.

That means that instead of taking criticism on board, an insecure person will try to argue.

They may deny that they are doing what people criticize them for, or even attack the person criticizing them, trying to invalidate anything they say with harsh criticisms of their own.

Unfortunately, this inability to accept criticism often leads to insecure people missing opportunities for growth and improvement.

4) They brag

Bragging often backfires, making people think less of the person doing it.

But that doesn’t keep it from being an extremely popular way for insecure people to try and boost their social standing with others.

An insecure person will often not hesitate to talk about themselves and their own achievements, even with people they don’t know particularly well.

That’s because they have a deep need for other people to be impressed by them to make up for the fact that they aren’t impressed by themselves.

An insecure person will brag about even fairly minor achievements in an attempt to get others to like them.

Whatever somebody else has done, you can guarantee they will have a story that involves them doing it better, bigger, or more impressive in some way.

And if they are really insecure, they may not be above lying to make themselves seem better in the eyes of others.

5) They avoid challenges

Ultimately, success comes from a person’s tolerance to risk and willingness to embrace new challenges.

But for insecure people, this is far too scary.

Insecure people don’t believe in their own ability to overcome challenges. For that reason, they will often avoid them.

Instead, they will stay in their comfort zone and rarely branch out.

That means they may stagnate in a particular job or spend their whole lives in their hometown because they are too scared to go somewhere else and try something new.

Unfortunately, this can become a feedback loop.

With no real achievements to boast about, insecure people are likely to feel even worse about themselves and their lack of success.

And because they have always taken the easy path, they never truly realize what they may be capable of.

Instead, they stay in a small pond and never reach the heights of their full potential.

6) They people-please

There are lots of different reasons why someone might people-please.

But often, it comes from a deep insecurity and need to be liked.

“For many, the eagerness to please stems from self-worth issues,” writes psychologist Amy Morin.

“They hope that saying yes to everything asked of them will help them feel accepted and liked.”

An excessive need to be liked and to please everyone can cause someone to have a hard time saying no to others.

They may agree to work unpaid overtime for their boss or let their family trample all over their boundaries because they are afraid of letting other people down.

So if you know someone who tends to put themselves and their needs last in favor of other people, it may be a sign of deep insecurity.

7) They are perfectionists

This is a lesser-known sign of insecurity that many people may be unaware they are showing.

Insecure people are often perfectionists.

That is because they are worried about being criticized for any perceived flaw in anything they do.

Instead of allowing things to be imperfect, they will work hard to get everything just right.

And often, their unrealistically high standards come from a fear of the judgment of others.

This perfectionist trait can often stop an insecure person from progressing in their life or in their career.

By waiting for everything to be perfect, they often miss out.

8) They over-analyze social interactions

“Why did she say that?”

“What did he mean?”

These are the kinds of questions an insecure person often asks themselves.

We all do this from time to time.

But insecure people are more prone to this kind of in-depth analysis of the motivations of others than most.

That’s because, once again, they need other people to like them.

Unable to provide their own validation, they seek it from other people, giving the opinions of others an inflated importance they don’t really deserve.

An insecure person will often obsess over the details of conversations they have had, trying to discover hidden meanings behind the things people say.

9) They are judgmental

Given that they are so afraid of the judgment of others, it might seem strange that insecure people often tend to be judgmental themselves.

However, this kind of judgment can often be a defense mechanism.

This is especially true when an insecure person is worried that someone doesn’t like them.

On the other hand, an insecure person may judge others harshly to deflect negative attention from themselves.

By criticizing other people’s appearance, way of speaking, or anything else about them, they hope that they can distract others from focusing on them.

10) They are jealous

Insecurity often leads people to being envious or even jealous of others.

For an insecure person, life is full of harsh judgments.

So when other people appear to be successful and happy, an insecure person may resent that.

Since they struggle to make themselves happy, they resent anybody else who seems to be able to do it.

Plus, they may be jealous of the achievements, relationships, or wealth of other people, wishing they had it for themselves.

11) They compare themselves with others

We all do this from time to time.

After all, thanks to social media, it’s never been easier to compare your life to other people’s highlight reels.

But as coach and wellness expert Susan Biali Haas points out, this kind of comparison leads to anxiety, stress, depression, and insecurity.

Insecure people often compare themselves with others negatively.

And this self-comparison can become a vicious circle.

The comparison upsets the insecure person, which makes them feel even more insecure, which leads them to compare themselves with others all over again.

Signs of insecurity

Insecure people often try to hide how insecure they really are from others.

But sooner or later, their behaviors give them away.

These traits can show you someone who is insecure and looks to others to make them feel better about themselves.

Keep an eye out for these behaviors, both in yourself and in the people around you.