People who are confident on the surface but insecure underneath often display these 8 specific behaviors
People who are confident on the surface but insecure underneath often display these 8 specific behaviors
Ever noticed how some people show their confidence by being loud, assertive, and a little over the top? Others are more about that quiet, understated confidence.
I enjoy people-watching and I’ve always been intrigued by the loud confident characters among us. There’s something that just doesn’t sit right with me. So I took a closer look.
Turns out: they may not be that confident after all and really, the ‘confidence’ they show is their way of hiding their true insecure nature.
It’s easy to feel envious of these people who seem to have it all figured out but in reality, they have doubts and insecurities just like the rest of us.
Today, I’m talking about 8 behaviors of people who seem confident but are actually insecure. This way, you can tell if someone’s really confident or just pretending.
Let’s jump in.
1) They brag and boast about how great they are
You know those people who just can’t stop talking about themselves?
They go on and on about where they’ve been and what they’ve experienced. And they also seem to be the hero in every story, even if they have to exaggerate the truth to look good.
Constant bragging and boasting like this is a tell-tale sign that underneath it all, they’re quite insecure. As noted by the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors, insecurity is the root of bragging.
Truly confident people don’t need the approval of anyone, they know who they are and believe in their abilities. They’re modest and they’d rather learn about other people than talk about themselves.
2) They hide behind humor
Remember Chandler Bing in the sitcom “Friends”? He was always cracking jokes and seemed like a confident, funny guy. In reality, he was using humor to distract from his discomfort and hide his insecurities.
He even references this himself when he says, “I’m Chandler. I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.”
And Chandler’s not the only one.
There are lots of people who hide behind humor. It’s as if jokes and laughs are their way of diverting attention away from their insecurities when things get too personal.
Do you have a Chandler in your life?
Chances are, they’re not as confident as they might seem, and being funny is their way of hiding how insecure they really are.
3) They seek validation from others
Seemingly confident people who brag, boast, and crack jokes all the time are all looking for the same thing; validation from others.
They have a constant need for reassurance from others that helps them to feel good about themselves. They have such low self-esteem that their validation doesn’t come from within. Instead, they find it externally through others.
Other typical signs you’ll see are things like fishing for compliments or overvaluing the importance of interactions on social media such as likes, comments, and shares.
This desperate need for affirmation from others is a sure sign that although outwardly displaying confidence, they’re crippled with insecurity underneath.
4) They can’t take a compliment
Have you ever noticed that although fake confident people, often fish for compliments, when they get them, they don’t know how to take them?
It reminds me of my old friend Ben. He could never take a compliment. He’d always awkwardly shrug it off or make a self-defeating joke. He seemed confident but wasn’t and struggled to accept genuine praise.
As outlined by a recent study, people who suffer from low self-esteem find it especially difficult to take compliments. They assume other people hold the same negative thoughts that they have about themselves.
As such, despite seeming confident on the outside, not being able to take a compliment is a sign of low self-esteem and general insecurity.
5) They lack personal boundaries
Can you think of anyone in your life who will agree with or say yes to everyone around them?
People like this show up to everything, party hard and they’re the last to leave. Sometimes viewed as the life and soul of the party, they’re everyone’s best friend.
The reality is: they struggle to say no and lack any real boundaries because they are desperate to be liked and want to avoid conflict at all costs.
If someone lacks boundaries it’s an indicator that all is not as it seems. Despite coming across as self-assured, they’re struggling with a confidence crisis underneath it all.
6) They flaunt expensive stuff
Are there any designer brand enthusiasts in your social circle?
These people are always on trend and have the most fashionable watches or designer handbags. They seem put together and confident at all times.
A lot of us look on in envy, wishing we could be more like these people, right?
Here’s the thing: people who flaunt expensive stuff and copy trends aren’t as secure in themselves as they appear. These behaviors suggest they’re more insecure than anything else.
When someone has low self-esteem, it can get tied up in things they own, like luxury goods.
The irony is, as outlined by Psychology Today, research has found that well-being declines the more materialistic someone becomes so this behavior is only adding to their problem.
7) They’re obsessed with social media
For some people, everything they do is for their socials. They spend more time getting the perfect selfie than enjoying the evening out. It’s like all of their self-worth is wrapped up in how they look.
Sound familiar?
These are the same people who portray an image that they’re happy and confident and everything is perfect. But it’s just that, a portrayal.
Behind the scenes, it’s a different story.
According to a recent article “Females who base their self-worth on their appearance tend to share more photos of themselves online to ultimately compete for attention. Sharing too many pictures of oneself is often associated with narcissism, but on the contrary, it can also be linked to low self-esteem.”
It’s not surprising that several studies indicate prolonged use of social media is linked with symptoms of depression and low self-esteem.
8) They’re not comfortable doing things alone
None of us want to do everything alone, but most of us are fine to do some things alone as it’s a necessary part of life, right?
People who portray confidence on the surface but are insecure underneath it all, have something else in common. They’re not comfortable doing things alone at all.
I first noticed this in my good friend who is one of these people who, seems confident but is very insecure. She’s not comfortable doing almost anything alone.
She prefers to have someone with her while doing daily activities like shopping or eating. And under no circumstances will she go to a social event alone. Even when there, she needs someone to go to the bar with her and the bathroom.
At first, I thought it was unique to her, but as I started observing others I realized it’s a common thing for people who suffer a lot with their insecurities.
Discomfort doing things alone is a telling sign someone is insecure no matter how confident they might seem.
The bottom line
Have you noticed any of these behaviors among your group of friends?
If so, there’s a good chance those people are less confident and more insecure than you might think.
It doesn’t matter how people look on the outside, things aren’t always as they seem. Keep this in mind and always treat people with kindness, they might need it more than you know.