Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there at least once in our life:

You meet someone who seems too good to be true. They’re charming, engaging, and just make you feel like the most important person in the room.

You’re drawn to them, and soon, you’re under their spell. But then, little by little, you start noticing things.

It might not be anything overt. It’s just these small, niggling doubts creeping in. You start to see that beneath the charm, there’s something not quite right.

1) They’re always playing the victim

There’s something very appealing about a person who seems to have been through a lot. You feel empathy, you want to comfort them, and you can’t help but be drawn into their story.

But if this person is constantly playing the victim, always blaming others for their misfortunes and never taking responsibility for their actions, it could be a subtle red flag.

Manipulative people often use victimhood as a way to gain sympathy and control others. They make you feel like you need to protect them, and before you know it, you’re bending over backwards to accommodate their needs while putting your own on the back burner.

This doesn’t mean that every person who has suffered is manipulative, but if they’re constantly playing the victim, it might be time to take a step back and assess the situation with a clear mind.

2) They make you feel guilty for the smallest things

I can’t count the number of times I’ve found myself apologizing for things that I’m not even sure are my fault.

It starts small. You’re late for a dinner date because of traffic, and suddenly you feel like you’ve let down the entire world. They say it’s fine, but you can see the disappointment in their eyes.

Then it gets bigger. You have to cancel plans because you’re not feeling well, and you’re made to feel like you’re the worst person alive.

It’s confusing, because they always seem so understanding at first. But then comes the guilt trip, and you’re left feeling like you’ve done something terrible when all you did was have a human moment.

Manipulative people have a way of making you feel guilty for the most insignificant things. It’s their tactic to keep you in check, to make you feel like you owe them something. It’s subtle, but it’s there, and it’s draining.

3) They often use flattery to get what they want

One thing I’ve come to notice is that manipulative people have a knack for making you feel like the center of the universe.

I remember this one person I used to know. They were charming, charismatic, and had the ability to make me feel like I was on top of the world. Their compliments were always timed perfectly, just when I needed a boost or when they wanted something from me.

It felt great at first, but then I realized something. The flattery always came with a catch. It was never just a genuine compliment; there was always some kind of favor or request attached to it.

It hit me when they once complimented my business sense, saying I was the most savvy person they knew. It felt good, until they followed it up with a request for a substantial loan.

That’s when I realized that their charm and compliments were not genuine. They were simply tools used to manipulate me into doing what they wanted.

4) They’re experts at reading people

Manipulative people have an uncanny ability to read others. They can pick up on the slightest cues and use them to their advantage. This isn’t something they’ve learned from a book or a course, but rather a skill they’ve honed over years of practice.

For instance, they can detect when you’re feeling insecure or vulnerable, and they’ll use this to their advantage by offering comfort or reassurance – all the while subtly nudging you towards doing what they want.

Psychologists call this emotional intelligence. It’s an ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions, but also to empathize with and influence the emotions of others. In the hands of a manipulative person, this becomes a powerful tool for control and manipulation.

It’s not always easy to spot, but once you’re aware of this pattern, it becomes much easier to identify when someone is using their emotional intelligence for manipulative purposes.

5) They have a habit of turning things around

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you’re trying to express your feelings or concerns, but somehow, by the end of it, you’re the one apologizing? This is a classic move in the manipulator’s handbook.

I remember once trying to confront a friend about how they’d been treating me. I had my points laid out, I was calm and collected. But by the end of our conversation, not only was I apologizing, but I was also thanking them for their ‘patience’ with me.

They had a way of twisting my words, making me second guess my feelings and perceptions. It was as if they had a mirror they could hold up that distorted everything I said, turning it back on me.

This is a subtle form of gaslighting, where manipulative people make you doubt your own experiences and emotions. It’s a tactic often used to deflect blame and maintain control, and it’s a red flag that shouldn’t be ignored.

6) They’re incredibly persuasive

Manipulative people are often very convincing. They have a way of making their ideas seem like the best, or even the only, option.

We all know that persuasion is a part of everyday life; we persuade our kids to go to bed on time, our colleagues to agree with our project proposal, or our friends to try out a new restaurant. But when someone uses their persuasion skills to manipulate others into doing things against their best interest, it becomes a problem.

Think about a time when you found yourself agreeing to something you initially didn’t want to do. How did you get there? Was it because the other person made a compelling argument, or did they use emotional manipulation to sway your decision?

If it’s the latter and it happens often with this person, it’s another subtle red flag that you shouldn’t overlook. Their persuasive nature may seem charming at first, but it can quickly turn into manipulation if you’re always bending to their will.

7) They’re always testing your boundaries

Boundaries are important in any relationship. They help maintain respect and understanding, and they protect our personal space and well-being.

But manipulative people have a way of pushing these boundaries, slowly and subtly, until they’re almost non-existent. They might start with small things, like asking you to cancel your plans to accommodate theirs, or borrowing something without asking.

Then it gets more serious. They might start making decisions for you, or expecting you to always be available for them.

Before you know it, you’re in a situation where your needs and wants are constantly being sidelined for theirs. And because the boundary-pushing was done so subtly, you might not even realize how far things have gone until it’s too late.

If someone is consistently disrespecting your boundaries, it’s a clear sign that they’re charming on the surface but manipulative underneath. It’s a red flag that should make you reconsider your relationship with them.

8) They make you feel drained

One of the most telling signs of a manipulative person is how you feel after spending time with them.

Are you energized, or do you feel like you’ve just run a marathon? Do you feel uplifted, or weighed down by negativity? Are you excited to see them again, or are you dreading it?

In my experience, manipulative people have this uncanny ability to drain the life out of you. You might not notice it at first because of their charming facade, but over time, the exhaustion sets in.

You’re constantly catering to their needs, walking on eggshells around them, questioning your own thoughts and feelings – it’s emotionally draining.

If spending time with someone leaves you feeling consistently exhausted and overwhelmed, it’s a glaring red flag. No matter how charming they might seem on the surface, the emotional toll they’re taking on you is not worth it. It’s a sign that beneath that charm, manipulation is at play.

Wrapping up

Navigating relationships can be a challenging terrain, especially with people who are charming on the surface but manipulative underneath. If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these subtle red flags, it’s time to pause and reflect.

This doesn’t mean you should immediately cut ties or confront them. It simply means you need to take a step back and evaluate your interactions with them. Are they serving your well-being or draining your energy?

Recognizing these signs is the first step towards protecting yourself from emotional manipulation. The next step is setting clear boundaries and learning to prioritize your own needs.

Remember, it’s okay to say no, it’s okay to express your feelings, and it’s okay to prioritize your own well-being over pleasing others. In fact, it’s not just okay, it’s necessary for your emotional health.

If you’re struggling to navigate this process, seeking professional help can be beneficial. Programs like the “Find Your Purpose Masterclass” by Justin Brown can provide guidance on how to find strength in vulnerability and transform perceived weaknesses into personal power.

The journey might be tough, but remember: you’re stronger than you think, and you’re not alone. Take each day as it comes, and with each step forward, no matter how small, you’re reclaiming your power from those who seek to manipulate it.