It’s not always easy to tell what’s going on beneath the surface.

You see, humans are masters at putting up fronts.

We’re experts at appearing calm, composed, and under control. But what happens when things aren’t as serene as they seem?

Let’s talk about those who appear calm yet are silently battling storms inside.

They often exhibit certain behaviors that can give away their internal struggle, if you know what to look for.

In this article, we’ll explore 9 of these tell-tale signs. So let’s dive in and uncover what lies beneath the calm exterior.

1) They’re overly focused on details

Appearances can be deceiving, and often those who seem the most composed struggle the most beneath the surface.

One common behavior they display is an overemphasis on details.

This might manifest as meticulousness in their work, obsessing over every minor aspect of a project, or constantly second-guessing their decisions.

Why does this happen? Well, it’s often an attempt to establish control.

When someone is facing internal chaos, they might compensate by trying to control every external detail they can.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing in moderation.

But if you notice someone excessively worrying about details that seem insignificant, it could be a sign of a deeper struggle.

Keep an eye out for this behavior; it’s one of the subtle ways turmoil can reveal itself beneath a calm exterior.

2) They’re usually quiet

In my own life, I’ve noticed that the people who are battling inner struggles often tend to be quieter than others.

Take my friend, Derek, for instance.

Derek is a man of few words.

He’s always been the quiet one in our group of friends, often preferring to observe rather than actively participate in conversations.

We all assumed that was just his personality until one day he opened up about his struggles.

He confessed that his silence was often a mask, hiding the internal turmoil he was experiencing.

He said that he found it difficult to express his feelings and emotions, and so he would often retreat into silence as a coping mechanism.

This behavior isn’t unique to Derek.

Many people who appear calm on the surface but are struggling underneath opt for silence.

They might fear their feelings will be dismissed if shared or simply find it too difficult to articulate what they’re going through.

So they stay quiet, carrying their burdens alone.

3) They’re often overly punctual

Timekeeping can offer fascinating insights into a person’s mental state.

Research has found that people who are always early or on time may be managing feelings of anxiety or fear.

They discovered that punctuality could be a coping mechanism, a way to maintain control in an uncertain world.

By always being punctual, individuals can feel like they’re controlling at least one aspect of their life, even if other areas feel chaotic.

4) They’re perfectionists

Perfectionism is another behavior often seen in those who are calm on the surface but struggling underneath.

Their goal of flawlessness and setting high-performance standards can be a mask to hide their internal struggle.

In many cases, this quest for perfection is fueled by a fear of failure or making mistakes.

They believe that if everything they do is perfect, they can avoid criticism and negative judgment.

It’s human to err.

Perfection is an unrealistic standard that no one can achieve.

If you notice someone in your life consistently pushing themselves to be perfect, they might be dealing with more beneath the surface than they let on.

5) They’re often self-deprecating

A self-deprecating sense of humor can be charming, and often, it’s just a sign of humility.

However, it can also be a defense mechanism for those who are dealing with internal struggles.

People who are calm on the surface but dealing with turmoil underneath might use self-deprecating humor to mask their pain or to lower expectations.

By making fun of themselves, they can control the narrative and keep people from probing too deeply into their lives.

Consider this: while a little self-deprecation can be healthy and humorous, pay attention if it becomes a habit or seems excessive.

It might indicate that the person is dealing with more than they’re letting on.

6) They’re always there for others

It’s a beautiful trait to be there for others in their times of need.

But have you ever noticed how some people are always the shoulder to cry on, but never seem to need one themselves?

Often, those dealing with internal struggles are the ones who are the most supportive to others.

They understand what it’s like to experience pain and hardship, and they don’t want others to go through it alone.

But the heartbreaking reality is that these individuals often neglect their own needs in the process.

They’re so focused on helping others that they forget to help themselves, keeping their own struggles hidden beneath a calm and helpful exterior.

So if you know someone who’s always supporting others but rarely asks for help themselves, check in on them.

They might be fighting battles they’ve never spoken of.

7) They’re often overly thoughtful

Once, I went through a tough period where everything felt overwhelming.

During this time, I found myself constantly thinking about the people I cared about.

I would remember their favorite snacks and show up with them, write them notes of appreciation, or send texts to let them know I was thinking about them.

From the outside, it may have looked like I was just being thoughtful.

But in reality, focusing on others was a way to distract myself from my own internal battles.

This is common among those who are struggling underneath a calm exterior.

They tend to be extra considerate and put a lot of thought into their interactions with others.

It’s as if by making others feel good, they can somehow alleviate their own pain.

8) They’re often lost in thought

People who are calm on the surface but struggling underneath often spend a lot of time in their own heads.

They may appear distant or daydreamy, lost in their thoughts even in the middle of a conversation.

This isn’t necessarily a sign of rudeness or disinterest. More often, it’s a symptom of their internal battle.

Their mind might be preoccupied with worries, fears, or anxieties that they’re trying to manage.

So the next time you notice someone frequently zoning out or seeming distant, be patient with them.

It could be that they’re dealing with something much bigger on the inside.

9) They’re good at hiding their feelings

Above all, one of the most common behaviors of people who are calm on the surface but struggling underneath is their ability to hide their true feelings.

They’ve mastered the art of masking their pain with a smile, ensuring that the world sees only their calm exterior.

This doesn’t mean they’re being dishonest. It’s often a survival mechanism, a way to cope with their struggles without burdening others.

Just because someone appears okay, it doesn’t always mean they are.

It’s important to look beyond the surface, to be patient, understanding, and supportive.

Because sometimes, the people who seem the strongest are the ones who need our support the most.

Final thoughts

In the end, understanding human behavior is a complex process, deeply intertwined with our personal experiences, emotions, and coping mechanisms.

Those who appear calm on the surface but are struggling internally often exhibit these behaviors as a way to manage their inner turmoil.

Everyone copes differently, and what might be a sign of struggle for one person could be entirely normal for another.

The most important takeaway is empathy.

Understanding that not everyone who smiles is happy, not everyone who is quiet is at peace, and not everyone who appears strong is free from struggles is crucial.

We must strive to look beyond the surface, to offer kindness and understanding even when it’s not asked for.

After all, you never know what battles someone might be fighting beneath their calm exterior.