I’ve often wondered what it is about certain people that makes them need to have the last word.

I mean, we all know at least one person who will argue a point until they’re blue in the face, even when everyone else has already moved on.

It’s almost like they’re stuck on some never-ending quest for verbal victory.

I’ve found myself in those conversations, too—where you can’t help but think, “What’s really going on here?”

Because there is definitely something underneath that urge to always have the final say. If you’ve ever left a debate feeling more exhausted than enlightened, you’re not alone.

It turns out, those who need to get the last word often share a few telling traits, and understanding them might just change the way you see your next argument.

1) They’re often highly competitive

We all know that one person who turns every conversation into a competition.

They don’t just want to express their viewpoint, they are determined to get the last word in.

Often, these individuals have a highly competitive nature. They view arguments not as a chance for mutual understanding or resolution, but as a contest that needs to be won.

This need to ‘win’ every discussion can stem from various factors.

It might be an ingrained habit from childhood, a coping mechanism, or simply the result of an overly competitive personality.

However, communication is not a zero-sum game.

True winners in an argument are those who can empathize, understand, and reach a beneficial resolution – not just those who get the last word in.

2) They tend to be stubborn

In my own experience, I’ve noticed that people who always need to have the last word often display a stubborn streak.

I remember a friend of mine, let’s call him Jack. Jack was the type of person who could never back down from an argument.

Even when he was clearly wrong, he’d stick to his guns and insist on having the last word.

One time, we were arguing about a movie plot. Despite everyone else in the room agreeing with me and even pulling up evidence online, Jack refused to admit he was wrong.

He insisted on his version of the story until everyone else just gave up.

This stubborn insistence on having the last word wasn’t about the truth of the matter, but about Jack’s unwillingness to admit he might be wrong.

Often, this trait can make conversations with such people feel more like a battle than a healthy exchange of ideas.

3) They can be highly assertive

Assertiveness is often seen as a positive trait. It helps us stand up for our rights, express our needs, and establish boundaries.

But like any trait, when it’s taken to an extreme, it can become problematic.

People who always need to have the last word in an argument often rank high on the assertiveness scale.

But here’s the thing: there’s a fine line between healthy assertiveness and aggressive behavior.

While being assertive means expressing oneself in a respectful manner, being overly assertive can veer into the territory of ignoring other people’s perspectives and forcing one’s own viewpoint onto others.

So, when dealing with someone who always needs the last word, keep in mind that their assertiveness might just have crossed the line into aggressiveness. 

4) They often struggle with insecurity

It might seem counterintuitive, but needing to have the last word can often be a sign of underlying insecurity.

When individuals are secure in their views and confident in their worth, they typically don’t feel a pressing need to always be right or to dominate every conversation.

They’re comfortable with differences in opinion and don’t view them as threats.

On the other hand, those who are insecure may use the last word as a form of defense, a way to validate their worth or prove their intelligence.

They might fear that admitting they’re wrong or allowing someone else to have the final say would diminish their value in the eyes of others.

So if you find yourself dealing with someone who consistently needs to have the last word, just know that their behavior might stem from a place of insecurity.

5) They crave control

Whether we like to admit it or not, we all crave a certain level of control in our lives.

It’s a basic human need, giving us a sense of security and stability. But for some individuals, this need for control extends into their conversations and arguments.

These people often feel that by having the last word, they’re maintaining control over the situation.

It’s like a safety blanket, a way to steer the direction of the conversation and ensure it ends on their terms.

But life is unpredictable and messy, and no amount of verbal control can change that.

Often, these individuals are fighting an inner battle to accept this uncertainty.

It’s heartbreaking in a way – this futile attempt to control what is inherently uncontrollable.

The next time you encounter someone who always needs to have the last word, remember this. They might just be trying to navigate through their fear of uncertainty, one conversation at a time.

6) They struggle with listening

There’s a saying I’ve always found insightful: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

This rings particularly true for individuals who always insist on having the last word.

I’ve been guilty of this myself. In the past, during heated discussions, I’d find my mind racing to form a response while the other person was still speaking.

I was more concerned about what I was going to say next than actually absorbing their point of view.

This lack of active listening can create a communication barrier. It shifts the focus from understanding and empathizing to simply reacting.

If you’re dealing with someone who always needs to have the last word, it might be that they are not truly listening. Their rush to respond could be hindering them from genuinely understanding your viewpoint.

7) They may have a fear of silence

Silence can be uncomfortable for many of us. In the midst of an argument, silence can feel even more unnerving.

For those who always need to have the last word, silence might be something they fear. They fill in the gaps, not allowing a moment’s pause, just to avoid that perceived awkwardness.

But silence isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In many cases, it provides a moment to reflect, to digest what’s been said, and to respond thoughtfully rather than reactively.

If you’re dealing with someone who can’t handle silence in an argument, remember this fear might be driving their need for the last word. Offering them reassurance and patience can go a long way.

8) They typically struggle with empathy

At the heart of every productive conversation lies empathy.

It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, to step into their shoes and see things from their perspective.

Unfortunately, those who always need to have the last word often struggle with this trait.

Their focus on ‘winning’ the argument often overshadows their capacity to empathize with the other person’s viewpoint.

This lack of empathy can create a disconnect, making conversations feel more like confrontations.

If you find yourself dealing with someone who always needs to have the last word, empathy might be the missing piece in their conversational puzzle.

Final thoughts

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from a lifetime of people-watching (and let’s face it, a few heated debates of my own), it’s that communication isn’t a sport where someone gets to win.

It’s an art form—a give-and-take that asks us to listen just as much as we speak.

And for those who always need that last word, maybe the problem isn’t with the argument itself, but with what’s at stake for them beneath the surface.

Maybe they want to feel heard, seen, or just plain be right—who knows?

But whatever the reason, it’s clear that the drive to have the last say has more to do with what’s going on inside than anything you could say to change their mind.

So the next time you find yourself in a back-and-forth with someone who refuses to let it drop, try a different approach. Let them have it.

I’ve found that sometimes, letting go of the need to prove a point is the strongest move you can make.

It doesn’t mean you’ve “lost”—it just means you’ve chosen peace over a verbal tug-of-war. And really, isn’t that a kind of win, too?