Someone tries to help you and it’s nice, right? Except it isn’t.

Something just seems off about their offer to help. The comments they make afterward and the way their “help” makes you feel is somewhat unnerving.

If that’s how you feel right now, the person you’re dealing with might not be genuine.

They might be acting helpful just so they can manipulate you – and your gut is trying to tell you that!

People who are fake nice to get something from you will do certain things – so watch out for these 8 behaviors!

1) Their offers to help are always over the top

First up, if someone isn’t just helping out of the kindness of their heart, their offers to help might be a little bit too keen.

They might go out of their way to help you (like, really, out of the way!) and it’ll be a little strange. Or they might insist on it, even if you decline.

When someone displays this kind of behavior, it’s rarely genuine. Most people who offer help are doing it to be nice, but won’t push it if you say no.

I know I certainly wouldn’t push someone if I had nothing to gain from being involved!

So if someone tries too hard to involve themselves in what you’re doing, doesn’t take no for an answer, or goes a little too over the top with their offers to help – watch out.

It might not just be kindness and helpfulness they’re interested in…

2) They know things they shouldn’t

Say you’re at work organizing papers. A coworker comes over and offers to help.

“I thought I’d help because I know you’ve got your interview for the promotion tomorrow and must be stressed”, they say while helping.

It sounds like a nice, thoughtful thing to say. But the thing is, you never told them you were going for the job. In fact, you didn’t tell anyone!

When someone has inside knowledge like this, their offers to help might not be as genuine as they appear.

They may be trying to get information from you because they’re going for the job, too. Or just want confirmation that you have actually gone for the job.

They might even be trying to get in your head and make you feel nervous – so they can do better at the interview tomorrow and get the job over you!

3) They ask a lot of unnecessary questions

Some people are just very curious – but be careful around someone who asks too many questions!

They might seem helpful or just interested in your life, yet secretly they might be trying to get information out of you.

I’ve had this before in an office job. A coworker asked me lots of random questions one day. It was only a few weeks later when I saw her name next to a project idea I’d had that I realized what she’d done!

When someone is prying into what you’re doing, what you plan to do, what you believe, how you feel, and the ideas you have, stay vigilant – especially at work.

They might simply be asking these questions to help. Or they might be asking so they can steal your ideas, snitch on what you say, or make you question yourself…

4) They withhold information from you

“I’m not telling”.

“It’s a secret!”.

Have you ever heard someone say these things when you ask questions? They might just be joking around. But they might also be manipulating you to get what they want!

I remember when a colleague asked to be involved in my work once. They seemed interested in what I was doing, so I answered their questions openly.

But when I started asking questions back at them, they got real secretive, real fast!

Even the most basic questions (like why they wanted to help or why they wanted to know the answers to certain things) were a big secret.

Sometimes they’d make it obvious they were holding back by saying something like the above! Other times they’d just ignore my questions or answer them bluntly.

Either way, if someone gets shady, secretive, or dismissive when you ask questions – or just doesn’t give you much information in return – it could be cause for concern.

5) They pressure you into doing things

People make suggestions all the time. Sometimes it’s nice. Sometimes it’s a little annoying. If you’ve ever wanted to eye roll after someone suggests something to you, you probably know what I mean by that!

Most people make suggestions out of the kindness of their hearts. They just like something or know something worked for them, and want to share the love.

But not everyone thinks this way. A manipulative person knows these suggestions aren’t helpful. They simply want you to do them because it’s what they want. Or because it’ll benefit them in some way if you do it.

So they suggest this and that – and they keep on doing it. If you decline, they’ll ask “Why not?”. If you explain, they’ll try to convince you otherwise.

Be careful of people like this. They might not be as helpful as they seem and they might have an ulterior motive for what they’re suggesting!

6) They keep score

What happens after this person lends you a hand? Do they make out like you owe them? Do they list the things they’ve done for you now?

I had someone help me with something once (they offered, I accepted). Afterward, they said I could return the favor by doing [X] for them. I was shocked!

Genuinely helpful people don’t keep score. They don’t do favors for you so you do one for them in return. They just do them to be helpful.

Only a manipulative person tries to trap you into doing something for them. In my experience, it’s a little hard to get out of doing the favor when they say this (which they know).

I always find it best to play it off as a joke, “What do you mean I owe you? You offered to help!”, I might say. Or in a more serious situation, I’ll say, “Maybe, we’ll see” – and change the subject.

7) They turn their charm on and off

One minute they’re being super helpful and nice. But the next minute, their voice is laced with threat!

People who act this way probably aren’t as genuine as they seem. Their niceties are just an act, and it’s why they can’t keep it up for long.

You might notice this behavior one-on-one. Like if they’re being helpful and as soon as you tell them what they want to know, they stop immediately and walk away.

Or their on-off charm might be more noticeable in how they treat others. When talking to you, they’re being nasty and cruel about Jerry. But when Jerry comes over, they’re being super charming and lovely!

Few people like this can truly be trusted. They’re either two-faced, manipulative, or just a little bit mean!

8) They appear panicked at unexpected times

When someone’s helpfulness is just for show, there might be cracks.

If they’re about to be caught out, they might get defensive or appear nervous (when there wouldn’t be any reason for it if they were being genuine!). 

Like if they’re trying to get you to do their work for them in the office. If you ask an innocent question and they get defensive, this is suspicious behavior.

Or if you say you’re going to check something or speak to someone before starting the work, and they look panicked. They tell you not to do it or ramble an excuse!

Both these behaviors could suggest that they’re on edge about getting caught out for what they’re trying to do to you. I.e., manipulate you!

Final thoughts

Disingenuous people are everywhere, and they aren’t always easy to spot.

But not everything is what it seems. Some people say or do things they don’t mean, and things are interpreted wrong.

So they might not really be manipulating you. They might have just said the wrong thing!

My rule is to always give people the benefit of the doubt.

But if I get a bad gut feeling about someone, I’ll stay alert. I’ll watch my back. I’ll limit my trust in them temporarily. I might even talk to them about it if it’s appropriate.

Because if something seems off about someone, you should trust your gut – and keep an eye out for these sneaky behaviors!