Have you ever wondered why some children seem to doubt themselves more than others?

While many factors contribute to a child’s self-esteem, sometimes we parents unknowingly play a role in undermining their children’s confidence. Despite our best intentions, certain behaviors can subtly chip away at a child’s sense of self-worth.

Today, we’ll explore eight such behaviors.

1) Overprotection

As parents, it’s hardwired in us to safeguard our children from harm and disappointment.

This protective instinct, although well-intentioned, can sometimes morph into overprotection.

Overprotection can inadvertently signal to your child that the world is a dangerous place and they’re not equipped to handle it. As noted by experts like those at Choosing Therapy, this is associated with ” problems related to low self-esteem, poor attachment with primary caregivers, and limited problem-solving skills.”

It’s important for children to face challenges and learn from their own mistakes. This is how they build resilience and confidence.

Don’t rob your child of these opportunities by stepping in too early or too often. Your role as a parent is not to shield them from the world, but to prepare them for it.

2) Constant criticism

We all recognize the importance of constructive feedback in our lives. As a parent, I understand that it’s crucial for my child’s growth.

However, I once found myself in a situation where my child was hesitant to share his school project with me. On asking the reason, he confessed that he felt I would only point out the flaws and not appreciate the hard work he had put into it.

That was a wake-up call for me.

I realized that constantly criticizing, even with the intent of helping them improve, can actually harm their confidence. It made my son feel like he was never good enough.

From that day onwards, I made a conscious effort to balance criticism with praise and recognition of efforts.

It’s not just about what they could do better but also about celebrating what they did right. This small shift can make a huge difference in their confidence level.

3) Comparisons

We’ve all heard phrases like “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” or “Your cousin always gets A’s in math.”

Comparison, although used as a motivation tool, can have the opposite effect.

As  Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” This applies to your kids, too. It can make them feel inferior, leading to a decline in their self-esteem.

This can impact their relationships with their peers and siblings and also their academic performance.

Each child is unique with their own strengths and weaknesses. Appreciate their individuality instead of comparing them to others. This fosters confidence and encourages them to embrace their uniqueness.

4) Neglecting their interests

Every child is born with a unique set of interests and talents.

As parents, it’s important to identify these talents early on and nurture them. This can play a vital role in boosting their confidence.

However, sometimes parents unintentionally neglect their child’s interests, especially if they don’t align with their own or what they perceive to be “valuable” skills.

Disregarding your child’s interests can send a message that their passions aren’t important or worthy. This can lead to a drop in their self-esteem.

Whether your child is passionate about football, painting, or bug collecting, take an interest in what they love. Your support will provide a strong foundation for their self-confidence.

5) Dismissing their feelings

We’ve all had one of those days where everything seems to go wrong, right?

Picture one of those. Now, imagine being told that your feelings about such a day are invalid or unimportant.

That’s how a child feels when their emotions are dismissed. Dismissing a child’s feelings can make them feel that their emotions are not valid or important.

As widely noted by experts like Annie Tanasugarn, a doctor of psychology and Certified Clinical Trauma and Relationship Specialist, “Childhood invalidation can lead to later feelings of insecurity, deep depression, and an unstable sense of self-identity.”

The point is that it’s crucial to validate your child’s feelings, even if they seem trivial to you. Whether they’re upset about a broken toy or a playground squabble, show empathy and understanding.

To them, these feelings are very real and significant. By acknowledging their emotions, you’re teaching them that it’s okay to feel and express their emotions confidently.

6) Lack of autonomy

Growing up, my parents always made it a point to involve me in household decisions. Whether it was choosing the color of our living room walls or planning our yearly summer vacation, my opinion was valued.

This sense of autonomy boosted my confidence and made me feel like an important part of the family.

However, not allowing children to make their own decisions can hinder their confidence. It sends a message that their opinions and choices are not valuable or trusted.

Give your child the freedom to make age-appropriate decisions. Let them choose their clothes, plan their birthday party, or decide on weekend activities.

These small steps can go a long way in fostering their confidence and decision-making skills.

7) High expectations

All parents want their children to succeed. However, setting the bar unrealistically high can do more harm than good.

When expectations are too high, children may feel pressured to meet them and fear the consequences of failure. This constant pressure can result in anxiety and a lack of confidence.

It’s crucial to set realistic expectations for your child, ones that challenge them but are also achievable and celebrate their inputs. As noted by Dr. Michelle P. Maidenberg, when we “focus on effort rather than results” we can foster more confidence in our children. 

8) Lack of praise and encouragement

Children thrive on praise and encouragement. It helps them develop a positive self-image and boosts their confidence.

When a child’s efforts and achievements go unnoticed, they may start to feel that they’re not good enough or that their efforts don’t matter. This can severely undermine their confidence.

Make it a point to acknowledge your child’s efforts, no matter how small they may seem. A simple “I’m proud of you” or “You did a great job” can work wonders for their self-esteem.

Every child deserves to feel valued, capable, and loved. Your words of praise and encouragement can be the fuel that powers their confidence.

Final thoughts: It’s a learning journey

Whether it’s acknowledging their feelings, nurturing their interests, or simply giving them the space to make mistakes and learn from them – every small change can have a significant impact.

Remember, your words and actions are the mirror in which your child sees their own worth. Make sure it reflects confidence, resilience, and unconditional love.