You know, my psychology professor used to drop these pearls of wisdom every now and then.

One that particularly stuck with me was, “Not all that glitters is gold.” Especially when it comes to relationships.

Sure, they all start great, don’t they? You’re head over heels in love and everything seems perfect.

But then, over time, the shine wears off and you start noticing things that weren’t there before. Or perhaps, they were, but you just didn’t see them.

Psychology teaches us that some signs of an unhealthy relationship aren’t as glaringly obvious as you’d think. In fact, they’re often so subtle that you might shrug them off as trivial quirks or minor flaws.

But hey – if you’re here asking yourself “Are there red flags I’m missing in my relationship?”, then this article is for you.

1) Avoidance of difficult conversations

Let’s kick things off with this one. It’s human nature to steer clear of conflict, right? We’d rather keep the peace than dive into a difficult conversation.

But here’s the catch.

In a healthy relationship, both parties should feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings, even when it’s tough. It’s how you grow, as individuals and as a couple.

So, if you notice that your partner consistently dodges serious discussions or difficult topics, that’s a red flag. This avoidance could be a sign they’re not willing to put in the effort required to maintain emotional intimacy.

And trust me, it’s not just about heated arguments or disagreements. Even something as simple as discussing future plans or personal insecurities can become a no-go zone.

2) Constant criticism and belittlement

This one hits close to home for me. I once dated someone who, looking back now, was a master of subtle criticism.

She’d point out my quirks in a joking manner, making me feel like I was too sensitive if I got upset. “Why do you always take things so seriously?” she’d ask, brushing it off like it was no big deal.

But here’s the thing.

Over time, those seemingly harmless jabs started affecting my self-esteem. I began questioning myself over trivial things. The way I laughed, the way I ate, even the way I dressed.

And you know what? That’s not okay.

In a healthy relationship, your partner should lift you up, not bring you down.

Yes, constructive criticism is a part of any relationship. But there’s a world of difference between helping someone grow and making them feel small.

So, if you find yourself constantly on the receiving end of criticism that makes you feel less than, take note. It’s not as innocent as it seems.

3) The silent treatment as a weapon

We all need time to process our emotions. But when silence becomes a tool for punishment, that’s when alarm bells should start ringing.

Think about it.

If your partner is upset and they choose to shut you out instead of talking things through, what does that say? It’s not just about avoiding confrontation. It’s a form of manipulation, a power play.

Silence can be deafening, can’t it? It can leave you feeling anxious, guilty, and desperate for any form of communication.

And that’s the point, isn’t it? To make you feel so uncomfortable that you’ll do anything to break the silence.

But here’s the truth.

In a healthy relationship, both parties should feel safe enough to express their emotions openly.

Using silence as a weapon is a far cry from that safe space. It’s a control tactic, one that psychologists recognize as a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

4) Disregard for personal boundaries

Boundaries, my friend, are crucial in any relationship. They help maintain respect and understanding between two individuals.

Imagine this.

You’ve had a grueling day at work. All you want is to unwind with a cup of tea and a good book. But your partner insists on hashing out weekend plans right then and there. You try to explain, but they just don’t get it or choose not to.

Sounds familiar?

This is a subtle yet telling sign of an unhealthy relationship. By disregarding your personal boundaries, they’re essentially communicating that their needs and desires are more important than yours.

What’s more, over time, this lack of respect for your personal space can chip away at your sense of self, making you feel like you’re losing control.

Psychology tells us that healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect and understanding.

If your partner consistently tramples over your boundaries, it’s time to rethink whether this relationship is as healthy as you thought.

5) One-sided decision making

In the animal kingdom, there are species where one individual calls all the shots. Take meerkats, for instance. They have a dominant alpha pair that makes all the decisions for the group.

But here’s the kicker.

We’re not meerkats.

In a healthy human relationship, decisions should be made together, especially when they impact both parties. It’s about respect, it’s about equality.

If you notice that your partner always makes decisions without consulting you, whether it’s about weekend plans or more significant matters like financial decisions, take heed.

This could indicate a power imbalance in your relationship where one person’s input is valued over the other’s.

Relationship is a partnership. You are an equal player in this game of life, and your voice should be heard and respected. 

6) Lack of support during tough times

Life has a funny way of throwing curveballs at us, doesn’t it? And during these trying times, we all need a shoulder to lean on. That’s where our partners should come in.

Imagine this.

You’ve just had a really bad day. Maybe you lost a client at work, or perhaps your favorite pet is sick. You’re feeling down. You need comfort, understanding, a listening ear.

But instead of offering support, your partner dismisses your feelings or, worse, turns the attention back to them.

It’s heartbreaking, isn’t it?

Psychology underscores the importance of emotional support in a relationship. It’s about being there for each other, through thick and thin.

If your partner can’t be your safe haven during tough times, then this might be a sign of an unhealthy dynamic.

7) Feeling constantly drained

Here’s the most important thing you need to know: Relationships should energize you, not drain you.

If being around your partner or even just thinking about them exhausts you, that’s a sign. A big one. It could mean you’re constantly walking on eggshells, or that the relationship is causing you more stress than joy.

A relationship should be a source of strength, a place where you can let your guard down and be your true self without fear of judgment or criticism.

So if you’re feeling constantly drained, take it seriously. It might just be the most glaring non-obvious sign that your relationship is far from healthy.

Life’s too short to spend it with someone who saps your energy instead of boosting it. You deserve happiness and peace. Don’t settle for anything less.

Reflection and moving forward

Recognizing that you’re in an unhealthy relationship is a hard pill to swallow. But if you’re finding yourself nodding along to these signs, know that you’re not alone. And more importantly, it doesn’t have to stay this way.

Don’t ignore these signs, however subtle they may be. Instead, use them as a compass, guiding you towards healthier dynamics.

Change won’t happen overnight. It takes time and patience. But each small step towards healthier interactions is a victory in itself.