Finding your soulmate is a bit like searching for that perfect pair of jeans—you want them to fit just right, bring out your best, and make you feel comfortable in your own skin.

But here’s the thing: when it comes to love, too many of us settle for “good enough” instead of holding out for the one who truly complements our soul.

I’m Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and your trusted guide in navigating the world of romance. When it comes to finding your soulmate, there are a few qualities that should never be compromised.

In this article, I’m diving into the eight essential, non-negotiable traits that you should absolutely insist on in your soulmate.

Because, let’s be honest—real love isn’t about settling. It’s about finding someone who not only fits into your life but makes it infinitely better.

Let’s explore what qualities you should be waiting for, because true love is always worth the wait.

1) Genuine kindness

Let’s begin with the basics.

Kindness is one of those qualities that doesn’t get enough credit when we talk about relationships. It’s often overshadowed by more glamorous traits like passion, charisma, or physical attraction.

But let me tell you, as a seasoned guide in the world of love, genuine kindness is the unsung hero of long-lasting relationships.

Think about it. Wouldn’t you rather spend your life with someone who treats you with respect, cares about your feelings, and goes out of their way to make you happy?

This is not to say that other traits aren’t important. But kindness is a foundational quality that holds everything together. It’s the glue of a relationship.

So when you’re on the lookout for your soulmate, pay attention to how they treat others. Are they kind to the waiter at the restaurant? Do they show empathy for people who are going through tough times?

These little acts of kindness will give you a glimpse into their character – and that’s what really matters in the long run.

2) Honesty and transparency

In my journey of love and relationships, I’ve come to understand one thing – honesty is the cornerstone of any lasting bond.

I can’t stress this enough: If you want a relationship that stands the test of time, you need to find someone who values honesty and transparency as much as you do.

Real honesty means being open, staying true to yourself, and having the courage to share your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.

Look for someone who isn’t afraid to express their feelings, admit their mistakes, or stand up for what they believe in.

This level of honesty and transparency shows character and courage, two qualities that are vital in a soulmate.

3) Emotional independence

This one might surprise you – but hear me out.

In my years of working with couples and writing about love, I’ve learned that emotional independence is a key ingredient to a healthy relationship.

It’s about being able to stand on your own two feet, knowing your worth, and not depending on someone else for your happiness.

This doesn’t mean you can’t rely on your partner for support or comfort. It simply means that you should be able to find happiness within yourself, regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or not.

Ironically, it’s when we’re emotionally independent that we’re able to form the most fulfilling relationships. This is because we’re choosing to be with someone out of love, not out of need.

I delve into this topic in greater detail in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

It’s a guide for anyone who wants to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships without losing their sense of self.

So when you’re looking for your soulmate, make sure they’re someone who values their own emotional independence – and respects yours too.

4) Acceptance of imperfections

In today’s world of Instagram filters and social media highlight reels, we often fall into the trap of seeking perfection. We want the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect body – and yes, the perfect partner.

But here’s the thing: perfection doesn’t exist.

In fact, I’d argue that it’s our quirks, our flaws, and our odd little habits that make us uniquely lovable. They make us human.

So when you’re looking for your soulmate, don’t look for someone who checks every box on your ‘perfect partner’ list. Instead, look for someone who loves and accepts you for who you are – imperfections and all.

Yes, it’s important to have standards and to know what you’re looking for in a partner.

But it’s equally important to understand that real love isn’t about finding a ‘perfect’ person. It’s about finding an imperfect person, and loving them perfectly.

Embrace the imperfections, in yourself and your partner. They’re what make your love story uniquely yours.

5) Shared values

In my early dating years, I was drawn to people who were exciting and different. I thought that love was all about finding someone who could show me a new way of looking at the world.

And while that can certainly be part of it, I’ve come to realize that shared values are incredibly important in a long-term partnership.

You see, when the excitement of the honeymoon phase fades, it’s your shared values that will keep you connected.

It’s your shared vision of what you want your life to look like that will keep you moving in the same direction.

Do you both value family? Do you share the same religious or spiritual beliefs? Do you have similar views on money and finances?

These are the types of questions that can help determine whether you and your potential soulmate will be able to build a life together that is satisfying and fulfilling for both of you.

6) Willingness to communicate

Real talk – relationships are hard work. They require effort, patience, and a whole lot of communication.

No matter how in tune you and your partner are, there will be times when you misunderstand each other, hurt each other’s feelings, or just plain disagree on something.

And that’s okay. The important thing is how you handle these situations.

If you’re with someone who shuts down when things get tough, who refuses to discuss their feelings, or who would rather ignore a problem than face it head on, you’re going to have a tough time building a lasting relationship.

Your soulmate should be someone who isn’t afraid to express their feelings and who is willing to talk through issues with you.

Someone who understands that open and honest communication is the key to solving problems and strengthening your bond.

It’s not always easy, but trust me – it’s worth it.

7) A sense of humor

In my opinion, one of the most overlooked qualities in a soulmate is a sense of humor.

Life is full of ups and downs, and having someone by your side who can make you laugh through the tough times is a blessing.

Mark Twain once said, “The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” Couldn’t agree more!

I’ve found in my own relationships that laughter not only eases stress and tension but also brings you closer to your partner. It creates shared memories and private jokes that only you two understand.

Look for someone who can make you laugh, who can find humor in the mundane, and who doesn’t take life too seriously. Because at the end of the day, being able to laugh together is one of life’s greatest joys.

8) Mutual respect

This is the non-negotiable to end all non-negotiables.

Without respect, love is meaningless. It’s as simple as that.

Your soulmate should be someone who values you for who you are, who celebrates your achievements, and who treats you as an equal in every sense of the word.

And it’s not just about how they treat you. It’s about how they talk about you to their friends and family, how they handle disagreements, and how they act when you’re not around.

Respect isn’t something that can be won or earned – it should be a given in any relationship. And if it’s not there, nothing else matters.

So hold out for someone who respects you. You deserve nothing less.

Conclusion

Finding your perfect match is more than just crossing paths with someone who makes your heart flutter.

It’s about discovering a person who shares your values, supports your growth, and complements your unique qualities.

But there’s something else to keep in mind—timing and self-awareness.

Sometimes, it’s about meeting the right person at a point in your life when you truly understand what you need from a partnership.

If you’re in search of your soulmate, don’t settle for less.

Be patient, keep your standards high, and continue growing into the best version of yourself.

The right person will not only match your level of emotional maturity but will also encourage you to thrive both individually and together.

For more tips on how to build healthy relationships and overcome codependency, check out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

Here’s to finding the love that you deserve.