Have you ever brushed off a compliment and immediately pointed out a flaw instead?

Maybe someone praised your cooking, and your first response was, “Oh, it’s just a simple recipe.”

I used to do that all the time — downplay any kind of positive feedback as if it were no big deal.

Then I started wondering: Why do some of us have that knee-jerk reaction to deflect praise?

As it turns out, psychology can shed some light on this habit.

Downplaying compliments can reveal certain subtle traits that might run deeper than we realize.

Here are 7 that come up often — and you might see yourself in a few of them.

1. They struggle with self-acceptance

The first trait might seem obvious: if you always downplay compliments, it might be hard for you to accept positive things about yourself.

Researchers like Dr. Kristin Neff have explored self-compassion, essentially treating ourselves as we’d treat a dear friend.

If self-criticism feels more natural than self-compassion, you may instinctively dismiss any praise coming your way.

I’ll admit, I used to be that person.

I’d shift in my seat and look at the floor if somebody told me I was doing a good job.

In hindsight, it was a sign that I hadn’t fully embraced my worth.

Learning to accept a compliment — without a long-winded disclaimer — became a key step in my own growth as a single mom finding her footing after divorce.

2. They fear appearing arrogant

In some cultures and social circles, there’s this unspoken rule: don’t come off as conceited.

So when someone says, “Hey, you did amazing on that project,” the reflex might be to reply, “Thanks, but I got lucky.”

It’s a way to show humility.

Yet too much humility can morph into self-negation if we’re not careful.

I can remember a time I wrote an article for a major publication. When colleagues congratulated me, I’d default to “Oh, it was nothing—just a short piece.”

Looking back, I realize I was trying to avoid any hint of arrogance.

But I was also denying myself the chance to feel proud of a real accomplishment.

If you catch yourself brushing aside praise, it might be because you’re worried about how others will perceive your confidence.

3. They’re empathetic to a fault

Sometimes, the urge to downplay a compliment comes from high empathy. You might not want others to feel overshadowed or less capable.

So you dilute your achievements or talents in a conversation, thinking it’ll keep the playing field level.

When my son started getting recognized for his talents, like painting, I noticed he’d do the same thing.

He’d shrug and say, “It’s not that good,” if anyone praised his work. I realized he was trying to be sensitive to classmates who weren’t as artistically inclined.

That’s empathy in action.

But there’s a fine line between being considerate of others and denying your own worth.

4. They grew up with critical influences

Sometimes, the reason we deflect compliments is rooted in childhood experiences.

Maybe a family member constantly pointed out what wasn’t good enough. Or perhaps you were taught that praising yourself — even silently — was boastful.

Such early messages can leave a lasting mark.

I remember one family gathering where every dish on the table was dissected. “This roast could be more tender” or “The potatoes need more salt.”

Even if you nailed a dish, somebody found a shortcoming.

When I later realized I downplayed compliments in adulthood, I traced it right back to those dinner-table critiques.

Awareness was the first step to breaking the cycle.

5. They’re perfectionists at heart

Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword.

On one hand, it pushes you to aim high. On the other, it can make you focus on every tiny imperfection — even when others see something great.

When a compliment comes in, a perfectionist might think, “But I could have done better.”

I saw this trait surface when I started freelancing in my writing career.

Clients would say, “Fantastic work!” and I’d respond with, “I’m still making some tweaks.”

It was like I couldn’t acknowledge the good until it was 100% flawless.

If that resonates with you, you might be dealing with perfectionism that prevents you from simply saying “thank you” to genuine praise.

6. They find safety in staying small

Downplaying compliments can sometimes be a protective measure—especially if you’ve faced conflict or upheaval in your life.
When you stay small and keep expectations low, you avoid unwanted attention.
That’s comforting in a world that often feels unpredictable.

After my divorce, I remember shrinking away from any spotlight.
I barely let myself celebrate milestones, because I was afraid of what could go wrong.
A compliment felt like a jolt of attention I wasn’t sure I could handle.
Keeping my achievements “low-key” was a way to shield myself from further disappointment or judgment.

7. They crave genuine connection

Let’s not overlook this final angle: some people downplay compliments because they value sincerity above all else.

They worry that compliments might be superficial—“Are they just being polite?”

So they redirect or dismiss the praise, hoping to engage in a more genuine conversation.

I’ve had moments when someone praised my work, but their tone didn’t match their words.

They sounded like they were reading from a script.

My gut told me it wasn’t real.

In those cases, deflecting can feel more honest than accepting hollow praise. But if you do it all the time, you might miss out on authentic connections with people who genuinely admire you.

Conclusion

We each have our own reasons for downplaying compliments. It might be rooted in past experiences, empathy, or fear of seeming arrogant.

Whatever the cause, it’s worth pausing the next time someone says something nice about you.

Ask yourself: “Am I dismissing their words too quickly?”

If the answer is yes, consider letting that praise sink in—even just for a moment.

I’m still figuring this out too, so take what works and adapt it to your life. But I’ve learned that accepting a compliment can be an act of self-kindness, one that opens the door to deeper confidence and connection.

And who knows?

A small shift in how you respond to a kind word might spark a big change in how you see yourself — and how you show up for others.