Do you ever look at your kids and wonder if they really see the effort you put into making their lives better?

I’ve been there.

As a single mom who juggles writing deadlines and a lively nine-year-old, I’ve spent many nights picking up stray socks and dishes, feeling like my hard work went unnoticed.

You see, children don’t automatically come equipped with the ability to express appreciation.

It’s something they learn from us.

I can vouch for that — when I finally put these 8 strategies into practice, I noticed positive changes in our home.

Let’s look at how you, too, can feel more appreciated by your children — backed by psychology and a little real-life experience.

1. Encourage open dialogue

I used to assume my son should know how grateful he should be for everything I do.

That’s where I went wrong.

Kids need explicit communication to understand the role you play and how it benefits them.

Encouraging open dialogue means creating a safe space where your child can share thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.

If your child feels comfortable speaking up, they’re more aware of the emotional give-and-take in a family.

When they voice their own frustrations or joys, it becomes easier for you to say, “I appreciate when you say thank you” or “It means a lot when you notice my help.”

Research from the Infant Mental Health Journal shows that children who learn to articulate their emotions tend to form stronger bonds with caregivers.

Those stronger bonds often translate into more consistent expressions of gratitude.

It’s amazing how the simple act of talking can open their eyes to the emotional side of parenting.

2. Let them share responsibility

Handing over some responsibility is not just an easy way to lessen your own load.

It’s a proven method to boost appreciation.

Kids begin to grasp the effort behind everyday tasks only when they participate in them.

Before I introduced small chores into my son’s routine, he barely noticed if our living room was tidy or messy.

Now he helps fold the laundry and picks up after himself, and he’ll often say, “Wow, this takes longer than I thought.”

I gently remind him that I handle it on most days.

That spark of understanding in his eyes? It’s worth its weight in gold.

According to Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a renowned clinical psychologist who focuses on mindful parenting, children respond positively when they’re included in household responsibilities.

By inviting them to contribute, you shift the dynamic from “Mom or Dad does everything” to “We work together as a family.”

3. Validate your own needs out loud

Sometimes the biggest reason we don’t feel appreciated is that we don’t communicate our own needs or emotions clearly.

Kids aren’t mind readers.

They won’t automatically guess how tired or stressed we might be.

I learned this when I started to say, “I need a quiet break,” or “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.”

My son took notice.

He’d check in with me more often, asking if I was okay or offering to help. Being open about my emotions taught him that parents have feelings too.

When you demonstrate that you have valid emotional needs, your children are more likely to appreciate the efforts you make on their behalf.

4. Consider deeper self-work

That brings me to my next point.

Feeling underappreciated can sometimes point to patterns within ourselves.

I realized I was tying too much of my self-worth to how often my son acknowledged me.

If you catch yourself in a similar pattern, I highly recommend looking into resources that tackle the emotional layers behind our relationships.

One course that helped me immensely was Rudá Iandê’s “Love and Intimacy” masterclass.

Why?

Because the exercises showed me how to break free from limiting beliefs I had about my worth as a parent.

I learned that my happiness doesn’t hinge on receiving constant praise or thanks.

By nurturing my own emotional independence, I felt less desperate for validation from my child.

Ironically, this shift made his genuine expressions of gratitude even sweeter.

5. Use positive reinforcement without overdoing it

I’m a firm believer that praise should be meaningful.

When your child does something considerate (e.g., remembering to clear the table), let them know it made your day easier.

But avoid going overboard with praise for trivial things.

Kids can sense when compliments aren’t genuine.

A quick “Thank you for helping, that was thoughtful,” is usually enough to let them know you value their effort.

To keep it simple, try focusing on one or two positive behaviors at a time.

Here’s a quick bullet-point guide on what meaningful reinforcement looks like:

• Be specific: Instead of a generic “Good job,” say, “I appreciate how you washed the dishes today. It saved me a lot of time.”

• Keep it balanced: Don’t praise them for every little move. Reserve it for moments that truly matter.

• Stay sincere: Kids pick up on your tone, so make sure your words match how you feel.

6. Emphasize empathy and gratitude in daily life

I’m raising my son to be open-minded, considerate, and free-thinking.

One way I do this is by weaving empathy and gratitude into everyday moments.

For instance, I’ll say, “Think about how your friend felt when you helped him with that project,” or “Wasn’t it kind of Grandma to call and check on you?”

Showing your children how to notice and appreciate thoughtfulness in others teaches them to do the same for you.

Data from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) suggests that consistent reinforcement of empathic behaviors can foster deeper emotional ties within families.

Those ties naturally lead to more expressions of appreciation.

7. Create small rituals of connection

Let’s not overlook this final stretch.

Sometimes appreciation is built over shared moments rather than grand gestures.

In our home, we have a quick ritual every evening—I ask my son about one thing he’s thankful for that day, and then he asks me the same question.

It’s a small habit, but it nurtures a two-way street of gratitude.

He gets to see that I’m thankful when he picks up after himself or helps me edit a blog post (his suggestions are pretty creative!).

I get to see that he notices when I tuck him in with his favorite stuffed toy.

The thing is that forming consistent rituals can significantly strengthen parent-child bonds.

They offer a relaxed framework for genuine appreciation to become second nature.

8. Give them space to grow

I don’t want to skip something crucial.

Kids need their own space to process emotions and learn how to express gratitude in their own style.

It’s easy to get frustrated and think your children don’t appreciate you if they’re not saying “thank you” at the right moments.

But the truth is, children grow at different rates.

They might demonstrate their appreciation through small actions that you don’t immediately recognize.

Some kids show gratitude by eagerly sharing stories from school, while others prefer giving hugs or drawing pictures.

I’m learning as I go, just like you.

I used to push my son to say “please” and “thank you” constantly, thinking that would solve everything.

Instead, it’s when I gave him a bit of autonomy—letting him decide how to show gratitude—that I felt most appreciated.

Conclusion

Feeling more appreciated by your children is about building empathy and mutual respect, piece by piece.

It takes time, but each small shift in how you communicate, share responsibilities, and model self-worth can lead to deeper gratitude on both sides.

I’ve seen it in my own home, and I believe you can experience it too.

Acknowledge your needs, create open dialogue, and let your child take part in the family’s day-to-day life.

When you do, you’ll see those heartfelt “thank yous” emerge in ways that truly warm your heart.