Before I hit my forties, I wore my frequent bouts with customer service like badges of honor. A misplaced bill, a slow delivery, a glitchy gadget—I was on it like a hawk.

I’d preach to friends about the virtues of persistence, about standing one’s ground, about challenging every minor inconvenience that could be chalked up to a company’s error. After all, I’d say, if we don’t demand better, who will?

It was a mindset that had served me well in my twenties and thirties. Engaging these battles made me feel invincible, righting the world’s wrongs one customer service call at a time.

It was during a stint as a freelance editor (which, incidentally, taught me more about customer service from the business side than I ever cared to know) that I came to a glorious but painful realization.

It happened as I listened to the 24th minute of hold music after a package – nothing urgent, merely some paperclips and sticky notes – had gone AWOL. In the grand scheme of things, did it really matter if another box of office supplies got lost in transit?

As I navigated my forties, it wasn’t just about pick your battles anymore. It was about picking peace over chaos. In the face of life’s bigger challenges—raising a teenage son, caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s, maintaining relationships, COVID and everything else—the quest for justice over a misrouted package suddenly seemed… trivial.

Yet, it was a revelation that felt foreign to me, at odds with the notions of consumer rights and activism I held dear. It was almost as if I were experiencing a kind of reverse culture shock, the kind you’d feel moving back to your home country after living abroad for years.

But as I sit at my home office now, gazing out at the Rockies, I can’t help but wonder if the ticking clock of our forties and beyond is really more about learning to prioritize tranquillity over these minor tremors in life.

Fifteen months into this newfound perspective, I’m still navigating and learning.

But one thing seems clear to me now—choosing peace does not equate to seeking chaos. It’s a choice to preserve our sanity amidst a world increasingly defined by aversions, complaints, and feuds. And, well, isn’t that worth the price of a few lost paperclips?

Following the path of least resistance

Rewiring a lifetime approach was not a switch that I could simply flip. It took time, introspection and a significant amount of humility. I had to recognize that I was part of the problem, inviting unnecessary stress into my life for the sake of a skewed sense of vindication.

One worn-out afternoon, instead of dialling customer service, I decided to give their online chat a try. I remember it was a billing dispute, something small, barely a few dollars off.

As I typed out my complaint, it struck me—the absence of frustration, the lack of gritty teeth and furrowed brows. That was the moment; the turning point.

I began to assess situations before diving headlong into them. Was arguing for a $5 refund really worth an hour of my time? If the outcome wouldn’t drastically improve my life or someone else’s, I learned to let it pass.

It was hard at first; each ‘surrender’ felt like I was allowing someone to walk all over me.

However, with time, this perspective shift became second nature. I started paying more attention to my peace, my health, my family. It forced me to prioritize what really mattered in my day-to-day life.

Instead of chasing phone calls and demanding refunds, I found myself with more time to devote to my loved ones, my work, and myself.

Defying the myth of victory

Our society, it seems, has become wired to seek ‘victory’, equating it with happiness. The myth is simple yet pervasive: standing up to a wrong, no matter how insignificant it may seem, is worth every ounce of energy and time.

It’s the David-versus-Goliath narrative that we’ve been fed since childhood which has turned customer complaints into any person’s vigorous battle against corporate goliaths. The belief that every little wrong justified an equal and opposite reaction gave an intoxicating sense of empowerment.

I was no different, majoring in Consumer Rights and Responsibilities in the university of life. That pedal-to-the-medal approach became ingrained in me, leading to a point where conflict felt like second nature.

But here’s where I challenge this belief—it isn’t always the big victories that matter. Sometimes, it’s about choosing the battles that preserve your inner peace.

It’s about realizing and accepting that not every wrong needs to be righted, at least not by you. This change in perspective defied every social norm and expectation known to me, but over time, it became my truth. My road less travelled.

Choosing calm over chaos

Starting upon this path requires unlearning years of conditioning, and accepting the reality that not all battles are worth fighting.

First, I had to flip my perception of what constituted a ‘victory’. Arguably, the greatest victory was preserving my peace and tranquility.

This shift in mindset was challenging but liberating. It helped me realise that I had the power to maintain my equilibrium despite the hurdles life threw at me every day.

Second, I practised restraint—both in action and reaction. Instead of instantly firing up to answer back or demand justice, I took a step back and assessed things objectively. I pondered over the situation, balanced the pros and cons, and then decided if the issue was really worth my time and energy.

Finally, and more importantly, I learnt to value my time differently. I began to respect those precious ticks of the clock more than anything and decided to invest them wisely.

Time with loved ones, time for wellness, time for professional growth—all these aspects seemed far more valuable than spending hours embroiled in trivial disputes.

I won’t promise it was an easy transition. But it was worth it. The tranquillity it brought has made every step of this process meaningful. If you can relate to these feelings of constant conflict, I hope my journey can offer some solace. It did for me—and it changed my life for the better.

Stepping into my power

During this whole process, I recognized that I was the captain of my own ship. I chose to take responsibility for the chaos that I’d been inviting into my life, even though it seemed like it was the fault of the companies messing things up.

But the moment I accepted this responsibility, I felt an immediate shift—not just in my constant battles with customer service, but also other stressful circumstances in my life.

Here are the key shifts that happened in my perception:

• Altering my definition of ‘victory’ to maintaining peace over engaging in unnecessary conflicts.
• Assessing situations objectively, considering the value of my time and energy invested.
• Empowering myself through choosing tranquility over chaos and investing time more wisely.

Learning to think for myself went hand in hand with this. Much of my earlier doggedness for justice came from societal programming. The belief was that if something isn’t right, it’s our duty as consumers to fix it.

Breaking free from this enforced thinking was liberating. I started living life on my own terms, not as per dictated consumer norms.

Acknowledge your current dissatisfaction. Be wary of blind positivity and actively face reality. Understanding external influences and societal conditioning can often be a vital key to unraveling personal struggles.

The journey to self-improvement is a continuous one. I found it important to dedicate time each day to this practice. Be it in the form of mindfulness, connecting with loved ones, or pursuing personal passions, the journey is enriched by these steps.

And finally, embrace the process of self-exploration and practical self-development. In reshaping my reality, questioning societal myths and expectations played a significant role.