There’s a huge gap between understanding someone’s emotions and being controlled by their inability to engage emotionally.

Spotting the difference can be a tricky task. Emotional unavailability is the invisible string that strings you along, all the while they remain distant and detached.

More often than not, emotionally unavailable people have a knack for using particular phrases to keep you entangled in their webs of emotional confusion.

Below you’ll find these deceptive phrases, and I hope it empowers you to seek relationships built on emotional unity, not unavailability.

1) “I’m not ready”

Now, who hasn’t heard this phrase coming from someone emotionally unavailable? Human psychology brings interesting perspectives about this common phrase you might encounter.

When someone says they’re “not ready,” it usually indicates resistance. Resistance to commitment, feelings, or being vulnerable. While it’s true that everyone might not feel ready for a relationship at any given time, it becomes problematic when it’s a phrase recurrently uttered.

Emotionally unavailable people often use this phrase to create a safety net. It’s their escape route, so to speak, from exploring their emotions seriously with another individual.

But here’s the catch. It’s essential to understand that being ‘ready’ for a relationship or emotional closeness isn’t about a specific point in time but more about the willingness and capacity to be emotionally available.

2) “We don’t need labels”

Let me share a personal experience that rings all too true for this phrase.

I remember dating a person who consistently kept our relationship undefined. Whenever I tried to clarify our status or understand where we stood, they would dodge the question with “We don’t need labels,” or “Can’t we just enjoy what we have?”

‘No labels’ might seem like an approach towards a modern, non-conformist relationship. But after a while, it became evident that this ‘we-don’t-need-labels’ wasn’t about breaking societal norms of relationship definition.

Instead, it was their way of preventing any emotional commitment. They remained unavailable emotionally and kept me hooked, adding fuel to the fire of ambiguity.

Indeed, labels help create a sense of security in a relationship. They set the boundaries and expectations and provide a level of certainty.

Consequently, a person who refuses to ‘label’ the relationship can often be emotionally unavailable. They use this phrase to avoid commitment and the responsibilities coming with it. 

3) “I need some space”

“I need some space” is a phrase that can often be tolerated when used sparingly. But when uttered too frequently, it becomes a sign of someone keeping their feelings at arm’s length.

According to a study by the University of Buffalo, those who value their space excessively in a relationship could potentially have lower levels of commitment.

This is because a genuine emotional connection demands a certain amount of closeness and shared experiences, which can often be stunted by excessive requests for space.

While it’s natural to want personal space, an emotionally unavailable person might use this phrase as a shield against deeper intimacy or to maintain control in the relationship.

It can lead to a frustrating seesaw of closeness and detachment, where one never truly knows where they stand.

4) “I don’t want to talk about it”

Hands up if you’ve been in a conversation with a partner where an issue arises and before you can even delve into it, they utter, “I don’t want to talk about it”. This phrase is a classic sign of emotional unavailability.

Conflict in relationships is unavoidable, but addressing it openly allows for understanding, growth, and ultimately, deeper emotional intimacy. But not everyone navigates conflicts the same way.

For emotionally unavailable people, conflicts represent vulnerability, which can be incredibly uncomfortable.

“I don’t want to talk about it” essentially serves as a barricade to keep you–and the potential for emotional connection–out.

While it’s okay to take time to process emotions before engaging in a conversation, consistently closing channels for communicating feelings might be a clear red flag that you are dealing with an emotionally unavailable person.

5) “Let’s keep things casual”

“Let’s keep things casual.” Does it sound familiar? This phrase has a unique tone of ambiguity to it that emotionally unavailable people often use as a pseudo-commitment.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with casual relationships if both parties are on the same page about what ‘casual’ exactly means. However, when used as a perpetual status of a relationship, the phrase becomes an instrument of voiding emotional depth.

Emotionally unavailable people employ “let’s keep things casual” like an antidote to feelings of vulnerability that arise with deeper connections. It becomes their comfort zone where they stay in control of the emotional dynamics of the relationship.

Remember, stable and fulfilling relationships often thrive on commitment and mutual emotional availability.

6) “We’re just having fun, right?”

Emotionally unavailable individuals often pose a seemingly innocent question like, “We’re just having fun, right?” It’s like a timed trap, defusing emotional confrontation and dialing down the seriousness of the relationship.

What’s heartbreaking about this phrase is its ability to morph your feelings of genuine affection into something seemingly frivolous. Falling for this trap, many people end up brushing their deep-seated yearning for emotional intimacy under the rug of ‘having fun’.

The pursuit of fun, no doubt, is a crucial part of any relationship. But it shouldn’t cost the emotional depth or become an excuse for emotional unavailability.

Real fun is shared between two open hearts fully aware of their emotional depths. Don’t let this phrase transform your yearning for a meaningful relationship into mere amusement. 

7) “I’ve been hurt before”

There was a time when I found myself captivated by someone who seemed perfect in every way, except when it came to emotional involvement.

They would often share about their past hurts and how they’ve been let down by people they trusted. “I’ve been hurt before,” they’d say and instantly pull away whenever things seemed to get too close or serious.

“I’ve been hurt before”, while a valid pain point, shouldn’t serve as a permanent stop sign on the road to emotional connectedness. It’s a phrase that emotionally unavailable people use to justify their self-protective actions and detach emotionally.

Being hurt in the past is unfortunately a common human experience. It requires compassion and understanding, absolutely.

But it shouldn’t be used as a barricade against future emotional investment or become a manipulation tool to justify keeping someone hooked without any emotional reciprocity.

8) “I’m just not a relationship person”

“I’m just not a relationship person” is another phrase that signals emotional unavailability. It forms a blanket over any potential for emotional intimacy, carefully knitted with threads of self-proclaimed detachment.

Emotionally unavailable individuals use this phrase typically to remain uncommitted and detached while keeping you entangled in their usually charming and charismatic demeanor.

This phrase often masks a deeper fear of emotional vulnerability and closeness.

And while it’s entirely okay not to be interested in romantic relationships, it becomes problematic when someone uses it to string another person along in hopes of deeper emotional intimacy.

9) “You’re too good for me”

“You’re too good for me,” might seem like a compliment at first, yet it is the most misleading phrase an emotionally unavailable person can use.

While wrapped in the guise of being humbled by your ‘benevolence,’ this phrase is a tainted charm that keeps you hooked, leaving you yearning for them to see their worth in your eyes.

However, this phrase cleverly disguises their reluctance to emotionally invest. It plants you firmly in their world of emotional unavailability while making you feel like you’re on a noble mission to help them see their worth.

Awareness is your greatest weapon here. Recognizing these phrases for what they are can save you from the emotional maze of unavailability. Acknowledge your right to a healthy emotional connection, and don’t settle for less.

Unraveling the emotional threads

Riding through the rollercoaster of interactions with emotionally unavailable individuals, it’s fascinating to see how psychology brings forth the underlying mechanisms at play.

Manipulation, evasion, reliance on ambiguity – these elements intricately weave together to form the fabric of emotional unavailability. They are indicative of personal battles, whether rooted in fear, past hurt, or self-preservation.

Psychology suggests that emotionally unavailable individuals might manipulate their communication to maintain control and emotional distance in relationships. But it’s crucial to remember that while we may empathize, our emotional needs are equally important.

Whether you’ve been on the giving or receiving end of these phrases, remember: understanding is the first step to change. Use this insight to become a better communicator, to meet your emotional needs and to develop healthier relationships.

After all, we are all deserving of genuine emotional connections.