We trust our stomach when it tells us we’re hungry. We trust our body when it alerts us to a source of pain.

So why don’t we trust intuition when it passes on vital information?

Probably because we don’t always give our gut feelings enough credit.

Instead of listening to our intuition, it’s often dismissed and overridden.

It may feel vague and ill-defined, but it’s actually just another source of intellect when we use it correctly.

That’s because your subconscious is drawing on a vast store of knowledge and experiences.

It silently processes these in the background and uses them to guide you in your current situation.

There are certain times in particular that it pays to listen.

So let’s look at some of the moments in a relationship when you should heed your intuition.

1) When something isn’t right but you can’t quite put your finger on it

One of the frustrating aspects of intuition is how wishy-washy it can feel.

It doesn’t present information in a clear way because it uses countless tiny bite-sized details and brings them together to give you guidance.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not correct.

Sometimes we just get a sense that something isn’t right. Yet without much more to go off, we push those thoughts to the back of our heads.

Don’t.

Instead, dig deeper.

• What emotions come up when you’re around your partner?
• Do you feel tense or anxious?
• How does your body feel when you are around them?
• Do you feel good about the relationship decisions you’ve made?
• Are some of your boundaries being crossed?
• Is your inner voice telling you something?

If nothing else, intuition is an opportunity for greater reflection which can provide more insights.

2) When you’re not being driven by fear and insecurity

There’s a big catch when it comes to intuition.

As it communicates to us in feelings rather than facts, there is potential for fear to muddy the water.

When this happens, what we assume is a bad feeling about something or someone, may be our own hang-ups coming out to play.

Trust issues, past trauma, and personal insecurities can be misinterpreted as intuition.

Yet intuition is neutral.

It doesn’t hit you in a wave of overpowering emotion. It quite calmly says to you, nah or yeah.

If it’s really your intuition and not fear at play it should feel like a gentle confirmation of something you already know. It is focused on the present and isn’t concerned about the past or future.

In contrast, fear loves to project worry based on future or past events. It makes you feel scattered and uncentered. And it tries to justify your paranoia with negative storytelling.

3) When overthinking is causing you decision fatigue

You’re going around in circles. You can’t make up your mind about something and it’s driving you nuts.

Our analytical mind is incredible, but sometimes it doesn’t know when to switch off.

When it can’t find any concrete answers, it may get stuck on a problem. But this causes more confusion, frustration, and distress.

It can be a better idea to stop logically thinking about a relationship problem or issue for a while.

Say to yourself, I’m going to hit pause and come back to that later.

I’m certainly not saying bury the problem. But creating some mental space around it can take the pressure off.

What you may find is that the right answer suddenly comes to you in the form of intuition.

When once you felt uncertain you now have access to a comforting “knowing” about the best path to take.

Rather than worry yourself silly over what to do, step back and give your intuition a chance.

4) When you spot relationship red flags

Most times I’ve been caught up in a bad romance, deep down I’ve known it.

Sure, sometimes you can get taken by surprise. But often, we willingly walk down a very dodgy path.

Why?

We want it so badly that we are prepared to ignore the inconvenient truth.

We use our logical brains to search for justifications and excuses for shitty behavior or a bad vibe from someone.

Clinical psychologist Kristen Hick says often we override intuition, which is later proven to be correct, simply because we don’t want to accept it:

“Often, when we review the facts, my clients’ guts were leading them in the right direction. For some, they just didn’t know how to decode the feeling. But in most cases, they were able to do this easily. The problem was, they didn’t really want to know what it was telling them. They wanted a different answer.”

The reality is, that when we ignore a bad feeling, we’re only storing up heartache for another day.

The problems your gut is picking up on won’t magically disappear. Chances are, they’re only going to get worse.

And with every passing day, you are becoming more invested in a relationship that has issues that need addressing.

As we’ll see next, bringing up problems now may help you to avoid disaster further down the line.

5) When it encourages better communication

When your intuition alerts you to something, you can use it as a preventative measure.

Think of it like an early detection system.

That way, you can bring up what’s on your mind and hopefully find solutions.

So if your partner has been doing something that doesn’t feel right, don’t sit on it.

Use it as an opportunity for healthy and open communication.

Talk to each other about your concerns, emotions, and relationship worries.

When you do so in a constructive way, it can bring you even closer and solidify your connection.

It’s not just a good exercise in listening to your own intuition, but also in listening to each other.

6) When deciding how you feel about someone

You don’t need me to tell you, love is complicated.

Someone on paper may be everything you think you want, but it’s just not clicking.

Psychologists have tried to pin down the finer points of attraction and chemistry, but it’s too tricky.

It’s a nuanced mix of factors that will decide whether you’re feeling it or not with someone.

That’s why the author of ‘The Love Gap: A Radical Plan to Win in Life & Love’, Jenna Birch, says it’s best to let your intuition decide.

“You can’t help who you love is a common cliche. By all accounts, this is true…Love is not a rational process, although logic and reason can certainly help you filter out the fully toxic cads and sparkless duds, guiding you toward a healthy relationship with power to go the distance. But compatibility and chemistry are determined somewhere else. Deep down in your gut, you feel the weight of information your subconscious has processed.”

7) When you suspect cheating

In my younger years, I didn’t give much thought to intuition.

It seemed like a mystical-sounding phenomenon, one which surely didn’t have scientific credibility.

But how wrong I was.

Because I got to experience its power firsthand in a former relationship.

My partner at the time was cheating on me. It seemed so out of character that despite a niggling feeling about it, I dismissed what I told myself was illogical.

Turns out I was right all along.

Since learning about how intuition works, I came to realize that my mind was picking up on 1001 very subtle cues that were playing out in front of me.

Almost undetectable changes in the way he behaved around me. Their body language when they were in the same room. The odd throwaway comment he made.

They all contained clues, and my subconscious saw it, even though my conscious brain couldn’t yet piece it together.

This is the very essence of how intuition works. It is the silent detective and nothing escapes its notice.

8) When you can combine it with cold hard facts

This is one final caveat.

Intuition is undeniably a useful and arguably underused tool at our disposal. But it’s also true that it can be a tricky one to navigate.

After all, feelings are hard to pin down and open to interpretation. 

As we’ve already seen, it’s not concrete and so can get clouded with fear or negative emotions.

It’s a helpful map that can steer you in the right direction. But as we all know, sometimes maps aren’t always easy to read. So we can get it wrong.

As Marcy Farrell points out in Harvard Business School Publishing:

“At its best, intuition is a powerful form of pattern recognition—something human brains are wired to do. But when not managed well, pattern recognition and trusting one’s gut may lead to bias and incomplete or overly simplistic thinking, both of which are detrimental to making sound decisions.”

That’s why intuition is best used in collaboration with other information. We can see it as complimentary.

It adds new depth and detection to our everyday relationship dilemmas and decisions.