It’s a common misconception that men who have difficulty managing their emotions will always express it in dramatic or volatile ways.

The reality, however, can be quite different. Often, the signs are subtle and easily missed unless you know what to look for.

These men may not have emotional outbursts or breakdowns. Instead, they might display behaviors that, at first glance, might seem unrelated to their internal struggle.

Recognizing these subtle signs is crucial because understanding emotional regulation is an essential aspect of living a fulfilling, authentic life.

Let’s dive into 9 behaviors often exhibited by men who find it challenging to control their emotions.

1) Avoidance of vulnerability

One of the profound signs to look out for in men who struggle with emotional regulation is their tendency to avoid situations that make them feel vulnerable.

Vulnerability, which involves openly expressing our emotions and allowing ourselves to be seen in our most authentic state, can be incredibly intimidating. It’s especially so for those who grapple with controlling their emotions.

Why? Because being vulnerable often means admitting that we don’t have everything under control. And for men who wrestle with their emotions, this can seem like a direct threat to their sense of self-worth and identity.

As a result, they might be reluctant to engage in deep conversations, tend to brush off emotional topics with humor, or even physically distance themselves when faced with emotionally charged situations.

Recognizing this behavior is crucial because avoidance often leads to missed opportunities for genuine connection and growth. It’s through embracing vulnerability and acknowledging our emotions that we cultivate resilience and build authentic relationships.

2) Difficulty in expressing their feelings

Another subtle behavior that can indicate a struggle with emotional regulation is the difficulty in articulating feelings. Men who grapple with this issue may find it especially challenging to put their emotions into words.

This struggle can stem from many factors. A common one is societal expectations that encourage men to suppress their emotions or a lack of practice in expressing them. Personally, I’ve found that many men were never taught how to identify and verbalize their feelings, leading to a disconnect between their internal emotional world and their external expression.

So when trying to express their emotions, these men might seem vague, dismissive, or even frustrated. They might use broad phrases like “I’m fine” or “I don’t know”, even when it’s clear that they’re feeling something more complex.

As you might have experienced yourself, this difficulty can create a barrier in their communication and relationships. After all, expressing our emotions effectively enables us to connect deeply with others and navigate life’s challenges more resiliently.

Renowned psychologist Dr. Brené Brown beautifully encapsulates this idea when she says, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.” By learning to express our emotions with courage and authenticity, we open ourselves up to truly impactful connections and personal growth.

3) Over-reliance on rational thinking

I don’t like to make generalizations, but it’s undeniably true that many women tend to be much more emotional, while men often rely on logical thinking.

This obviously has many advantages, but men who grapple with emotional regulation may often rely excessively on rational thinking, and start treating every situation as a problem to be solved logically. And that’s when problems start to occur. 

Most notably, over-reliance on logical thinking can make it difficult for these men to connect with their own emotions and those of others. This leads to a lack of emotional depth in their relationships and a tendency to dismiss or invalidate the feelings of those around them.

Naturally, this isn’t what any man actually wants – but it can be challenging to know when is the right time to turn logical thinking down and shift more into emotional connections. 

That’s why I’ve made a video where I delve into the complexities of emotional connection and vulnerability through my experience of being single and lonely in a big city. In it, I discuss my personal experiences and insights, shedding light on the importance of understanding our own emotions and needs.

As you’ll see from my story, recognizing the balance between rational thinking and emotional understanding is an important step towards healthier emotional regulation. When we learn to acknowledge our emotions without judgment, we pave the way for more authentic connections and personal growth.

For more insights into cultivating emotional intelligence and living life with more purpose and freedom, feel free to join over 20,000 others who have subscribed to my YouTube channel. You can subscribe here.

4) Fear of emotional intimacy

You may notice that some men keep themselves distant from any kind of emotional intimacy. It’s quite obvious in romantic relationships where they pull away just as they start to get close to someone – but you can also see it in their relationships with family and friends.

This fear often stems from the belief that revealing their true emotions will make them appear weak or vulnerable.

But the thing is, emotional intimacy is about more than just sharing our feelings; it’s about allowing ourselves to be seen in our raw, unfiltered state. It’s about showing up in our relationships as we truly are, not as we think we should be. Therefore, this fear can lead to shallow relationships where genuine emotional connection is replaced with surface-level interactions.

In my view, this behavior is largely a symptom of societal expectations that discourage men from showing emotions. However, I also believe that our vulnerability is not a weakness but a testament to our humanity. It’s the essence of authentic relationships and the cornerstone of empathy and understanding.

That’s why it’s so important to acknowledge this fear and embrace emotional intimacy. It’s a big step towards dismantling rigid notions of masculinity and embracing a more compassionate, emotionally intelligent way of living.

5) Suppressing emotions until they erupt

A particularly damaging behavior exhibited by men struggling with emotional regulation is the tendency to suppress their emotions until they reach a breaking point. 

This behavior aligns with a broader societal issue: the incorrect assumption that strength equates to emotional stoicism. In reality, suppressing emotions doesn’t eliminate them; instead, it only delays their manifestation, often in more destructive forms.

When these suppressed emotions eventually surface, they can come out as anger, resentment, or even physical symptoms like headaches or fatigue. The eruption of these pent-up emotions can be damaging to relationships and personal well-being.

In one of my videos, I delve into the concept of embracing our vulnerabilities and confronting our fears. This is an essential part of our journey towards personal growth and self-awareness.

The first step towards healthier emotional regulation is acknowledging our feelings instead of suppressing them. When we do this, we allow ourselves space for self-reflection and growth, leading to more authentic interactions and a healthier relationship with our emotions.

Remember, it’s not about eliminating negative emotions but understanding and navigating them in a way that serves our growth and well-being.

6) Excessive self-reliance

Independence and self-sufficiency are often seen as strengths, especially for men who have difficulty regulating their emotions. They may believe that asking for help or leaning on others is a sign of weakness, and they can’t handle the vulnerable feeling that accompanies it. 

Unfortunately, this perspective just makes the issue worse for them. They want to be entirely self-reliant in order to get farther in life – but it’s actually through our connections with others that we find the courage to pursue our dreams, the resilience to overcome challenges, and the joy of shared experiences.

Excessive self-reliance can lead to isolation, burnout, and missed opportunities for growth.

It can take some time – and courage – but when a man is able to shift from a mindset of “I can do it all on my own” to “We’re in this together”, that’s when he can not only foster stronger relationships but also enhance his ability to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and grace.

7) Discomfort with others’ emotions

You know the saying, “how do you expect anyone else to love you if you don’t love yourself”? Well, we can apply the same principle to emotions – you can’t empathize and accept other people’s feelings if you’re not even comfortable with your own. 

Men who struggle with their emotional regulation experience this especially acutely. 

When faced with someone else’s emotional display, they may become dismissive, awkward, or even defensive. They might try to provide solutions instead of offering empathy or simply listening, as their discomfort leads them to treat emotions as problems to be solved rather than experiences to be understood.

Recognizing this behavior is crucial because empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of another – is a fundamental aspect of meaningful relationships. It’s through empathy that we build bonds based on mutual respect and understanding.

8) Overcompensation through hyper-masculine behaviors

Some men are very comfortable in who they are, and others seem like they are in a neverending competition to prove who is the most “manly”. And I’ve found that many of the latter tend to be men with emotional regulation struggles. 

How does this behavior show up? Maybe it’s being overly competitive at work, aggressive, being obsessed with gaining muscle, or trying to be dominant in their relationships. 

These behaviors often serve as a facade, a way for men struggling with their emotions to conform to societal expectations of masculinity. However, this overcompensation more often than not leads to a disconnection from their authentic selves and inhibits emotional growth.

Embracing our vulnerability and challenging these limiting beliefs is a step towards personal freedom and resilience. It’s about recognizing that our worth isn’t determined by societal expectations, but by our authenticity and our capacity for empathy and connection.

9) Emotional fatigue

Finally, emotional fatigue is a common but often overlooked sign of emotional regulation struggles in men. This fatigue can manifest as a general sense of exhaustion, lack of motivation, or feelings of being emotionally drained.

This fatigue often results from the constant effort of suppressing emotions or maintaining a facade of emotional control. Over time, this can take a toll on both mental and physical health.

Recognizing and addressing emotional fatigue is vital for overall well-being. It’s about acknowledging our feelings, taking care of our emotional health, and seeking support when needed. It’s through self-care and self-compassion that we foster personal resilience and cultivate a more authentic, fulfilling life.

Embracing emotional growth

As you’ve seen from the list above, men who struggle with emotional regulation may exhibit behaviors that are often misunderstood or overlooked.

Yet understanding these subtle signs is vital, not only for the individuals dealing with these struggles but also for those around them. It helps us all foster empathy, challenge societal expectations, and embrace the fact that our emotions are an integral part of our humanity.

For those grappling with emotional regulation, remember that each challenge presents an opportunity for growth. It’s through acknowledging our emotions and vulnerabilities that we cultivate resilience and authenticity, empowering us to live more fulfilling lives.

As we navigate this journey, it’s worth asking ourselves: How are we responding to our own emotions? Are we allowing societal expectations to dictate our emotional expression? And how can we cultivate a safe space for ourselves and others to explore and express emotions authentically?

For more insights into personal growth, emotional intelligence, and living a life of authenticity and freedom, join me on my YouTube journey. You can subscribe to my channel here. Together, let’s explore what it means to live wholeheartedly in a world often uncomfortable with emotions.