Men who pretend to be kind but actually aren’t usually display these 7 subtle behaviors

Ava Sinclair by Ava Sinclair | September 20, 2024, 12:41 pm

“Ever heard the phrase “Actions speak louder than words”?

Well, it couldn’t be more true, especially when it comes to deciphering the true character of men.

You see, there are men out there who come across as charming, considerate, and kind-hearted. 

But under the surface, they may not be as genuine as they seem. That’s right, these men exist and they’re more common than you think.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying all men are like this.

However, it’s important to be aware that some can put on a facade of kindness while their actions tell a different story.

So, how do you spot these subtle behaviors that reveal their true colors? Good question!

And that’s exactly what we’re going to explore in this article.

Here’s the thing: understanding these behaviors can help you steer clear of those who pretend to be something they’re not. 

So buckle up and let’s dive into the world of subtext, shall we?”

1) Inconsistency in behavior

Let’s start with this.

One of the biggest red flags? Inconsistency. Now, we’re all human and can have off days.

But if a man’s kind demeanor fluctuates drastically and frequently, it might be cause for concern.

You see, genuine kindness is stable.

It doesn’t swing like a pendulum depending on the audience or circumstance. 

So if you notice that his kindness is present one moment and absent the next, it might not be as genuine as it seems.

Remember, it’s not about perfection, but consistency. Don’t ignore these subtle variations in behavior.

They can reveal a lot about a person’s true character.

2) Lack of empathy

This one is personal.

I remember a man I once knew, let’s call him Jack. Jack was a charmer.

He was always smiling, always polite, always seemingly kind.

But there was something missing: empathy.

When I shared my struggles or concerns with Jack, his responses were often hollow.

There were no genuine sentiments of understanding or compassion. Instead, he would just change the subject or give generic advice.

That’s when it hit me.

True kindness comes with empathy.

It’s about understanding another person’s feelings and perspective, not just appearing to be sympathetic.

3) Conditional kindness

Here’s a cold, hard truth.

Kindness that comes with conditions isn’t genuine. It’s a transaction.

I’ve seen men who’ve been incredibly sweet and caring,

but only when they need something in return.

The moment they get what they want, the kindness evaporates as if it was never there.

It’s like a switch being flipped.

One moment, they’re the embodiment of compassion and care.

The next, they’re distant and indifferent. It’s confusing, disorienting, and honestly, quite hurtful.

True kindness is selfless and unconditional. It doesn’t come with strings attached or hidden agendas.

4) Disrespect towards others

I believe respect is a cornerstone of true kindness.

Sounds logical, right? But pay attention to how he treats others, especially those who can do nothing for him.

I once knew a guy who was incredibly nice to me.

But when we were out, he’d be rude to waitstaff, dismissive of strangers, and even had a habit of talking down to his younger siblings.

That was my wake-up call.

A man can’t claim to be kind while disrespecting others.

Kindness means treating everyone with decency and respect, regardless of their status or what they can offer you.

So next time you’re assessing someone’s kindness, pay attention to how they treat others.

It could reveal more than you think.

5) Ignoring boundaries

Here’s something you might not know.

Psychologists have found a correlation between people who ignore personal boundaries and those who feign kindness.

Imagine this.

A man who seems kind, always there to lend a hand or offer advice. 

But over time, you notice he’s crossing lines – showing up uninvited, making decisions for you, or disregarding your need for space.

This overstepping of boundaries, masked by kindness, is a classic sign of manipulation.

Genuine kindness respects personal boundaries.

It understands the importance of space and individual autonomy.

6) Lack of support in tough times

We all go through ups and downs, right?

In these moments, we really get to see who’s truly there for us.

I’ve been fortunate to have friends who’ve shown me kindness and support during my darkest hours.

They’ve listened, offered words of encouragement, and sometimes just sat with me in silence.

But there are men who can be kind when it’s easy, but disappear when things get tough.

True kindness is not fair-weathered. It doesn’t retreat at the first sign of trouble.

Instead, it stands by your side, offering a shoulder to lean on or a hand to hold.

7) Not taking responsibility

Here’s the bottom line.

Kindness isn’t just about being nice. It’s also about taking responsibility for one’s actions.

If a man is kind but never admits when he’s wrong, that kindness might be a facade.

You see, we all make mistakes. But it takes a truly kind person to apologize and make amends.

So, if he never admits his mistakes or tries to brush them under the rug, it might be time to question his sincerity.

Because genuine kindness means owning up to our faults and trying to do better.

Final thoughts

As we wrap up, it’s important to remember that everyone has the potential for growth and change.

The signs mentioned here aren’t meant to condemn, but to raise awareness. 

Knowledge is power. Understanding these subtle behaviors can help you navigate relationships more wisely and protect your emotional well-being.

Also remember that kindness is more than just an act – it’s a reflection of our character and integrity.

Genuine kindness is consistent, empathetic, respectful, and selfless.

It doesn’t come with conditions or hidden agendas.

So, if you’ve noticed any of these signs in your relationships, take a moment to reflect.

What does this mean for you? How can this awareness guide your interactions moving forward?

Remember, it’s not about passing judgment, but about fostering healthier relationships – with others and with ourselves.

We all deserve genuine kindness.

And sometimes, recognizing what it isn’t helps us appreciate it even more when we do find it.